To be angry at DM's comment about DD?

[mothertoteens]

Met up with my parents earlier today, first time we've seen them in person since Feb. The topic of schools came up, to which my mum said "I think schools need to go back so that [DD15] can get some exercise, she's gained a lot of weight." DD heard this, she was part of the conversation. She hasn't gained a lot of weight. AIBU to be pissed off that my mum said this, and especially to a teenage girl?

If someone said that about my DD I think I'd struggle not to punch them in the face, quite hard.

I'd be really annoyed and tell her to keep her opinions to herself. Even if she had gained weight, her Gran doesn't need to point it out.

I have two teenage daughters myself and they'd be upset by that.

Tell her straight that she should never mention your daughters weight in front of her even if she is 30stone!

Awful behaviour from your mum!

What did you say? Because that would have sent me nuclear.

And what school course does she need to take to stop being a bitch?! How the hell could you just sit there and let her hurt and damage your innocent daughter?

I would be absolutely furious if someone said that about my daughter! What a cow.

Did you leap to your daughters defence?

I’d be furious that she said it in front of my daughter but I wouldn’t be furious with the actual comment.

You often don’t notice this in your own child.

Yanbu. Saying it to you is fine I think but absolutely not in front of your dd

My life has been blighted by remarks like this even today I loath mirrors have told gps never nag me about weight and why, the photos of me stick thin when I was 19 shocked dh, he burned them I looked so thin but I thought I was fat, she’s an evil cow your mother.

I’m very much hoping you went fucking ballistic?

Is it the truth, does DD need to loose a few pounds?
You'd be better tackling it with DD yourself before the schools go back.

I really really hope you stood up for your poor daughter and didn’t just sit there and let it go past unchallenged?

You mother could have handed it better but are you sure DD hasn't gained weight? Why would your mother say that if it wasn't true? It won't help DD to pretend her weight is OK if it's not.

How did you address the comment?

If you didn't tell your DM to stfu and mind her manners then get up and storm out with your daughter, then reassure your daughter on the journey home then YABU.

Did you tell her she needs to get her eyes tested?

Please tell me you jumped to DD's defence.

Has she gained weight.. ? You say 'she hasn't gained a lot of weight'

Parents are the WORST judges as you see your child everyday. Therefore it wouldn't be apparent... My parents said the same about my DD1... I was cross but bought some scales and she has put on 20lbs !!!

I was flabbergasted.. had t seen it at all..: she admitted she had gone up a dress size (which was now 'tight') .. much easier to diet and eat healthy from a size 12 .. then from a size 18.

DD1 has upped her exercise and cut out snacks.

This may not be your experience but if someone who hadn't seen her for a number of months .. it MAY be true.

Get the facts (on the scales) and deal with appropriately. If that means telling them to fuck off to the far side of Fuchs than so be it.. but if not, then you will be saving your DD from a miserable teenage-dom..

Did you pull her up on it?

That’s disgusting. Why would anyone ever mention a child’s weight that way, unless they were seriously over weight and it was a health issue. Talk about giving her issues about her weight/body image.

You will find this thread falls neatly into those who think you should be thanking your DM for humiliating your DD, and those who think you should be reading her the riot act for it. To some on MN they don't need much justification to enjoy pointing at the fatties, its a hobby. Rather than deal with your DM's nasty comments they leap onto the fact that you might have a fat child therefore its open season for concern trolling from your relatives (well, anyone really!)

She could be an ideal weight, a few pounds overweight, she could be a few stone over the recommended BMI but I am sure your DD knows, I am sure you know.

Nasty thing for your DM to do and very damaging for your DD to think her gran only wants her if she looks exactly "correct".

Op, this is exactly what my mother said to my teenage DD.
I love my mother, but I made it clear to her that I was unhappy with what she said about dd’s weight.

I think I would have slapped her and I'm not a confrontational person.. Tell your daughter she's gorgeous and her nans a jealous old hag!

If your Mum was genuinely concerned about your DDS weight she should of told you quietly away from your DD.

I can vividly recall a friend of my mother’s saying similar when I was your DD’s age - it was ‘she’s putting on weight, you want to put her on a diet’ as if I lacked both a pair of ears and feelings. I don’t quite know where some folks get to decide they’re the weight police, but it’s rude and insensitive to say it like that. I’d have a word to the effect you know your DM cares but she must recall how it feels to be 15 too.