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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo looking after 1yo?

42 replies

WindFlower92 · 19/08/2020 21:01

Well not quite. But I'm looking for others' opinions as I find it hard to judge this sort of thing when it comes to my ILs! So I have 1yo DD, and SIL has 3 kids - 7, 3 and 2. All live close by and we all get on. Just started seeing each other again since lockdown, so DD is now mobile! Last time they came round she walked all round the house with 7yo. At times they stayed in the lounge while we were in the garden (window so we could see). 7yo is sensible, but kept popping back out to the garden/upstairs to the loo and leaving DD, which made me uncomfortable and I told her not to leave her unattended. Was this over the top?

They're coming round to help me with the garden tomorrow, which means we'll be down the bottom while the kids play. Would I be crazy to ask for my DD to stay outside so I can see her? Or should I relax and let 7yo take her into the lounge at times? I just want to avoid being a helicopter parent as I know I won't always be able to watch her, but is this a stupid idea at this stage? 2yo and 3yo are in and out of the garden/lounge but do ask if they need to go upstairs for the loo.

I hope that makes sense and that someone reads this!

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 19/08/2020 21:09

I thought you were going to work for the day leaving the 7 year old in charge! Only you know the 7 year old and your 1 year old so only you can make that decision. Why can’t they be in the garden with you all?

tmh88 · 19/08/2020 21:12

Depends how young of a 1 year old as DS when 14 months put a bloody battery in his mouth(still don’t know what it cane from).. I wouldn’t trust a 7 year old to spot that!

Time2change2 · 19/08/2020 21:18

Probably not to be honest. If only just on her feet, there is a risk of falling/ bumping into stuff, finding small things on the floor, stairs if someone left the gate open, my kids used to put their hands down the loo, turn on the oven/ washing machine, climb on window sills and walk along them! Bash the telly with their hands making it wobble, climb drawers of open, I accidentally left the front door ajar once and they were in the road when I next looked. 1 year olds are babies on legs. Keep in the garden with you and follow her around

user1493413286 · 19/08/2020 21:23

I’d want the 1 year old within eye sight; my DSD was 10 when my DD was 1 and apart from to nip to the loo or put the kettle on I didn’t leave them together as I couldn’t expect my a child to risk assess or supervise to the extent required as my 1 year old would climb, out things in her mouth etc. Now my DD is 3 I’m more relaxed about it but at 1 i wouldn’t

alphasox · 19/08/2020 21:53

Maybe I’m too relaxed but I leave my 8 and 2 year old together (and did when they were 7 and 1) while I cook in the next room, nip to the loo or they’re in the garden and I’m inside etc for a few minutes at a time. I listen to them and call ‘everyone ok?’ Every now and again and pop my head around the door if they go quiet or don’t answer. My eldest Is very trustworthy and a great brother though, so maybe assess if you trust the 7 year old in this instance?

AnteaterTonic · 19/08/2020 21:57

If you can see her I think it's fine.

Lancrelady80 · 19/08/2020 21:57

This does not sit right with me at all, not at 1 year old. 7 and 3 or 4, yes. But not such a littlie. It's too much responsibility to give a 7 year old imo. And I'd be terrified about safety.

RIPworkingmums · 19/08/2020 22:01

Like the above pp I do leave my 7 year old ‘in charge’ for a few minutes at a time if I am cooking for example. But I wouldn’t leave her with the toddler while you are gardening for hours, no. I’m sorry but you can’t expect a 7yr old to be able to accurately assess risks and to ‘foresee’ what the toddler might be doing, especially as she doesn’t live with you (I mean that my daughter knows her brother and what he is and isn’t allowed to do - she can also tell when he is planning something!). What if something happened and your daughter was hurt? How would your niece feel in that situation too? It’s not worth the risk imo. Keep them in the garden or if you can see in the living room perhaps let them in there and shut the door to the rest of the house.

Sailingblue · 19/08/2020 22:04

1 is a very challenging age. My view on it is if you would leave them alone, then fine with the 7yo if not then don’t. So, there is no way I’d leave my 1 year old out of sight in the care of a 7 year old while I was in the garden. But I would leave them in a safe room for 5-10 mins while I had a quick shower.

My 1 year old is very unpredictable and needs careful supervision. My older child has a lot of freedom. The time will come when you can let them get on with it but you’re a little while off yet.

Elieza · 19/08/2020 22:05

Nope. Too many potential hazards the girl won’t know to watch out for re the baby.

However if she’s within sight that’s fine.

CostaCosta · 19/08/2020 22:15

I wouldn't. Like you said, you had to tell the 7yo not yo leave the dd unattended. She might have something else she wants tk see or do and she wont necessarily think about your dd. I end up playing with my children and nieces just so i can keep an eye on my ds2.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2020 22:17

A 7 year old should not be held responsible for a 1 year old, full stop.

Londonmummy66 · 19/08/2020 22:18

Parent your own child

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 19/08/2020 22:24

I told her not to leave her unattended

This is unreasonable. She is 7, she isn't a babysitter, she is only just about responsible for looking after herself.

You should be keeping an eye on your dd and not putting the responsibility on a child, so I would keep her in the garden tomorrow.

Galaboutbal · 19/08/2020 22:27

Defo too young.

LovingLola · 19/08/2020 22:31

I have a niece who is 7.
I wouldn’t leave her in charge of a doll!
Her 6 year old brother on the other hand would take the responsibility of looking after a toddler very seriously. Not that I would let him. I would let him think he was but I’d keep a very close eye.

GabsAlot · 19/08/2020 22:32

i hate this its not the 7 year olds responsibility to make sure then one year old or any of them are ok tbf

they dont think the same as adults theyre not able to watch out for dangers

ThePlantsitter · 19/08/2020 22:36

7 is too small to watch the 1 yr old. I know she seems huge in comparison to your baby but she is teeny herself really!

Original poster
WindFlower92 · 19/08/2020 22:58

You're right, I should go with my gut and tell them to stay in the garden! I've been nervous about this visit all week as I know they'll tell me I'm crazy for saying that, so I wanted to check that I'm not!

OP posts:
DipSwimSwoosh · 19/08/2020 23:00

Why on earth would you leave a 1 year old without an adult at all?

Soundbyte · 19/08/2020 23:04

Please don’t make other kids responsible for your kids. Even kids are all of a similar age, and I’d they all belong to you... please don’t do it.

Soundbyte · 19/08/2020 23:05

*Even IF kids are all of a similar age, and if they all belong to you... please don’t do it.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2020 23:06

Stop allowing other people's opinions determine how you care for your child. Be a parent, not a mug.

Lougle · 19/08/2020 23:07

It was all fine until you said that you told her not to leave the 1 year old unattended. That shifts responsibility for her well-being on to the 7 year old, which is not right, IMO. I wouldn't give responsibility for a 1 year old to my 11 year old - imagine the life-long guilt for the child if something went wrong.

DelphiniumBlue · 19/08/2020 23:09

I trusted my own children with their baby brother, but then I'd trained them so it's very different to expecting someone elses's 7 year old to look after your child the way you want.
Quite honestly, I'm surprised that a 7 year old with younger siblings doesn't know that a baby can't be left unattended, and just for that reason I wouldn't leave my baby with that 7 year old.

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