AIBU to not want to go back to work - Foody Wednesdays!

[Tan98]

I already know IABU but I am getting so stressed out over it.

Backstory: Not long before lockdown, I got a new job which I enjoy and the people are all nice (I have been WFH since then). I enjoyed going in each day - apart from Wednesdays!

Every Wednesday they have a foody day where people take in turns to cook something and everyone sits together and eats it - a great idea and everyone seems to love it, apart from me!

I have issues with food. I am overweight and eating is not fun and it is not straight forward - I have to count calories and weigh things as I do low carb.

When I was there they kept asking why I wasn't eating and I would lie and say I've just had something but on Wednesdays I can't do this. I can't say I have an allergy as there are people with allergies and a vegan who they cater for. I also feel like some of them are a bit offended that I'm not eating their food like it is because of them I'm not eating it.

I have not slept properly for days and I have been getting upset over silly things all because I am worried about it and want to not go back especially on Wednesdays. I have spent lockdown trying to lose weight but I haven't so I know I won't lose anything in the next 2 weeks either.

Today was the final straw as I contemplated driving off the side of the road to crash my car and hope that I break a bone so I can't go in - the only thing that stopped me was thinking that I'm not starting for another 2 weeks so my bone would be healing and I would have to go in anyway!

Please if anyone has any advice/experience I would greatly appreciate it!

Email:
'Hi everyone!
I'm really looking forward to seeing you all very soon, but wanted you to know i am on a low-carb diet, soI won't be taking part in Foody Wednesdays because of this, if they are still going to take place. Of course, I'd still like to be with you guys and eat my own food so we can share some social time together.
See you soon,
Tan'

I don't have any food anxiety but I couldn't be arsed with this. Just say you'd rather have you own lunch.

In my old place of work you could bring treats in on a friday and they were left in the staffroom and you could choose to take them if you wanted - it was a way better idea as it took the pressure off eating it and bringing in homemade cooking.

The people in my current place of work seem stressed when it is their week and I wonder why they're all still doing it - which probably makes me feel more guilty when I don't eat it and they've gone to a lot of trouble.

Thank you so much everyone!!

I will look into counseling as it does take over my life and I don't want to be like this forever.

My goodness. This is seriously not worth getting so worked up over. Just tell them that their food looks amazing/smells lovely, but that you are on a diet so have bought your own food. You can always ask for a spoonful to try so that you can complement them. Or you could tell them that you go to a chiropractors/yoga or whatever on a Wednesday.
Alternatively you could say that you are unable to eat their food due to food intolerances. In any event, I would have thought it would be less likely to happen under current circumstances. Over 90% of what we worry about doesn't happen, apparently, according to research, so there really is no point worrying so much over this.

It's one meal in a week. So on that day skip breakfast, have lunch then soup/salad/beg for dinner. Doesnt have to be hard. All or nothing approach is a road to failure

This think that having started a new job before lock down must be stressful and the whole situation of going back into the office and managing all those relationships as a newbie must be tough. You also need to work on mindfulness (try the calm app). The trouble with anxiety is that, when you try to come up with solutions, it actually increases your anxiety as it carries on the dialogue. The secret is to break the thought through distraction or doing something different. Then, once you have relaxed, you will wonder what on earth you were worrying about in the first place. I have suffered from anxiety all my life and it is important not to engage with unproductive worrying thoughts. Also, most of us can step back and see your situation more clearly than you can as we are more impartial. And we can see that, whilst this morning that be an issue in your mind, it is highly unlikely to be an issue in your colleagues minds. I doubt that they will give it two thoughts. Also, you have found it hard to diet during lockdown. Hasn't half the population? You are certainly not alone. You are worried that people will notice that, despite your diet, you won't lose weight and be judged for this.but you are basing your assumptions on working from home during lockdown. This will be a different situation. The chances of success are far greater. Even if you don't lose weight,I doubt that they will notice, let alone care enough to judge you. Even if they did, which is highly unlikely, so what?! I would strongly recommend some treatment for your anxiety and definitely focus on doing something else when you get stuck worrying rather than trying to resolve it. And please, do not consider ever harming yourself. Take care and do not give this issue a second thought. It really really does not matter and is inconsequential to these people!

I was thinking of having it as part of my meal plan but it is always indulgent food as it's supposed to be a treat and it's things like curry which one portion would be above my daily allowance. I also wouldn't be able to eat rice or bread with it. Which I feel would draw more attention to me.
I also need to track everything I eat which sounds weird but I can't moan about being overweight if I'm eating too many calories.

I am definitely worrying too much but it's hard not to when it's something you think of every day.
Thank you so much for everyone's advice.

The trouble with anxiety is that, when you try to come up with solutions, it actually increases your anxiety as it carries on the dialogue.

I have never thought about this. I thought that by coming up with solutions it would make me feel better because I am more prepared. Maybe this is where I'm going wrong then!

Also, you have found it hard to diet during lockdown

I think this is where my anxiety is higher than it should be because I used lockdown as a chance to really diet and exercise everyday thinking I would lose loads of weight and because I haven't I feel like a failure and making me feel down which is making me feel worse.

Could you work from home on a Wednesday?

If not, I’ve got a fairly slow metabolism ;and like being thin), so just don’t eat cake/pasties/got chocolate/sweets. I’ve never had an issue just saying no at work.

No it's not possible to WFH anymore it was only in lockdown they let us. And I don't eat carbs so luckily I don't eat cake and pasties etc anyway.

Hang on OP - you're genuinely not eating carbs, but you haven't lost weight? Do you know how many calories you're eating?

I would absolutely just say with all the covid advice you are taking your own containers food and cutlery to work. No one will bat an eyelid at the moment.

No one needs to know your weight issues or anything. Only a trusted friend if you want. Just say that the government advice is to keep social distancing and less hands touching things is safer (or whatever)

The past 2 weeks I have been doing 800 calories max. per day but before that I was on 1200kcals max. a day.

I'm just asking because we're all familiar with people who post keto muffins on Instagram and then go for cream teas at the weekend #treatyourself and wonder why their weight just keeps going up.

But you say you stuck to the diet and exercise over lockdown - so you should have seen a difference in those 5 months.

So I think it might also be time you saw a doctor, to rule out anything organic. But as you're a woman and overweight you'll have to go in with specifics of what you've been doing and for how long to demonstrate that it's not keto in the week prosecco every Friday syndrome. And you might not be believed by the first doctor, but keep going, because not losing weight on a calorie deficit isn't your fault - is a symptom - and you need to know of what.

That is a good idea. I think I will blame COVID and I hope I won't be the only one.

Yes, you should be losing weight. Call the doctor in the morning please, I will be checking in on you!

I am worried about seeing a doctor as I always see people saying they're overweight but not sure why and then it is because like you say they are actually eating more than what they think they are. And I think a doctor would just think the same thing. I always track things on myfitnesspal to make sure I am not secretly easting anything I'm not counting.

I used to eat a lot of fruit so since lockdown I have really cut that down and only eat small amounts of berries as a treat. And I cut out all sugar and milk and went very low carb. So I thought just by doing that I would have lost weight and I have been doing lots more exercise on top so it's so frustrating.

Are the doctors seeing people at the moment?

My office did something similar, I don't have any issues with food as such but I just don't like eating more than some fruit or a small bag of crisps for lunch at work because anything more makes me feel sleepy and foggy (and before anyone thinks I'm a competitive undereater, I can assure you that I more than make up for it in the evening). So I just said no thanks, but would still sit with my colleagues and eat my crisps and socialise. The fact that I was pleasant and breezy about it made it a non-issue. I would also occasionally bring in a couple of 6 packs of San Pellegrino lemonade, if they were on sale, or some Capri Suns (adults get so excited about those, LOL) because I didn't want people to think I wasn't participating out of thrift or poverty.

The kitchen in my office isn't even allowed to open because of Covid restrictions so you could be worrying about nothing here

I do hope I'm worrying about nothing and even if some people still do it then some might not which will be good for me.

And I like the idea of bringing treats in for them so I am still joining in and not making it into an issue - especially as I'm new and this is like a tradition so I want to fit in a bit.

I really understand why you are so anxious about this. I no longer eat anything sweet and it was very, very hard to persuade anyone that I was serious about it. I had to be quite blunt (for me) in the end. I think don't be embarrassed about it and don't be embarrassed about taking this seriously. It is serious. It's your life and your health. They won't fall out with you forever. It is OK for other people to be miffed when you reinforce your boundaries and stand up for yourself. If they are not used to you doing it then there may be a bumpy period whilst they get used to it. That is OK. It doesn't fundamentally matter to them or to you whether you join them and eat their food or join them and don't eat their food. The first and only step is for you to understand and accept that it is OK for you not to want to do that. That's all you need to have done: to have decided that you don't want to do it.

Doctors are seeing people, yes, and also doing phone appointments. If you've logged everything you've eaten, and recorded you're exercise, then you can go through that with the doctor and say that you know you're not going to suddenly turn into Taylor Swift or whoever, but you should have seen a visible difference over 5 months. I mean 5 months - 20 weeks - 30-40 pounds that should have been. So it's not you, it's not your fault, there's something going on.

All or nothing is setting yourself up for failure unfortunately.

I had horrendous food issues for years and it’s only when I realised that no food is ‘bad’ Yes even carbs :) that I started to win the battle.

What kind of a diet are you doing that a portion of chicken curry & rice would take you over your allowance? That is a decently balanced meal.

I would hate to take part in this weekly ritual for hygiene reasons (and I was like this pre Covid before anyone asks). When my workplace done things like this previously I would have sat with everyone but ate food that I brought in for myself. I would have brought some bottles of coke & Coke Zero to contribute.