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AIBU?

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Original poster

What's it got to do with him anyway?

39 replies

ladykuga · 20/08/2020 11:37

Exdp text today to ask when he could come and see dd. I said today because I'm busy tomorrow. He then proceeds to ask me busy doing what. Its only my parents coming to see me and dd's new home nothing nefarious. He then gets all in a huff about me being secretive, calls me a cunt Confused and that he'll come round next week. When someone says they are busy I just say ok and leave it at that. Why does he need to know my business? Am I the one being a dick here?

OP posts:
KeyWorker · 20/08/2020 11:41

No you aren’t being a dick. It’s non of his business. It’s just a way for him to Find some interesting information and hold it over you. Was he controlling by any chance?

AdoraBell · 20/08/2020 11:44

He is being controlling. You have not done anything wrong. Stick to your guns and don’t give him an inch, because he will take a million miles.

randomchap · 20/08/2020 11:45

He was being a dick. Would it work if you had set times for him to see dd rather than him texting to ask when it's convenient. A structured schedule would probably be beneficial to dd, and would stop him having to text you for dd's availability

FatCatThinCat · 20/08/2020 11:47

He wanted to know so he could argue about seeing your daughter tomorrow.

JuniperFather · 20/08/2020 11:48

@ladykuga

Exdp text today to ask when he could come and see dd. I said today because I'm busy tomorrow. He then proceeds to ask me busy doing what. Its only my parents coming to see me and dd's new home nothing nefarious. He then gets all in a huff about me being secretive, calls me a cunt Confused and that he'll come round next week. When someone says they are busy I just say ok and leave it at that. Why does he need to know my business? Am I the one being a dick here?
Agree set times with him in advance. Don't let him dictate the known terms of engagement. Good luck with it all he sound wretched to be honest.
WashedUpDriedOut · 20/08/2020 11:49

He called you a cunt? Wow.

JuniperFather · 20/08/2020 11:51

@WashedUpDriedOut

He called you a cunt? Wow.
this.
custardbear · 20/08/2020 11:51

Sounds like it's good he's your ex!

TenDays · 20/08/2020 11:55

You are not being unreasonable, he is. Your comings and goings are no longer his business. Grilling you is controlling and getting you riled about it is part of the fun for him.

I had a workmate who'd reply to insolent questions with the brilliant 'Well YOU'RE nosy, aren't you?'
This works for me too.

AryaStarkWolf · 20/08/2020 11:57

Of course it's none of his business, no doubt he wanted to to know what you were doing so he could decide if it was important enough to tell him he couldn't see his DD. What a disgusting mouth on him.

Original poster
ladykuga · 20/08/2020 12:03

@KeyWorker yes he was controlling and manipulative. Always thought I was seeing someone (still does tbh) even though I never did. I didn't reply - I have full control over my destiny now after finally selling and leaving the house we had together so I think I'll leave him to stew.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 20/08/2020 12:08

[quote ladykuga]@KeyWorker yes he was controlling and manipulative. Always thought I was seeing someone (still does tbh) even though I never did. I didn't reply - I have full control over my destiny now after finally selling and leaving the house we had together so I think I'll leave him to stew.[/quote]
It's really hard not to but not replying will have a bigger impact.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape from this guy

Happynow001 · 20/08/2020 12:16

[quote ladykuga]@KeyWorker yes he was controlling and manipulative. Always thought I was seeing someone (still does tbh) even though I never did. I didn't reply - I have full control over my destiny now after finally selling and leaving the house we had together so I think I'll leave him to stew.[/quote]

Good for you OP! And what an absolute idiot he is!! You are certainly well out of that "relationship"!

🌹for you and 🌷 for DD.

Original poster
ladykuga · 20/08/2020 12:38

@JuniperFather @WashedUpDriedOut yes, that's what he's like. One of a million reasons why we're no longer together.

OP posts:
Original poster
ladykuga · 20/08/2020 12:45

Thanks everyone for reaffirming that it's not me being unreasonable, secretive or whatever he thinks I'm being. He can't threaten or cajole me anymore so I'll just ignore and carry on making my lovely new home a home for just me and dd. I will definitely look into set days. Thanks for that . Smile

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 20/08/2020 12:48

He thinks you've got another man and is punishing his DD for it

thepeopleversuswork · 20/08/2020 12:50

My sympathies OP, my ex DH is the same; demands to see my DD at times that suit him and then kicks off if its not convenient, accusing me of being a whore etc, always claiming I prioritise work and sex (?) over my DD.

This despite the fact he's subject to an injunction for DV and pays me no maintenance.

You obviously can't bend to this but I know its harder than it sounds. It is none of his business but that doesn't stop them making you feel awful about it.

You have to hold the line, you have done nothing wrong. If you can't arrange rescheduled visits with him, which would be optimal, just shrug it off.

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/08/2020 12:52

So what if you are being secretive? Your life is nothing to do with him any more - it shouldn't matter whether you are busy with your parents or shagging every single man within a five mile radius.

It's NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!

Original poster
ladykuga · 20/08/2020 13:31

@thepeopleversuswork sorry you're going through the same exhausting, juvenile rubbish. I will take your advice and shrug it off. He's now threatening to move away. Sometimes I wish he'd just follow through with his threats instead of just teasing me.Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
ladykuga · 20/08/2020 13:33

@Zaphodsotherhead I quite agree it is none of his damn business. It just doesn't compute unfortunately. I'm finally free from his control and influence but he still manages to have an effect Angry

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 20/08/2020 14:50

It's amazing isn't it, though even if every rational bone in your body knows its none of his damn business they can still make you feel guilty....

HollowTalk · 20/08/2020 14:52

He's not going to want to come inside your new home, is he?

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 20/08/2020 14:54

My ex used to do this. If I told him what my plans were he would then proceed to tell me why his plans were more important and I should drop mine in favour of his.

Don't tell him a thing.

LookItsMeAgain · 20/08/2020 15:11

@ladykuga - if he threatens to move away, reply with "Ok then."
If he threatens to reschedule his visit to next week/next month reply with "Ok then".

Don't rise to it. By replying with something as simple as "Ok then", you are completely taking the wind out of his tantrum.

Good luck with it all :)

chickenyhead · 20/08/2020 15:14

What a wanker.

You don't owe him or anyone else an explanation.

Wouldn't be surprised if he turned up though, on purpose.

Don't feed the abuse ever. Idiot ex.

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