What's it got to do with him anyway?

[ladykuga]

Exdp text today to ask when he could come and see dd. I said today because I'm busy tomorrow. He then proceeds to ask me busy doing what. Its only my parents coming to see me and dd's new home nothing nefarious. He then gets all in a huff about me being secretive, calls me a cunt and that he'll come round next week. When someone says they are busy I just say ok and leave it at that. Why does he need to know my business? Am I the one being a dick here?

ladykuga I get this "I'm going to move away" about twice a week. "OK then" is the only response. It's all designed to provoke you into reacting, reeling you back into the drama. You just have to make it absolutely clear that none of this is your problem and you are not going to react.

I once read somewhere that the more information you give to someone the more power you give them. For some people that is true - controlling and manipulative people.

You're not being a dick, he's just pissed off that he can't pressurise you into rearranging your plans to suit him. Leave him to sulk.

Nah. Just send thumbs up. I wouldn't waste energy on typing

Hahaha. "Ok then" does seem to be my default answer these days. Threats to move away, threats of suicide, threats of not seeing dd again et cetera, ad infinitum, yada yada. Hang in there everyone going through this sort of foolishness. My sad mantra is "dd won't be young forever".

@HollowTalk. He's been twice. We are trying to co-parent and be civil but he does like to overstep boundaries at times. The snarky text being one of those instances. In truth he's not comfortable coming round because he has no control anymore and knows this is mine and dd's space only.

Why are you letting over the door, it's your space. Get him to parent somewhere else.

ladykuga
In truth he's not comfortable coming round because he has no control anymore

I think what you have said hits the nail on the head.
I understand being called a cunt is horrible, but could you flip this in your head and sort of think
"Ha ha ha he called me a cunt because he has no control anymore. I am free of being controlled by this cockwomble "
Or something like that.

God, I get this exact thing all the time too. Even down to accusations of being secretive, trying to make out I must have something to hide. Sympathies OP, it’s exhausting!

Of course he's being unreasonable. However it wont help if you keep having to have this conversation. Try to make a regular arrangement and stick to it, then there is no need for any contact in between.....

@forrestgreen unfortunately he can't parent elsewhere. I've got to supervise. Had some issues in the past where social services got involved

Sounds like my ex. Who also called me a cunt. What a treasure. I'm a few years down the line and it's taken me all this time to disregard his bullshit. You did nothing wrong so ignore him

@aceofspades987 that's exactly what I intend to do. It's just so boring. I wish he would meet someone else and leave me alone but I would feel so guilty inflicting him on another woman - I'd need to warn her beforehand, sisterhood and all that

I feel the same but no one would want an alcoholic man child

Can he not organise a contact centre, no court would tell you contact has to be in your house surely?