More of a WWYD - ear piercing

[Slimeisevil]

Hi all,

Name changed as I’m sure ex DM is on here and don’t want to link any other threads.

I will try to keep it brief but I also want to fill in any areas that may give you more of an insight.

My DD is 8. She has been asking to have her ears pierced since she was 7. I told her to wait a year and see if she still feels the same. She does as she has been asking every month.

Me and her dad split before she was born. He’s a narcissist and just general twat. Emotionally, mentally and financially abusive hence why we aren’t together - a whole other thread I guess.

He sees her every other weekend.

She has mentioned a few times to him that she wants her ears pierced and he seems to be dead against it. Says it will ruin her ears etc etc. Went on to say that I would be a bad mum if I took her and both parents MUST agree and it’s borderline child abuse.

DD asked again yesterday if she could have them done. She is due to call her dad today.

What would you do, get her to mention it? Tell her she can’t have them done yet? Do I just take her to get them done?

Not going to lie I am shitting myself if I do the latter as I would get no end of shit (we have no contact due to police advise) and they keep in touch via a mobile that DD uses purely for this contact. So, DD would hear no end of the comments etc and then she would come home upset etc.

So wise mumsnetters, what would you do?

I am so over feeling like this.

Just to add, he didn’t want to know her the first year of her life, uses her against me, only started paying maintenance a year ago (when I finally had the strength to go through CMS) and even then he misses payments and requests mandatory reconsiderations. Anything to do with him is a huge ball ache and I feel an anxious mess.

She's too young to consent herself (think it's 16) so both of you must agree. How would you like it in reverse. Ear piercing isn't as common now, she won't be the only one not allowed

What are your actual feelings on piercing. Forget ex. I said in the holidays before secondary as they had to be able to take care of them and at 8 they aren't IMO.

But make the choice yourself. Do what you think is right. You DD and exh don't get to make your choices for you.

*I am serious. As it happens I only have sons who are both adults, but I would not want an 8 year old granddaughter to look tacky and common.
How horribly snobby

Tough.*

Sorry to let you know, but the opinion of someone as hideously snobby as this matters not one jot to me. Not sure what you mean by 'tough'. I guess you mean you don't care what anyone else thinks of you or whether you offend anyone? you don't mind being bigoted, short-sighted, up yourself, arrogant and small minded? OK. So what?

If my opinion ‘matters not one jot’ to you, why on earth are you commenting on it? I certainly am not remotely bothered by your opinion.

I didn't expect you to be TrickyD but the BLM movement has shown us (at least those of us who care about others) that it is important to speak up when you see racism. And your comment is both racist and classist. I don't expect you to be bothered by my opinion as I expect you care about no-one's opinion other than your own which you value very, very highly. But it's important for others to see this kind of antiquated, damaging and shameful attitude being called out.

Wait until she is going to senior school.

HerNameWas Eliza, maybe you missed the post where I said my granddaughter (and her brother for that matter) are of mixed race, you also seem to assume I am white.

TrickyD that does not give you a get out of jail free card to spout racist nonsense. I assumed nothing. I said what you said was racist and classist. Because it is.

Classist possibly, not racist. I am not pulling a ‘Get out of Jail Free’ card; in return please desist from playing the racist card.

Wow ear piercing has some extreme reactions and some uncalled for judgement. I had dd 3 and wouldn't pierce her ears and luckily she hasn't asked but I don't see it as that big of a deal mine were done very young I can't remember it and it did me no harm just more usual maybe in 80's

Indirect racism is still racism TrickyD, let's not pretend otherwise. It is a card if you think that means your offensive comments could t possibly be racist. Not sure why you don't care about being classiest either but there's no helping some people. I'm going to stop engaging with you now as there's no value in talking to people who take pride in putting others down

Goodbye.

My teenage DD had her ears pierced 4 weeks ago, and despite taking great care and following the instructions provided, her ear is severely infected and the earring has disappeared into her ear. We have been advised by our GP surgery to attend A + E to have it removed using gas and air as it will be so painful

Sounds horrid. Was it done with a gun?

Thanks @Slimeisevil it has been an awful experience for her.

Yes @pinkyredrose it was done with a gun at a well known high street chain .

As an update my DD did have to have her embedded earring removed by a nurse using a scalpel at A+E and my daughter was provided with a freezing spray and gas and air it was so difficult to remove. Having done some research others have had the same unfortunate experience.