to ask DH to move out for a while?

[namechangedforthecraic]

Been shielding extremely vulnerable household members and have been extremely conservative since the pausing of shielding due to the level of risk. Time has come for DH to return to his work as a secondary teacher meaning he'll be face to face with hundreds of teenagers across the week in poorly ventilated classrooms with no PPE.
Aibu to expect that DH should live elsewhere (this is a possibility for us logistically) to protect our family members in the home? With his agreement of course. Neither of us know how to handle this really and wonder what other families in this situation are doing?

It depends on the vulnerability of the family members and what their daily life will be come September. For example if they are school age and returning to school then I think taking precautions for both is best. But if the vulnerable one will remain shielding and the risks to their health are significant I think the option for hubby to temporarily move out is a good one but one to be kept under review as this could last a long time.

I don’t envy your dilemma

If you ask him to move out I assume you’re happy for him to be away for a very long time.

Who are the vulnerable household members? If it’s anyone except your own children then I wouldn't expect him to leave his own house.

I wouldn't. Maybe if its regarding his child but if it's an adult then no.

Who in the household?

I wouldn’t. I would miss my husband too much and given this virus isn’t going away anytime soon, you’re looking at him mo I go out for the school year.

Have you children - would they/he not miss one another ?

One extremely vulnerable primary age child, his child. One disabled, chronically ill adult. Both very high risk.
Don't know what to do. I know it's not going to be any different any time soon. How do we live with this.

Question for those who think he should stay at home: would you put in place distancing/shielding in the house ie sleeping separately and not having physical contact etc?

Only he can decide. But as life gets back to something approaching normal, we have to accept some element of risk, we can't cocoon indefinitely and none of us will live forever. It's not reasonable to expect him to move out of his own home to shield another adult.

And his own child? Who is also in the extremely clinically vulnerable category

Can he wear a mask at school?

I'd like him to. They're not being asked to by school and I think it may impede his teaching. Also aren't masks largely for the protection of others? The students won't be wearing them.

If he wears a mask, follows good hand hygiene and showers and changes the second he comes in I think that’s the best you can do. If that doesn’t sit right with you then you need to talk to him

I work in a school. We have colleagues with vulnerable family members etc and they are wearing masks and we are trying to be distanced from the kids as much as possible. It's a hard one.

A face visor may help protect him and be easier to teach in.

@namechangedforthecraics is the child going to school ?

Apparently so. In a very different set of circumstances. Tiny school. Small class bubble. Can be withdrawn for home schooling if it feels too risky. So stressed about all of it.

The risk is never going to be absolute zero or completely manageable. You just have to make a choice that you can live with

We've got the same dilemma but slightly different circumstances. Dh is very vulnerable and still shielding & wfh indefinitely.
I work in a school and have 2 teens returning to school too, dh is temporarily moving in with family that are still shielding. We're hoping the return to school won't cause much of a rise in cases etc but we live in an area that has had a high number of cases and we just don't want to take any chances.

Sounds like a good plan @allfalldown47 It's all so complicated. I worry that if DH moves out then there's no end point for us, nothing is set to change for a long time and there's little chance that the risk will decrease, maybe even increase as we've had lowish numbers around here. It's a complete nightmare as I hate the thought of him leaving us yet can't bear the risk of him bringing it into our household. He doesn't know what to do for the best either.

Do the doctors of the child and the adult recommend that they stay shielded ?

I'd ask the medical professionals in each case whether your OH moving out would be advisable or OTT

I would seek medical advice. Are the adult and child under a consultant? The learning about covid and who is vulnerable has changed significantly since the original shielding (eg lung conditions aren't considered to be a significant vulnerability).

This could go on for 3/4 years.

Have you sought medical advice of child’s/adult’s main consultant/GP/specialist nurse? I can totally understand your concern but equally the impact on the family of DH being out of the house for an indefinite period could also have other negative impacts. Sensible precautions is your DH using PPE (a visor of not a mask), hand hygiene, cleaning classroom etc. I am a nurse and when I got home at the height of COVID stripped off clothing/shoes at the door and they went straight into the washer on a hot wash I then was straight into the shower for a body and hair wash and into clean clothes before greeting my DP/DC. Also wiped the car door handles/steering wheel/door handles down with an antibacterial wipe.

This could go on for 3/4 years.

It could also go on for a few months.

What price do you put on the death of a loved one?

Yes, I've sought advice from the medical specialists who lead care for these family members. Advice is to start to integrate back into 'normal' life as per govt advice. There's nothing much more they could advise could they? Things are so uncertain that, as posters have pointed out and I know, we could be living with this for the long term and advising people to stay in full lock down isn't viable. But yet, cases are on the rise and lives are precious. It feels extremely difficult to open up our family to much higher risk level when we've done so much to stay safe for this long. I don't see any other professions facing such direct face to face contact with so many people without protective measures. Guess we just have to get on with it really. It's not right to split up our family for the long term. None of it feels right.