AIBU to not want to go back to work - Foody Wednesdays!

[Tan98]

I already know IABU but I am getting so stressed out over it.

Backstory: Not long before lockdown, I got a new job which I enjoy and the people are all nice (I have been WFH since then). I enjoyed going in each day - apart from Wednesdays!

Every Wednesday they have a foody day where people take in turns to cook something and everyone sits together and eats it - a great idea and everyone seems to love it, apart from me!

I have issues with food. I am overweight and eating is not fun and it is not straight forward - I have to count calories and weigh things as I do low carb.

When I was there they kept asking why I wasn't eating and I would lie and say I've just had something but on Wednesdays I can't do this. I can't say I have an allergy as there are people with allergies and a vegan who they cater for. I also feel like some of them are a bit offended that I'm not eating their food like it is because of them I'm not eating it.

I have not slept properly for days and I have been getting upset over silly things all because I am worried about it and want to not go back especially on Wednesdays. I have spent lockdown trying to lose weight but I haven't so I know I won't lose anything in the next 2 weeks either.

Today was the final straw as I contemplated driving off the side of the road to crash my car and hope that I break a bone so I can't go in - the only thing that stopped me was thinking that I'm not starting for another 2 weeks so my bone would be healing and I would have to go in anyway!

Please if anyone has any advice/experience I would greatly appreciate it!

It's your life and your health

This is a good point it's not just about weight it's being healthy which isn't anything to be embarrassed about.

And yes I was just hoping for 1-2lb loss per week and I thought when I'm at work it could be due to lack of exercise or not recording everything but I have used lockdown to track everything I eat and do so I've been feeling really down about it but as you say it might not be all my fault.

Call the doctor, report back, that's an order

What kind of a diet are you doing that a portion of chicken curry & rice would take you over your allowance? That is a decently balanced meal.

I'm doing low calorie and low carb/sugar so I can't have the rice and sometimes the sauce has too much sugar in.

I do try and tell myself that food isn't bad and by going low carb I have tried to replace it with healthy things like salad but I don't think it's mentally healthy of me to cut own food that isn't that bad but it's hard to get out of that mindset.

Call the doctor, report back, that's an order

Thank you I will do

@Tan98 is there no one else dieting in the group? At my old workplace we occasionally had to work Sundays (pre-covid) and would make Sunday roast between us. One of the girls was on slimming world so we all brought in SW friendly food.

I am sure others have mentioned it but please reach out for help. Your weight doesn't define you.

God this sounds AWFUL.

I'd have an appointment at the post office every Wednesday at 11.55am...

It seems likely that this will be cancelled due to Covid and you’ve had some excellent suggestions on how to respond.

However, I think you need to seriously consider getting some counselling for this issue. If you are contemplating injuring yourself in an accident due to anxiety and food issues this is very worrying.

Seek counselling, seriously. You need help. No disrespect intended at all.

I'm amazed they are allowed to do this in a Covid secure workplace! We aren't even allowed to make a coffee for another colleague, and the microwave and fridge were out of bounds for weeks!

I'd contact your HR dept and query the wisdom of this happening?

Oh lovely, you're overthinking this.
Just say "I'm slimming, so can't take part in the feast, hope you enjoy". No one is going to bat an eyelid.

OP I wouldn’t want to eat the Wednesday meals either. Most of the time I watch what I eat and a portion of properly made curry and rice can take me over my allowance!

But I’d just say no thanks, I’m on a diet. I’m a size 8-10 though (gain weight by looking at cake ) so I get the whole ‘you don’t need to be on a diet’ etc etc and I just say if I didn’t diet then I’d be massive.
No means no for me though and no amount of bringing the food in would make me just sit their and eat it to please people.

I’d take my own food or drink though and chat still.

I’d rather save any treat meals for occasions I actually want to go out

I also wouldn’t want to cook and bring food in for everyone on a Wednesday fuck messing around doing that.
Don’t eat = don’t have to prepare a meal then either.
WIN WIN.

I don't think employers are allowed to let staff use shared kitchens or fridges in the Covid world so I doubt the foody days will be going ahead right now.

Possibly a daft question, but have you ever had your thyroid levels checked? One of the symptoms for me was continuing to gain weight despite following a calorie controlled diet. It might be worth looking uk the symptoms of hypothyroidism before contacting the doctor, just in case you have an "aha" moment like I did at realising I had been ignoring loads of the other symptoms (hair loss, dry skin, total exhaustion...)

We can't even get water from our staff kitchens at work so I doubt this will be allowed.

But your reaction is really extreme - talking about crashing your car rather than finding a polite way to opt out. You really need to get help with your anxiety.

Op I really suggest counselling as you are ruminating on this and overthinking and rumination on problems are linked (scientific studies) to unhappiness and feeling low.

As someone said. Your anxious brain isn't helping you by going over and over this looking for anxiety driven solutions.

The key problem here is your deep fear of what other people think about you and your decisions. All you need to do is say wharver the fuck you like ie. No I don't want to do this and then decide that it doesn't matter what they think.

You are allowed to do what you like and have totally legitimate reasons not to take part. But the problem isn't thst. It's your feeling that you would rather crash your car than have people judge you or think things about you that you can't control.

I imagine eating disorders are linked to control but you can't control their reactions to your decisions. You can just control yourself.

I have had counselling for other issues and highly highly recommend it. Cbt night help. Or psychotherapy if you what to go deeper to root causes .

Thank you so much for everyone’s kind words and suggestions I have taken all of them on board!

I will definitely be more assertive when I say I’m not taking part.

I am really hoping so many people don’t want to do it due to COVID they they’ll stop doing it all together.

I have made an appointment with my gp it’s not for another 3 weeks as it’s not urgent but I will talk to her about my anxieties and hopefully get my thyroid checked and even if there’s no problem she might point me in the direction of a nutritionist or something to see where I’m going wrong.

I hadn’t even thought about when it was my turn to cook and the faff of having to bring it all in so as PPs have said if I don’t eat it then I don’t need to cook it either which is great!

That's good re doctor - it's worth taking in a bullet point list so you know you've got your point across - you've been following a diet of X calories for Y months, starting weight Vs current weight, you're exercising X minutes a day etc and you don't understand it.

Do have a think about any other things that might be going on - periods heavy or light, sleeping more or less, headaches, joint pains, excessive thirst or urination etc etc

And if you get sent for blood tests, have them done first thing in the morning, preferably before 8.30.

Good luck and report back please - I want to know how you get on

Checking in @Tan98 - did you see the doctor yet? How did it go?