My brother and I had a great relationship growing up. We were really close and did a lot together. He’s 4 years older than me and when he got a long term girlfriend in his early 20’s we sort of drifted apart.
Anyway, his new girlfriend (they’ve been together 2 years on and off) fell pregnant in November last year after a month of them getting back together (again) after she left him after he’d been sleeping with someone else.
I never got involved in their relationship because I never knew the whole detail of what was going on and didn’t feel it was my place.
Back in July his girlfriend, 8 months pregnant, messaged me to say they’re having serious problems. That he’s been really controlling, telling her what she can and can not wear etc, telling her to shut up when she tries to talk to him etc. I spoke to her about it for comfort but it didn’t go much further.
Yesterday I had some more messages from her. Their baby is now 10 days old. Saying she had had enough. He was threatening to leave and take the baby because she asked him to go stay with friends for a few days. And she was scared to sleep incase he did take the baby. He said he was going to post nude photos of her online. He demands to be made breakfast. He does nothing for the baby and hasn’t even bought a pack of nappies. Her friend had to bring them nappies on Saturday because he wouldn’t go out and get some.
She said she didn’t even ask him to move in he just brought all his stuff to her flat one day after giving up his tenancy apparently to be there for her and the baby (more because he doesn’t want to pay for bills and rent on his own flat)
He apparently told her two days after giving birth “I don’t care if you’ve just given birth, you still have wife duties”
They aren’t married. He doesn’t work and actually quit his job while she was pregnant because he didn’t get on with his boss?!
They now live in her flat which she only got as a result of him kicking her out of his flat 6 months pregnant forcing her to go to the council and declare her self homeless.
His girlfriend is a really lovely girl and is 6 years younger than him. She asked me to try and speak to him.
I went round to try and talk to him like an adult and offer my help. As soon as I said he can’t be threatening to take the baby and leave he flipped.
Accusing me of all sorts. That everything that was happening was my fault for getting involved.
I’m very fortunate to be in a very loving relationship and my husband came with me for support for me and for my brothers girlfriend. He tried to talk to my brother but he wasn’t having any of it.
His girlfriend persistently asked him to leave because by this point he had became very aggressive, threatening and tormeatful towards me and her.
My brother has a history of being very verbally aggressive and has physically assaulted my mum in the past. For which now of course she and I have very little to do with him.
So yesterday he refused to leave and said the only way we’d get him out is by phoning the police. I don’t think he expected us to call his bluff. I then told him that’s what I’d do. If I was his partner there was no way I’d feel safe being alone with him last night so I wasnt prepared to leave knowing he was still there.
In the end his girlfriend called the police. I think she was scared of his reaction at first If she did but ultimately I think she realised it was the best thing for them all.
I encouraged her to call the police and now I don’t know if I feel guilty for aggravating the situation. I never once raised my voice or became aggressive towards him but I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing confronting him.
I felt an urge to protect as I am a mother myself and I know how vulnerable those first few weeks can be, never mind having an abbusive partner on top of that.
I’m not sure what I’m asking but I’d like to know what others would do in my situation?