Fil return from Spain.

[Fivebyfive2]

So, dh and I have an 8 month ds. His parents separated just before lock down but still live together for now. They have a property in Spain.

A couple of weeks ago fil flew out and is due back Monday. He has already said he will not be self isolating on return! Mil has said she also won't as why should she if she didn't go away? I know it's not required for her to do it, but surely if fil has picked anything up, with them still sharing a house in UK, it would be safer for them both to isolate, just in case? Apparently they won't isolate separately because neither want to temporarily 'give up' the house in the UK.

Am I being unreasonable to say I'd rather have no visits for 2 weeks after fil returns, just to be safe? Or am I being overly cautious? I know the risk to ds is very small, but I'm more worried about me or dh getting something and being ill, having to isolate and having a teething, almost crawling baby to look after!

'If you can'. There you go.

He's very stupid to advertise that he's having none of it because no one bothers to check anyhow (unless you're one of those dumb enough to advertise it).

There is a bit of confusion above re the guidance.

The guidance for isolating when you DO have symptoms does mention separate food, bleaching bathrooms etc.

The guidance for isolating upon a return from abroad, but have no symptoms, is less detailed, and simply mentions keeping away from other people, well ventilated room etc.

Don't make a fuss about it - just be really busy for the next 2 weeks and happily make arrangements to meet in 2+ weeks time :)

I think people are confusing advice on self isolation (when symptomatic) and the q14 of healthy symptomless people!

You are within your rights to tell him that as he should be Quaratining you do not want to see him.

You MIL is free to come and go as she wishes, he does not have to lock himself in a room.

So much misinformation being spread on here! This is the actual guidance on returning - www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-how-to-self-isolate-when-you-travel-to-the-uk/coronavirus-covid-19-how-to-self-isolate-when-you-travel-to-the-uk

We’ve primarily does all this lockdown time to protect old people, and it is rather irksome that the ones we’ve done it all for are refusing to follow the rules themselves.

So much misinformation being spread on here!

Matches the spread of Covid. Regardless of government guidelines OP can decide not to see MIL for two weeks. She can protect herself and her child in any fashion she chooses. Guidelines or not.

@melj1213

No it is not. It does not mention. Bathrooms or bleach. You are writing your own incorrect guidance

This is covered in the general "self isolating" guidelines @Polnm and does say that separate bathrooms should be used wherever possible, and if not then it should be cleaned with household detergent and/or bleach

That is not the correct guidance. He is not isolating due to symptoms but due to return from Spain

She doesn't have to isolate but I would also be a bit more relaxed than you are. Spain is actually much safer than the UK. I live there and it's really interesting seeing how Spain is portrayed in the British press. Most of Spain is very very low in covid. Far lower than the UK.
For example the region I live in has zero cases of it.

If they still push after that (wouldn't surprise me!) then God knows... I guess I just ignore it??

You just keep saying no. You say DH is on board with not seeing his dad or having him visit you, would he back you if you dug your heels in over his mum?

I'd love to know the stats on the healthy people being forced to Q14 returning from holiday who actually end up with the virus.

We're not being tested though, I wonder why?

@MaskingForIt does the OP say her FIL is old? What is your definition of old?

"things will kick off I / we tell them we won't see them for 2 weeks. They really put pressure on/tried to make us feel like we were being pfb during the full lock down for refusing visits etc."

Sounds like your PIL are a problem all the time, not just pandemic-related. Sorry OP, but - you and your husband are going to have to toughen up on your attitude to his parents. It's time to relate to them on an adult-to-adult basis, not parents-to-child&partner. You are their equal. More than that, when it comes to your DS, you outrank them. They are the grandparents, but you are the parents - what you say goes. If they don't like it, tough.

Lay down the law. 'Since FIL is not self-isolating and neither are you, neither of you will be able to visit us until 14 days have passed. I will not risk COVID being brought into this house. I will not risk my health, your son's health, nor the health of my son just to placate either of you. This is not a negotiation - I will not be budging.'

Any pressure - repeat you'll see them when you deem it safe. It's not their call to make. This is not a negotiation.

Any PFB comments - 'absolutely, my son is precious to me and I will not endanger his health'. This is not a negotiation.

Remember - you are every bit as adult as them - more so by the sound of their petulance! And you say who comes into your house, and right now, they're not on the list.

I wouldn’t see either of them for the two weeks. Your FIL is being incredibly selfish.

@MaskingForIt

We’ve primarily does all this lockdown time to protect old people, and it is rather irksome that the ones we’ve done it all for are refusing to follow the rules themselves.

Oh do stop with the bloody ageism again. It’s utterly tedious. We don’t even know how old fil is, he could be 50 or less.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-how-to-self-isolate-when-you-travel-to-the-uk/coronavirus-covid-19-how-to-self-isolate-when-you-travel-to-the-uk

This is the Government. advise related to self quarantine after returning from another non-exempt country.

MIL does not need to self isolate.

@MaskingForIt

We’ve primarily does all this lockdown time to protect old people, and it is rather irksome that the ones we’ve done it all for are refusing to follow the rules themselves.

You don't know how old the FIL is. In any case there's no evidence that quarantine refusers and people not complying with guidance are in defined age groups. Ageist comment.

@WhereYouLeftIt, you are right, we need to be more assertive and this is something I'm trying to work on. His parents are very demanding and dh is used to going with the flow to avoid a fall out. My parents are really laid back so I'm not used to much family conflict and in the past have been reluctant to always be seen as 'bad cop' etc.

Since ds came along though, we have both gotten firmer with them, like telling them to back off with their comments and demanding all vision their terms (asking for lifts etc) It's just a bit of a work in progress I think, but we'll get there hopefully!

Polnm are you having a bad day? You seem to be having an argument with yourself?!

I agree you just say you're busy if they ask to meet. You cannot control someone's else's behaviour but you can control your involvement in it.

It's not unusual for people to have enough plans over 2 weeks they aren't free.

Where in Spain has he been anyway? It's a big country and not all areas are affected.

It's quite reasonable for you not to let your in laws visit for two weeks after father in law returns; you know better than us whether or not mother in law will be at risk from him, sharing the house.

Is it important to them? I mean, nobody is going to die from not visiting for a fortnight and two weeks is soon gone.

@itsgettingweird

Polnm are you having a bad day? You seem to be having an argument with yourself?!

I agree you just say you're busy if they ask to meet. You cannot control someone's else's behaviour but you can control your involvement in it.

It's not unusual for people to have enough plans over 2 weeks they aren't free.

I am not is it a double quote. They tagged me it wasn’t my post

@ktp100

I wouldn't let them anywhere near. It's their choice to not follow guidelines but it's your choice whether or not you allow your family to get dragged into the poor choices of others.

The standard Mumsnet reaction works here, if they press for a visit - "Sorry, that doesn't work for us".

I would also be reporting them -but then rules are for everyone to follow not just those who want to. Else we have people wanting to drink more than they should and then drive home etc as "it's only a short trip home" etcor people not declaring money earnt etc -I follow the rules and yes, I do expect others to.

In England, if you do not self-isolate, you can be fined £1,000. If you do not provide an accurate contact detail declaration – or do not update your contact detail form in the limited circumstances where you need to move from the accommodation where you’re self-isolating to another place to continue self-isolating – you can be fined up to £3,200.

I read somewhere (though lost it now) that they randomly contact a proportion of people returning home to check they are isolating.

Self isolation means no shared facilities and lots of cleaning separate rooms etc.

If FIL refuses to self isolate he may risk infecting MIL.

Maybe she should leave for two weeks and stay away? If not she should keep away from others.

All very well saying Spain is less infected when you have the borders open and people traveling through airports, they may have brought it with them.