To complain about partner spending money on digital game

[emmapemma91]

Hi I live with my partner, we’re due to get married next year and have 5 kids. He works and I stay at home at the minute due to my sons SN and the cost of childcare.

He’s been spending up to £120 on average per month on a online game on his phone. It’s the odd £10, £5, it’s all adding up. When I pull him he says it’s a hobby and i can’t say anything as I spend a fortune when I take kids out (I do, but there is 5 of them). I get what he’s saying, And I don’t want to stop him from his hobby, but I don’t actually spend the money on myself, and we could really do with the money.

So his hobby is gaming, and your hobby is entertaining his children?
That’s not a hobby.

Yes, that’s not a proper comparison!

Cocomarine
So his hobby is gaming, and your hobby is entertaining his children?
That’s not a hobby

This

When you say you could do with the money, what would you do with a spare £120 a month? Savings, a holiday, or bills?

What @Cocomarine said! Grrrrrr.

Yes taking your children out isn't a hobby, I agree on that. As for the main issue, that would very much depend for me. Is this £120 all he spends all month? Does he do anything else like drink or smoke or buy expensive lunches? What proportion of your income is it? Do you need it for the family or just want it? You say you spend nothing on yourself but is that out of choice or necessity? There are too many factors to say who is unreasonable in this scenario. On the surface of it, yes it seems a bit much but it just depends on many other things.

It would go on savings, and although he doesn’t drink or go out he does smoke

I do think £120 is steep when you have 5 DC, especially if he smokes because that's expensive. I have a phone game I spend on and I can see how easy it can add up, but I spend approx £10 a month on it and have no dependents. He should have some "personal" money (as should you) if it's possible on your budget. But it needs to be fair and reasonable and it sounds like it isn't.

It's hardly a fair comparison, is it? Children vs video games?

I don't think £120 personal spending money is particularly excessive so long as you get the same amount for yourself. What amount do you have a month to spend on yourself?

If the budget won't sustain a similar amount for you to pursue a hobby he can't afford it.

So long as it isn't impacting or taking away from everyday living, I wouldn't have a problem with my DH spending it.

The comparison is ridiculous, I'd ask for £120 to spend on yourself every month.

My DH actually spends more on tools every month 🙄 ugh.

How much does he spend on smoking? That would annoy me more. 20 a day is about £250. a month.

So between the games and fags ( if 20 a day) is spending £400 a month on himself?

That's OK if you can afford it and you have a similar amount to spend OP.

I was going to say YABU but then I saw how much he actually spends! That's a lot for in game purchases for a phone game. And he thinks that you taking care of your children and entertaining them is your hobby equivalent to this!? That's absurd, what an absolute dick. Say "fine, spend all you want, but I'm spending the same amount on (whatever it is you want)" When he inevtibaly won't be happy about that, point out his hypocrisy and tell him to stop and play one of the many thousands of free phone games, and tell him to take his kids out and see how much it costs for all of them!

£120 a month is £1420 a year- which would fund a small break at the seaside for a few days for the whole family.
If he smokes 20 a day then he is spending £4.5K a year on fags.
Add the gaming and he is spending £6000 a year on himself on shite.
That would be a fantastic holiday abroad for the whole family for a fortnight.

It's about priorities.

He smokes roll ups so luckily it’s cheaper than 20 bought at the shop. No way could I afford the same amount on myself.

How much do roll ups cost? How many does he smoke?

You should both have equal spending money to spend as you wish, and I don’t mean on days out for the kids. Then whatever he chooses to spend his money on is up to him.

We have a joint account for all outgoings and all incomings goes in there, we save some and keep some extra for family stuff. Then we transfer a set and equal amount to our own (but also joint) separate accounts to spend as we wish - we use these accounts purely as our spending money. Dh spends his on gadgets and I spend mine on make up / coffees out with friends or whatever.

By the way I’m a stay at home mum and dh works - we still have equal spending money.

@emmapemma91

He smokes roll ups so luckily it’s cheaper than 20 bought at the shop. No way could I afford the same amount on myself.

That's the problem here - you should have equal spending money. If he wants to spend his on video games and cigarettes then that's fine, but you need to have the same amount to spend on what you want.

Depends. Do you have £30 a week to spend on yourself?

I’d have no issue with it given he’s funding all the bills, being the sole earner is hard as all the responsibility falls on you so having a hobby can help.

If it was getting him into debt or leaving him unable to pay bills it would be different.

@Cocomarine

So his hobby is gaming, and your hobby is entertaining his children? That’s not a hobby.

Is there a back story here? I’d assumed the kids were the ops, not her step kids?

ceCreamAndCandyfloss

He may be the sole earner, but he wouldn't be able to work if someone wasn't looking after his 5 kids.
The OP deserves as much spening money as he does.

OP that's fucking insane, I play an online game every night and I feel bad if I spend a couple of quid a month. Those games aren't real hobbies IMO.