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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you are overweight, what, in your opinion, made you that way?

592 replies

SistemaAddict · 19/08/2020 09:31

There's been lots of threads recently about weight inspired by the government trying to crack down on obesity yet encouraging us to eat out and posters bemoaning the lockdown lard/pandemic pounds. There has been lots of discussion about the causes of obesity or being overweight due to societal and financial factors but I wanted to ask what posters think made them either overweight or obese because reasons will vary. Certain medications and conditions can cause weight gain and/or make it harder to lose weight and the peri-menopause/menopause doesn't help.

I stopped breastfeeding a year ago and my appetite didn't return to normal after stopping so I gained weight. Then my asthma was bad from October onwards and my ability to go on bike rides was limited. Then lockdown and shielding and my 5 mile school hike up and down big hills went out of the window and I ate too many biscuits and chocolate and would eat in the evening while reading or watching tv. I gained around a stone and that took me into the overweight category.

In June I decided enough was enough and started 16:8 and limited myself to around 1250 calories a day. I bought a fitbit and started using my fitness pal. Both encouraged me to go on walks with the dc and to take more trips up and down the stairs than were necessary to meet my target of 25 flights a day. I stopped eating after dinner, watched my portion sizes and cut out most of the junk I was eating. I'm now a normal weight with a BMI of 24. I'm carrying on with my healthier lifestyle and improved habits but it's hard especially in the evenings when I want chocolate. My aim is to get to a BMI of 23 as that is where I look and feel best.

I don't want this to be a judgemental thread, or for anyone to fat shame posters, I just wanted to share my own reasons for weight gain and ask others' experiences because it's a very individual thing beyond "too many calories in vs calories out" and it can be very complex.

OP posts:
MitziK · 19/08/2020 22:47

A mixture of things.

Food deprivation as a kid (abuse) and young adult (poverty) - eat what you can, as fast as you can, as it'll be taken away from you or you don't know when you'll get to eat again. It could taste like shit (and frequently did), but what was important was to get it down you as quickly as possible.

A violent relationship. If I was too heavy for him to pick up by the throat, I was less likely to experience being choked out again. Even being bounced off the walls hurt less with a good layer of fat to cushion the ribs and legs. It made the prospect of dieting to get lighter distinctly unappealing.

Prescription of Depo Provera - apparently, it was absolutely NOT going to result in weight gain, if anything, it would result in weight loss, according to the prescriber who was coincidentally being given targets for long term contraception takeup. Three stone in 4 months, that did. Result in terms of the previous category, but not great for the BMI.

Autoimmune Disease. Pain, tiredness, dizziness, migraines. Anything that was quick and accessible would do. Especially when the strains of travelling to work and working were such that a two mile walk at lunchtime to the nearest shop selling anything other than chocolate or crisps was impossible to fit in at lunchtime.

Leading on from this, working for the NHS. At the time, all the franchises selling food on site were Burger King, a place selling massive baguettes or cake, a newsagent selling chocolate and crisps or Costa. The surrounding shops were sweet shops and I was too tired and sore to think about shopping, planning and making packed lunches, especially as there wasn't anywhere onsite I could eat them, as the contracts for the franchises stated that only people eating their food could sit in the sole area with tables and eating in your office was banned. These days, as M&S seem to have taken over everything, I think it would be much, much easier to get hold of a nice salad or sushi.

My ideal would be to work next door to a Pret or Itsu. I now work next door to a Londis. So I don't go in.

I just don't like the smell, taste or texture of packed lunches. Even things I normally love turn revolting once they've been in there for six hours, refrigerated or not - and, as again, I'm down to desperately trying to grab a few seconds to shove something in before I'm spotted eating at my desk (not allowed), it needs to be portable, not messy, zero smell and certainly not anything like leftovers to be reheated and consumed at my leisure.

I think I'll start losing some weight again now I'm back at work. But whilst I know exactly what would work for me - access to fresh ingredients, salads, etc, with lots of choices and time to sit somewhere peacefully and eat them slowly - it's not something available to me.

Oh, and gyms need to reopen properly. The local authority ones are still closed and the private ones are giving you 30 minutes in the pool maximum with you having to book days in advance, or one hour from coming in the door to leaving it again, which isn't worth the monthly fee. I need access to safe exercising, thanks to the autoimmune condition - a jog or walk would damage joints and tendons so much that I'd be unable to stand up for about 9 months (been there, done it, have plenty of injuries from silly things, thanks to the bolloxed musculoskeletal system).

And I'm tired. So fucking tired. There's no physio available, my treatment plan hasn't been looked at for months, I'm in pain 24/7 and I haven't got the mental or physical energy to do more than drag myself to and from work. So whatever is put in front of me for dinner, I'll eat it.

GrimDamnFanjo · 19/08/2020 22:49

Emotional eating and depression, I have lost 5 stone, I have another 3 to go...

WeatherObsessed · 19/08/2020 23:18

Joining SW. Seriously! I needed to lose two stone, joined SW and took literally months to reach target and in the meantime learnt that it was not unusual to consume considerably more calories than I had previously been. I then reverted to my old eating habits plus the extras. Instead of eating one biscuit, I ate half a pack, replacing a standard sized chocolate bar with share sizes, etc, etc.

Jimdandy · 19/08/2020 23:45

There’s multiple reasons for me:

  1. Poor willpower
  2. Sweet tooth
  3. Used to walk at least 10 miles a day for work - helped keep weight manageable even with the odd binge
  4. Emotional eater. Been depressed for a long time and eating makes me happy temporarily until I look in the mirror
  5. Got sciatica during second pregnancy, could barely walk, got out the habit, now when I try I struggle so I’ve stopped trying!! (Bad I know)
  6. Two year age gap between children, struggled so much when they were born. Too knackered for food prep and cooking so wouldn’t eat properly and then binge and gorge in evenings.

Ultimately poor willpower.

Merryoldgoat · 20/08/2020 00:41

So many reasons. But mostly I ate to push down the unhappiness from my childhood. And now it’s a terrible habit.

I’ve managed to lose 2 stone over lockdown. I still need to lose 9 more to be in the healthy BMI category. It feels impossible.

greenorangeclock · 20/08/2020 00:59

Was always a fat child and food was a main source of comfort growing up. We grew up poor with little in the way of luxuries but always lots of food and snacks available - probably the wrong sort.

Have continued to be fat throughout adulthood and slimmed down a little in my twenties but after having DC now, I'm a classified fatty again.

Lockdown hasn't helped and working from home with DC at home with all the continued stress has become one big excuse for constant snacking. Relationship with DH swings from bickering to ignoring each other, so it's late nights for me alone on the sofa, surfing the internet and more snacking.

My life is a mess and yes I'm fat on top of it all Sad

alittleprivacy · 20/08/2020 10:10

Moving in with my boyfriend/husband. I was always a healthy weight until I was 23 and we moved in together. I ate the same sized meals as him, snacked with him, drank more because wine with dinner/a drink while watching tv was his norm and I joined with that. I had an active job and a sporting hobby, so they helped but even still I was gaining weight. When my BMI went to 26, I passed it off as muscle as I was fairly muscular but in hindsight I realise my BMI had risen because of excess fat due to over eating.

Over the years with my husband my weight gain increased. Through my 20s it was probably only a few extra pounds a year. But in my early 30s life became very, very stressful due to that drinking habit of his being a major problem, among some other issues including ovarian endometriosis. As a result my weight gain increased pretty rapidly and even with flatter sizing I had to move into a size 12, which as I'm 5'1" was very much overweight for me.

I ended up a single parent to a new baby when it became apparent that my husband's "recovery" from alcoholism was actually just a functional period. When I was pregnant and wasn't able to support him as much, the wheels came off. For the first few months of DS's life I was stressed, tired and comfort ate. And I drank 2 or 3 cans of coke a day. I didn't realise it until I saw a photo of myself when DS was about 8 months but I had become 'fat.' Not just a bit overweight, or someone who should lose a few pounds. I was fat.

I cut out all soft drinks and cut way back on snacks, as I was still breastfeeding and walking everywhere that was enough to get my weight down to a good healthy level. A year later I became ill from stress (ex-husband issues) and as I recovered I went back to comfort eating and coke. I also learned to drive so my walking dropped drastically. Within a year I was back in my size 12 jeans. A year later I needed bigger jeans, still a size 12 thanks to flatter sizing. Another year on, those were tight on me and I had to decide if I wanted to go up to a 14 or take control of my weight. I was 39 by then and I figured that however I was at 40 would probably dictate my weight for the rest of my life. I cut out all processed sugar and got my BMI from 30 to 24.5 in about 4 months. Then I got it down to 24 by the time I turned 40. I knew I wouldn't keep sugar free forever and that I needed to overhaul my lifestyle if I wanted the change to be permanent. By pure luck I found the number one best exercise in the whole world. And got super fit.

It's how I know how delusional I was to think that being muscular was the reason for me being overweight in my mid-20s. Before I got sick for months in March I was far, far more muscular but had a BMI of 21 and wore size 4 jeans (with flatter sizing, that's probably more like an old size 8).

ohnonotyetplease · 20/08/2020 14:54

Already posted my own sorry saga.... Just wanted to say ...hugs and the best wishes in the world to all those who are still living with a food-related coping mechanism... Well done for getting through
Here's hoping we find the strength to turn things around Smile

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 20/08/2020 15:07

Sugar, emotional eating, and definitely some stuff from childhood. We had very little money and my Mum had to carefully control the food in the house so you couldn’t just get a snack if you were hungry, you had to wait till the next meal. I was very, very slim until I had my own money. Once I did, I spent it on the food I wanted. Unfortunately I’m still not over it...

GlumyGloomer · 20/08/2020 15:21

As a kid my sugar intake was not restricted at all. I moved a lot and got away with it. Then in my teens I became more sedentary but ate the same and that's how I got fat. I never lost it because sweet stuff is my comfort source and I had no concept of what difference it would make besides to my attractiveness which I didn't care enough about. It's only now in my mid thirties that I really understand the health implications and are trying to shift it.

makingmammaries · 20/08/2020 15:26

Too much food

chickenyhead · 20/08/2020 15:41

One of my antidepressants doesn't help. It's an anti anorexia drug Grin

IHateCoronavirus · 20/08/2020 15:49

The only time my mother could stand being near us was at meal times. Now I fill any void with food. The only time I don’t need to eat is when I am deliriously happy. My bro is the same.

SoleBizzz · 20/08/2020 15:50

Negativity from my past and present, isolation and loneliness, comfort eating. Found a fantastic coach and lost 73lb so far

endofthetether · 20/08/2020 16:36

What is the exercise @alittleprivacy?!

alittleprivacy · 20/08/2020 16:58

What is the exercise

Skating. It’s the perfect exercise as it’s a complete aerobic and near complete anaerobic exercise. It’s really easy on the joints. And it’s just pure fun.

VirginiaWolverine · 20/08/2020 17:22

Ice or roller skating?

Guineapigbridge · 20/08/2020 17:28

I'm very fit and exercise regularly. I'm overweight because I like food and reaaally hate being hungry. I'm prone to extreme hanger and lightheadedness when hungry. I don't and won't diet for that reason.
Also I think it's a waste of your brain, constantly thinking about food and weight. A distraction from more important things.
Basically, I don't care enough to want to do it. I'm okay as I am despite being a bit of a chub.

Bozlem80 · 20/08/2020 17:29

Being lonely & depressed has made me fat, I comfort eat, looking after my kids mainly on my own for a long time, DH works long hours, pays no attention to me so I’ve turned to food, I’ve been overweight all my adult life, I hate the way I look, I don’t exercise as such but I have a job where I lift & carry things, I walk almost everywhere too, I did lose 2 stone a few years back but it was so hard, the worst thing was I didn’t even lose a dress size I was still a size 20 but was just looser on me, couldn’t even get in a size 18, I felt miserable so started eating again, I’ve been to my GP but I’m just told I’m obese, handed leaflets, spoken to like I’m shit & that’s it, so I go home & eat more food!

Bluewavescrashing · 20/08/2020 17:29

@chickenyhead which antidepressant is that?

chickenyhead · 20/08/2020 17:30

Mirtazipine

puddleduckmummy · 20/08/2020 17:34

Too much takeaway and too much alcohol with little self control. I love my food and like to enjoy it. If I was feeling crappy, I’d have something ‘nice to make feel better’ or if something went well/not well I’d ‘treat’ myself with food. I’m much more ordered now

Earthling1994 · 20/08/2020 17:38

I have PCOS and I’m classed as overweight. Frustratingly diets don’t really help, they restrict my calories and then I just end up fainting because my insulin is all out of whack. I still eat sensibly and I’ve been vegan for a number of years which helps from a health point of view. I’m 5ft 6 and my weight is 11st 10lbs so I’m only just over a healthy weight

Nurgleturtle · 20/08/2020 17:47

Mine is mostly health, I have my thyroid removed in 2012 pre children had my daughter in Feb 2017, went from 66 kgs to 86 kgs, I've tried ever diet on the market ever healthy eating tip nothing works, managed 1 diet which was keto and I loved it and lost 8 pounds in two weeks but it was causing health issues related to thyroid, I'm now 5ft 1 and a size 16 also roughly around 78kgs Mt thyroid levels are normal if I come off contraception I will lose the weight but I don't want a different form currently happy with what im on

KittyMcV · 20/08/2020 17:51

Moving too little and consuming too much.