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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fil return from Spain.

63 replies

Fivebyfive2 · 18/08/2020 13:20

So, dh and I have an 8 month ds. His parents separated just before lock down but still live together for now. They have a property in Spain.

A couple of weeks ago fil flew out and is due back Monday. He has already said he will not be self isolating on return! Mil has said she also won't as why should she if she didn't go away? I know it's not required for her to do it, but surely if fil has picked anything up, with them still sharing a house in UK, it would be safer for them both to isolate, just in case? Apparently they won't isolate separately because neither want to temporarily 'give up' the house in the UK.

Am I being unreasonable to say I'd rather have no visits for 2 weeks after fil returns, just to be safe? Or am I being overly cautious? I know the risk to ds is very small, but I'm more worried about me or dh getting something and being ill, having to isolate and having a teething, almost crawling baby to look after!

OP posts:

Aesopfable · 18/08/2020 16:20

I would also report you FIL

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 18/08/2020 17:28

@BluebellsGreenbells

Self isolation means no shared facilities and lots of cleaning separate rooms etc.

If FIL refuses to self isolate he may risk infecting MIL.

Maybe she should leave for two weeks and stay away? If not she should keep away from others.

All very well saying Spain is less infected when you have the borders open and people traveling through airports, they may have brought it with them.

He's quarantining, not self-isolating. She can decide for herself what she wants to do, she's under no obligation to do anything. Even if someone is self-isolating, if you have to share facilities, you have to share facilities.

FFS so much misinformation out there.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 18/08/2020 17:31

@Aesopfable

In England, if you do not self-isolate, you can be fined £1,000. If you do not provide an accurate contact detail declaration – or do not update your contact detail form in the limited circumstances where you need to move from the accommodation where you’re self-isolating to another place to continue self-isolating – you can be fined up to £3,200.

I read somewhere (though lost it now) that they randomly contact a proportion of people returning home to check they are isolating.

I'm sure they've said that, it's one thing so say and another for it to happen. There just isn't the man power to police this especially with more countries on the list. Who'd lie on the form, anyhow? The most common way to check you is by ringing you, you could be on your mobile and anywhere. You could have Ring and speak to them from anywhere and say you'd rather not open the door as you appear to have a D&V bug.

Feedingthebirds1 · 18/08/2020 17:51

The discussion about the whats, whys and wherefores of the law is irrelevant. If the OP and her DH don't want his mum to visit them for two weeks, it's not an unreasonable request in the circumstances whatever the rules say.

evensong1 · 18/08/2020 18:40

If you know anywhere that FIL visits, perhaps a pub or some other activity, perhaps contact them. So hopefully they refuse him service.

The other one is if you know the flight, perhaps contact the airline or airport, though I don't know if they would be willing to act.

The main thing is that your no visit request is reasonable.

Aragog · 18/08/2020 18:41

There is a difference between quarantine and self isolation due to symptoms. The latter is much more strict.

Aesopfable · 18/08/2020 19:29

@Aragog

There is a difference between quarantine and self isolation due to symptoms. The latter is much more strict.

Self isolation is not just symptoms, it is also if you have been in close contact with someone who was positive. It actually isn’t much stricter.

notimagain · 18/08/2020 19:52

The other one is if you know the flight, perhaps contact the airline or airport, though I don't know if they would be willing to act.

I'd say there's not a chance of the airline taking any interest, or the airport for that matter..if they do anything at all they'll probably just refer the caller to the Police of Border Force.

notimagain · 18/08/2020 19:52

Police or Border Force..

ToLongNow · 18/08/2020 19:56

Don't let either of them to your house for 2 weeks.

Gees, it's 14 days.

I haven't seen my family for 5 months!

boatyardblues · 18/08/2020 20:27

@maddy68

She doesn't have to isolate but I would also be a bit more relaxed than you are. Spain is actually much safer than the UK. I live there and it's really interesting seeing how Spain is portrayed in the British press. Most of Spain is very very low in covid. Far lower than the UK. For example the region I live in has zero cases of it.

It’s not only the region you have visited, but being on the plane with people who may have travelled to regions with higher incidence of cases, plus all the mixing in the airport.

Aragog · 19/08/2020 09:07

But they're not self isolating with a known positive case. There are no known positive cases, and there are no known symptoms. This is quarantine rather than self isolation.

Mil does NOT need to stay home.
FIL does.

YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 19/08/2020 09:19

Either way, if he is choosing not to following the legal guidelines for quarantining, then you could look at it as your "moral duty" to support and encourage him in any way you can to follow them. Not seeing him for 14 days would do this! 😄

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