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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Thinking of asking to move in with DP’s parents

36 replies

tiredandunoriginal · 15/08/2020 21:28

Hello, it’s me again.. the one who posted about being financially f*cked.

I’ve been having a long think and am considering asking DP’s parents whether we can move in with them for a while so that I can get out of the debt I am in. Of course will offer to pay them rent, but it would just give me a bit of a breather.

Every penny I earn comes in drips and drabs and I don’t see how I’m ever going to get out of my overdraft and be comfortable where I currently am.

I need to sit down with DP properly to talk about it as they had previously offered, but I’ve lived alone since I was 18 so I was hesitant, but I’m just wondering if anyone has lived with in-laws while having a baby?

Their house is very big (seven bedrooms) and it is mainly his parents there, occasionally his siblings to stay. We would have our own space etc. I’m just not sure.

Would be great to know if you have done this/whether it’s worked out or why you would/wouldn’t do it.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 15/08/2020 21:31

Sounds like they have the space so you're not on top of each other.If they're ok with it it does sound like a solution to your debt problems.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 15/08/2020 21:34

Do you get on with them? Have you stayed with them before?

I know a couple friends who’ve done it to save up, it can work for a period of time so long as you all get along together

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 15/08/2020 21:36

Do you have a Plan B if you decide against this?

Do you feel up to asking them what their expectations would be if you moved in with them? What would happen if things went awry? Would there be any chance for you to save for a deposit for somewhere else as well as clear your debts?

Have you talked through your position with Step Change or a similar organisation?

Mindymomo · 15/08/2020 21:41

I would ask if you could use one bedroom and another as a lounge so you can have your own space, but obviously start by talking it through with all concerned and everyone has to be totally honest.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/08/2020 21:43

It could work so long as you are willing to follow all of their rules and bend over backwards to make sure your intrusion doesn't cause any problems. Cleaning, cooking, staying out of their way, etc. It will be hard, no way around it. I've been away from my parents home since I was 18, now 47, and I don't think I could ever live with them or anyone else again. Aside from my husband and children, of course.

Shedpaint · 15/08/2020 21:47

If the issue is your debt then where is your DP in all this?
Is he financially safe and if so can you not be very frugal and just live together as simply as possible whilst you clear your debt?

Is he ok about moving in with his parents due to your financial problems and not his own?

glasgowLil · 15/08/2020 21:49

I haven’t lived with my in-laws but I think if I was in your situation, I would seriously consider it especially as their house is so big. How long would you need to stay there to clear your overdraft and save up a bit?

ShellsAndSunrises · 15/08/2020 21:50

Talk to your DP, a lot.
Then talk to them, if he’s in agreement. Work our exactly how it would work and what everyone’s expectations would be.

I couldn’t do this, though. DPs parents are lovely but living with parents again would be impossible for me now, whoever’s parents they were. It’s a big, big ask all round.

Original poster

tiredandunoriginal · 15/08/2020 21:53

It’s difficult. We do get on and we stay there very often, and we always have our own space. They have three lounges and two kitchen and six bathrooms. I think we would need to be there for six months. I can work my arse off and make as much money as possible without paying what I am in bills and rent right now. Would of course do everything - cooking, cleaning, and give them rent (even if they refuse to take it) but I’m just nervous about it if they do accept simply because I never imagined living with parents again and feel like a bit of a failure for it. But we would be able to save up for a deposit elsewhere, too.

OP posts:

Original poster

tiredandunoriginal · 15/08/2020 21:56

My DP is in agreement. He doesn’t earn very much, is working in retail. He’s working four day shifts a week so that I can work the other days and alternate childcare. I am the main earner, which is probably why I’m feeling so much pressure right now.

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Mischance · 15/08/2020 21:56

Sounds like a good temporary solution. My own AC have lived with me with their partners and baby at various times when life got tough - house fire in one case. It worked fine for us.

Eatyourbanana · 15/08/2020 21:59

I would live with my in laws, they’re great & very laid back.

I wouldn’t live with my own mother, she likes things just so & the kids would drive her nuts making a mess.

So... it really depends on your in laws. But it’s a great idea in principle, to sort your debt and take some stress off.

LouiseTrees · 15/08/2020 22:02

Sounds like a fantastic solution!

Bargebill19 · 15/08/2020 22:02

Talk it through with everyone. Sounds like there is plenty of room and zero need to share facilities, so everyone gets their own space.
You aren’t a failure as you are owning and addressing the problem the best way that you can. Many wouldn’t. You are only human and not a perfect robot. To err is human.

Iknowthingsthatwillhappen · 15/08/2020 22:06

Have you discussed getting rid of one of your cars yet? Would give you some breathing space?

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 15/08/2020 22:06

I'd consider it for a year - 18months in those circumstances.

I'd probably try to pay for a cleaner too, as well as being as good a house guest as I could be, to add an extra buffer, if they'd agree to it. Maybe buy flowers every two weeks too.

Original poster

tiredandunoriginal · 15/08/2020 22:07

@Iknowthingsthatwillhappen I’m looking into getting rid of the finance and waiting for them to get back to me!

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Corcra · 15/08/2020 22:11

I did it. It worked out really well. His parents are so easy going and gave us our own space. It was great and allowed us time to save etc.
The time will fly. It’s a win win.

Iknowthingsthatwillhappen · 15/08/2020 22:12

You could keep the financed car and DH get rid of his which would free up all the running costs on his, then he could use your (unused) car that is on finance.

Shedpaint · 15/08/2020 22:22

@AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings of I was letting another adult/family move into my house purely so they could clear their debts and save I’d be massively pissed off if they bought cut flowers every two weeks even if they gave them to me as a gift.

Flowers are a huge waste of cash which is fine if you have cash to waste but a kick in the teeth if it means they end up staying longer!

SuitedandBooted · 15/08/2020 22:49

Sounds a good solution if you all get on well. Given the size of the house, it seems you could have more than enough space - sharing a kitchen seems to be a deal breaker for many, and they have two!

Talk it all through thoroughly,and make sure everyone makes their expectations very clear. You're not a failure for moving in with parents. Admitting a problem and finding a solution is admirable.

Good luck to you both.

Iknowthingsthatwillhappen · 15/08/2020 22:54

Am beginning to wonder what your Dhs thought are on moving to his parents while he is unwilling to get rid of his unnecessary car?

JaneJack23 · 15/08/2020 22:57

It doesn't hurt to ask and I'm sure they would be happy to help you guys out!

Original poster

tiredandunoriginal · 16/08/2020 01:05

DP is on board. We spoke about the car and realised that mine needs to go, it’s a Fiat 500, we can’t even fit our pram in it, while his is a bigger car. So makes sense for me to just drive his if I need to. Plus his is cheaper insurance and cheaper to run.

I have asked my MIL whether we’d be able to stay and she said absolutely, and we’re going over to talk about it on Monday, kind of relieved, I know we will be better off and able to save to move out again fairly quickly. I’ve had quite a bit of work this week and have been offered more for next. Able to pay our rent this month at least. Luckily our tenancy is due to end in November so will only have to pay one more month’s rent as we paid a month in advance. But sad for DS as we spent quite a while doing up his nursery (very cheaply, thank god for ebay) but we’d made it lovely. Ah well, we will be able to afford a better room for him after this. Do feel like I have failed him though.

OP posts:

Original poster

tiredandunoriginal · 16/08/2020 01:07

But, to add, I think I’ll be a lot mentally better off for it. The stress was making my OCD unbearable, my head is so loud.

OP posts:

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