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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7yo looking after 1yo?

42 replies

WindFlower92 · 19/08/2020 21:01

Well not quite. But I'm looking for others' opinions as I find it hard to judge this sort of thing when it comes to my ILs! So I have 1yo DD, and SIL has 3 kids - 7, 3 and 2. All live close by and we all get on. Just started seeing each other again since lockdown, so DD is now mobile! Last time they came round she walked all round the house with 7yo. At times they stayed in the lounge while we were in the garden (window so we could see). 7yo is sensible, but kept popping back out to the garden/upstairs to the loo and leaving DD, which made me uncomfortable and I told her not to leave her unattended. Was this over the top?

They're coming round to help me with the garden tomorrow, which means we'll be down the bottom while the kids play. Would I be crazy to ask for my DD to stay outside so I can see her? Or should I relax and let 7yo take her into the lounge at times? I just want to avoid being a helicopter parent as I know I won't always be able to watch her, but is this a stupid idea at this stage? 2yo and 3yo are in and out of the garden/lounge but do ask if they need to go upstairs for the loo.

I hope that makes sense and that someone reads this!

OP posts:
CelestialSpanking · 19/08/2020 23:09

Would never leave a young child to look after a mobile baby. That level of responsibility isn’t fair on them.

GolfForBrains · 19/08/2020 23:12

Fuck, no. There are also a 2 and 3 year old wandering your house and garden (not theirs) in this scenario, no adults keeping an eye on them either, is this down to the 7 year old too?! Youngest three should be in the garden or you have one of the adults on childcare duty.

oldmumnewmum · 19/08/2020 23:14

Are people really this fucking stupid? Look after your baby!

TillyTheTiger · 19/08/2020 23:14

If it was just the 7yo and the 1yo I'd still say no, but with the fact there are two other toddlers in the mix who will also be going in and out of the room your DD is in, could try picking her up and dropping her, giving her a toy that's a choking hazard etc, there are just SO many things that can go wrong!

Original poster
WindFlower92 · 19/08/2020 23:26

Thanks for the wake up call all, especially @Aquamarine1029, you hit the nail on the head! Not an excuse, but it's hard to trust your gut when you're constantly being told it's wrong and you're overreacting. Got more confident over lockdown but it's creeping back again now I'm mixing with ILs again Sad She can stay outside and I will ignore the eyerolling.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2020 23:41

You're a wonderful mum, op. You don't need the approval from anyone as to how you parent your child. Stay strong and ignore their bullshit.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/08/2020 23:49

When I think of all the near misses my lightening fast and energetic lot have had when when I was nearby and all the accidents I have only just averted, there is absolutely no way I would let a 7 year old be saddled with the responsibility. Don't let these people tell you what to do.

Lougle · 19/08/2020 23:50

@LovingLola

I have a niece who is 7. I wouldn’t leave her in charge of a doll! Her 6 year old brother on the other hand would take the responsibility of looking after a toddler very seriously. Not that I would let him. I would let him think he was but I’d keep a very close eye.
When DD2 was about 7, she carried a doll through to my room and I said 'See, DD2, you'll make a great Mummy when you're older!' and she promptly said 'Oh no, I'm not having a baby. Look...' then rapped the baby's head three times and continued '....plastic!' Grin
runninguphills · 20/08/2020 06:29

Definately not my first child.
I let the oldest look after my 3rd child as much as possible (6.5 dd look after 1 year old ds) Grin

Fredfrench62 · 20/08/2020 06:34

I don't think you're being a helicopter parent at all. I think its good for the 7 year old to think shes in charge and good for the 1 year old to be with other people. But I would definetly want one eye on them at all times.

Sailingblue · 20/08/2020 06:43

You need to stick up for yourself a b e not compromise on basic safety. I have always been one for independence but a 1 year old is just too risky. Your in-laws sound a bit lax with the 2yo to be honest too. In the last few days my 1yo has tried to eat food from a kitchen bin, shut herself in the loo and while I was cooking (in same room but back turned) opened a stool, moved it and started trying to climb on the worktop.

uglyface · 20/08/2020 06:48

My friend’s nine year old often wanders off round the park or wherever we are with my 20 month old. However, she can mostly communicate and would immediately run back to me if there was something she wasn’t sure of. The nine year old is very sensible, and I have earmarked her as future babysitter!

I’m not sure whether I would at seven and closer to 12 months (a young one year old as opposed to a nearly two year old IYSWIM). I teach seven and eight year olds, and they grow up a LOT when they hit nine/ten.

Al depends on the children in question, but in a garden vs living room situation I’d be inclined to baby proof and give it a try with clear rules in place. If it works, then you’ve gained some freedom yourself!

Goingdownto · 20/08/2020 06:52

And if it doesn't work?

Feelingconfused2020 · 20/08/2020 06:57

I see that you've made your mind up anyway which is good but just wanted to add that I have three and my oldest is 6 yrs older than his baby sister. He would have been fine with this until.something else caught his attention then all of a sudden he'd be playing with his Lego and she would be pottering round on her own with bits of Lego all over the floor. At 7 they are unpredictable and won't see danger like you do.

Also it's slightly different with siblings in their own home anyway. This is a child who hasn't seen your baby much.

AgentJohnson · 20/08/2020 07:08

Your 7 year old shouldn’t be responsible for another child.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/08/2020 10:53

I wouldn't even carry on this discussion with SIL, she's putting you under pressure and being a bit patronising I think. Just do exactly what you want without apologising or justifying.
Why not let 7 yr old play with 1 year old under your eye and get back into observation mode yourself as soon as they start to move out of view. So SIL's conversation may be interrupted. So what?
You are in charge not your SIL and there are so many potential mishaps around a home or garden that you would kick yourself. I'm thinking fingers in doors, tripping over door lintels and hitting head on patio etc. At your LO's age they are fast and curious and now able to reach up on kitchen counters.
My teens were supposed to be watching youngest and LO wandered off whilst I was just in the loo and hurt himself in the kitchen.
Another time I was working from home and had a mother's help (18) in to watch my two year old at the time, I came downstairs to find her in the sitting room and DC in the kitchen sitting on the floor in front of the open fridge door covered in Yogurt and other food and playing with kitchen knives. That was in the space of 10 minutes.

OverTheRainbow88 · 20/08/2020 11:22

My sil made me feel silly for standing next to a slide my 18 month was going down.... so the next time I didn’t stand there, he fell over the side of the slide... I’ve never allowed myself to feel bad again about doing what I think is safe. Sil saw the fall and looked
Quite embarrassed

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