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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More of a WWYD - ear piercing

64 replies

Slimeisevil · 19/08/2020 11:20

Hi all,

Name changed as I’m sure ex DM is on here and don’t want to link any other threads.

I will try to keep it brief but I also want to fill in any areas that may give you more of an insight.

My DD is 8. She has been asking to have her ears pierced since she was 7. I told her to wait a year and see if she still feels the same. She does as she has been asking every month.

Me and her dad split before she was born. He’s a narcissist and just general twat. Emotionally, mentally and financially abusive hence why we aren’t together - a whole other thread I guess.

He sees her every other weekend.

She has mentioned a few times to him that she wants her ears pierced and he seems to be dead against it. Says it will ruin her ears etc etc. Went on to say that I would be a bad mum if I took her and both parents MUST agree and it’s borderline child abuse.

DD asked again yesterday if she could have them done. She is due to call her dad today.

What would you do, get her to mention it? Tell her she can’t have them done yet? Do I just take her to get them done?

Not going to lie I am shitting myself if I do the latter as I would get no end of shit (we have no contact due to police advise) and they keep in touch via a mobile that DD uses purely for this contact. So, DD would hear no end of the comments etc and then she would come home upset etc.

So wise mumsnetters, what would you do?

I am so over feeling like this.

Just to add, he didn’t want to know her the first year of her life, uses her against me, only started paying maintenance a year ago (when I finally had the strength to go through CMS) and even then he misses payments and requests mandatory reconsiderations. Anything to do with him is a huge ball ache and I feel an anxious mess.

OP posts:
GarlicSoup · 19/08/2020 12:04

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Too young at Primary age to understand the implications of piercing. I’d buy some stick on earrings or fake ones and look at it again in the high school years.
^ Absolutely this. My teenage DD had her ears pierced 4 weeks ago, and despite taking great care and following the instructions provided, her ear is severely infected and the earring has disappeared into her ear. We have been advised by our GP surgery to attend A + E to have it removed using gas and air as it will be so painful.
Original poster
Slimeisevil · 19/08/2020 12:08

Thank you for the replies.

The school allows it and can cover them up with tape.

A few things though to take on board which is helpful. I will have a chat with her later about it.

Thanks again all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slimeisevil · 19/08/2020 12:09

@GarlicSoup that sounds awful. Your poor DD.

OP posts:
TheBodyPiercer · 19/08/2020 12:09

Just to jump in.

Please don't get them done with a gun.
Secondly I know a lot of people get them done during the 6 weeks but they do take longer than that to fully heal. They might look healed but the inside isn't fully settled.

If piercings have to be removed for school I would delay as long as possible.

Saharafordessert · 19/08/2020 12:18

Is it worth all the anxiety for you?
I would just wait a few years.....now isn’t a great time what with it being the start of a new term and Covid etc

CornedBeef451 · 19/08/2020 12:21

I think 8 is too young anyway so I would say no for now and give an arbitrary age, I stuck to 11 although DD is 12 now and still hadn't had them done.

They do need to be done at the beginning of the summer holiday though so there is time to heal.

Emmelina · 19/08/2020 12:22

If she really wants them done and you’re happy, take her. Preferably a studio rather than somewhere like Claire’s though :)
It may be worth now waiting until the next school holidays as they’re so close to returning now, you want to give them time to heal before she’s expected to remove or cover them for pe. (If not fully healed even taping them over may make them go all gooey and sore).

RedRumTheHorse · 19/08/2020 12:29

@TrickyD

* *@TrickyD be serious you muppet. I am serious. As it happens I only have sons who are both adults, but I would not want an 8 year old granddaughter to look tacky and common.
So all Asian and Africa girls are tacky and common?

Or do you just reserve your disgust for girls that are white?

TrickyD · 19/08/2020 12:41

RedRumTheHorse, my granddaughter is of mixed race, and no, I would not have wanted her to have her ears pierced at 8.

Mmmmdanone · 19/08/2020 12:44

My dd had a bad infection after ear piercing at the age of 8. It had to be redone a few years later after they were removed (painfully). I would recommend a needle piercing and a couple of years personally. It wasn't fun.

StripyHorse · 19/08/2020 12:48

Echoing other people re: the gun. Go somewhere that pierces with a needle instead. However, some may have a higher age limit so will make her wait longer, and some may not be piercing under 18 at all yet.

Search for APP UK placed if you can (Association of Professional Piercers) as members must have high standards.

Original poster
Slimeisevil · 19/08/2020 13:00

Next year it is. DD understands. And she said she would rather take them out than cover them up for P.E.

Thank you all again Smile

OP posts:
ClickandForget · 19/08/2020 13:04

My dd nagged me for ears pierced but I insisted she had to be 12. She had them done at 12 but they were sore for quite a while which pissed her off. Then she got fed up of taking them out at school for PE etc she finally let them heal up. She had pierced ears for approx 4 months. 6 years of nagging I put up with for those bloody piercings.

timesareachanging · 19/08/2020 13:31

@JustCallMeGriffin

Excellent advice.

I’d pierce them OP when the time is right

HerNameWasEliza · 19/08/2020 13:43

I am serious. As it happens I only have sons who are both adults, but I would not want an 8 year old granddaughter to look tacky and common.

How horribly snobby.

Asuitablecat · 19/08/2020 13:49

I was 12 when I had mine done. They got infected and had to be surgically removed. I don t think age is a good indicatorGrin

Ohtherewearethen · 19/08/2020 14:00

I'd just be concerned that he would take them out on one of the weekends he sees her. It seems like your daughter is happy to wait a year but bear it in mind incase her dad is still against it next year.

TrickyD · 19/08/2020 15:56

I am serious. As it happens I only have sons who are both adults, but I would not want an 8 year old granddaughter to look tacky and common.
How horribly snobby

Tough.

Redkatagain · 19/08/2020 16:57

We had this with DSc. Mum was in favour at similar age. DP was dead set against. with good health reasons. He felt so strongly that he saw a solicitor. The advice was that as he had parental responsibility he had equal rights to make the decision and that if he said no, it must be respected until aged 16.
He told ex that he would require any piercings to be removed while in his care.

olivo · 19/08/2020 17:02

I'm afraid I am that adult woman who regrets having their ears pierced! For that reason, I haven't allowed my Dds to have theirs done. As they have got older, they are pleased they didn't as it would be too much hassle with their sports training. They used clip and magnetic ones, there are some really pretty ones around.

GreenGordon · 19/08/2020 17:12

Can I please derail this thread for a moment? Why are people saying the guns are a bad idea? I’m a woman in my 60s considering having my ears repierced having grown over. Originally they were done with a gun. Would someone mind explaining, please?

Sunnydaysandsalad · 19/08/2020 17:18

My dd's at 4+5 used the proper cleaner and a cotton bud under supervision every night. Never had any issues.
Secondary school is a bit harsh!

Emmelina · 19/08/2020 18:05

@GreenGordon
The guns can’t be properly sterilised, for one.
And the other thing is, they literally use a blunt earring to actually pierce the ear which doesn’t make the cleanest wound, and leads to a lot of bleeding and a higher risk of infection.
A proper piercing needle is sharp but hollow, and takes a clean core of flesh as it cuts through. Much less trauma and bruising and heals better!

Emmelina · 19/08/2020 18:05

Not bleeding, argh. Bruising.

GreenGordon · 19/08/2020 18:07

Ah, thank you, Emmelina! When I had it done first, at school the gun was the safe option, the alternative being someone’s big sister with an ice cube and a sewing needle!