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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you can't be a counsellor if you can't cope with people being angry

68 replies

whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 16:08

I know someone who is setting themselves up as a counsellor. For many reasons I think they will be crap at this. They aren't qualified for a strat. Have a qualification which is about equivalent to a GCSE in counselling. But, because of serious issues in their own past, they are also completely and utterly unable to deal with people being angry. I don't mean violently angry or out of control, I mean, a bit pissed off or snappy or irritable.

OP posts:
Original poster
whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 16:22

The people who think I am being U can you say why? Counsellors surely need to be able to cope with damaged and distressed people expressing all their emotions - including anger. He can't do that.

OP posts:
Moondust001 · 15/08/2020 16:25

How is this any of your business?

MonsteraCheeseplant · 15/08/2020 16:27

I'm guessing you don't have a clue what they are like as a therapist

Ilovesausages · 15/08/2020 16:27

Yes therapists need to handle people being angry.

But her training, own therapy and supervision will help with this.

Original poster
whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 16:29

I don't think unqualified people should be able to set up as counsellors working with damaged people. Especially when they have their own issues which mean they are emotionally and psychologically unable to cope with the job.

OP posts:
Paintedmaypole · 15/08/2020 16:29

They may be able to become a counsellor with further training. What someone can cope with in their personal life and what they can cope with in a professional setting differs. Counsellors in training should get good supervision to ensure they don't project their personal history and experiences onto other people There are a lot of very unprofessional counsellors around though, even among those who are registered

Paintedmaypole · 15/08/2020 16:32

How do you know this person? You sound very confident in your judgment of them. Have you seen them in a range of settings?

Original poster
whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 16:35

But her training, own therapy and supervision

Their 'training' and own therapy have not helped with this at all. Their whole body goes into a very visible ''fight' response when people express anger, and they struggle to keep themselves under control. It's intimidating. They haven't mentioned getting a supervisor and don't think they are intending to do this.

OP posts:
Fanthorpe · 15/08/2020 16:36

Anyone can call themselves a counsellor in the U.K., there is no regulation.

Lots of people go into counselling for terrible reasons and are not very good at it. Obviously you know him but there’s probably little you can do to dissuade him, How is he going to find clients? It might be a lot harder than he thinks. If he becomes part of any organisation he’ll need to prove himself first anyway.

PanamaPattie · 15/08/2020 16:37

This is why counselling is like selling snake oil. Anyone can say they are a counsellor and set up business.

Original poster
whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 16:38

You sound very confident in your judgment of them

Yes I am.

OP posts:
Original poster
whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 16:42

Lots of people go into counselling for terrible reasons and are not very good at it

Yes, that's my wider point. I've seen five different counsellors myself over my life, one who was brilliant, the others kindly but ineffective, except for one who actively awful.
But this guy, jeez, he's such a case study of why there should be proper regulation in this area.

How is he going to find clients? He says there is some website he can advertise on.

OP posts:
Original poster
whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 16:45

Yes therapists need to handle people being angry

Its not about him being able to handle people when they are angry - its about him being unable to handle himself when exposed to people who are angry.

OP posts:
ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 15/08/2020 16:46

What you accept, manage and deal with professionally is completely different to what you do out of work

Would I be friends with a rapist - no I rather not be in their company and wouldn’t trust them

Can I work with a rapist and accept them as a person with feelings - yes

But having so little training isn’t enough to equip you to be a therapist and you have to have supervision it’s essential

Such poor training standards and regulations within the profession

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2020 16:50

@whereverwhenevernone

You sound very confident in your judgment of them

Yes I am.

So why ask if you're being unreasonable?

Let them get on with it and who knows, they might end up doing better than you thought.

Either way it's no skin off your nose.

ChicCroissant · 15/08/2020 16:51

You don't like this person, do you OP? What is not clear is why you are so bothered about what they are doing with their life.

Original poster
whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 16:51

What you accept, manage and deal with professionally is completely different to what you do out of work

It's not that. He has serious issues based in past events, which mean he literally cannot cope with people being angry. I don't mean he doesn't like anger, or finds it difficult, I mean he has a hardwired. visceral and extreme reaction to it that he can't control.

OP posts:
Original poster
whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 16:57

If I knew someone was setting themselves up as a private physio without the qualifications or skills to do the job, would that be none of my business and they might be better at it than I thought?

Why is it different because he's working with mental health?

If you think that I shouldn't be bothered that women (or men) will find themselves alone in a room in the house of a man whose whole body has gone rigid and tense, whose fists are clenched and is struggling to control himself and speak because he is triggered by them expressing anger, then I disagree with you. And yes, it does bother me that we have a system that allows this.

OP posts:
cheesecrackersandchips · 15/08/2020 17:05

But if he doesn’t hold a professional registration then I don’t think he’ll find much work?

Physios have to register with HCPC and renew every 2 years.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2020 17:07

I’m guessing this is an ex?

couchparsnip · 15/08/2020 17:09

I would only go to a counsellor that was registered with the BACP.

Sparklesocks · 15/08/2020 17:09

As you haven’t encountered him in a professional setting you can’t really judge what he will be like.

You seem incredibly invested in this person’s life. You might be happier if you allow yourself to let that go rather than let him take up so much of your headspace.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2020 17:10

If I knew someone was setting themselves up as a private physio without the qualifications or skills to do the job, would that be none of my business and they might be better at it than I thought?

Yes of course it would be none of your business if they were acting within the law Confused

Original poster
whereverwhenevernone · 15/08/2020 17:11

I think I am more invested as someone who has used counsellors. Its really brought home to me just how much of a wild west the whole counselling industry is.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/08/2020 17:14

Anyone can call themselves a counsellor in the U.K., there is no regulation.

Wait. Really?👀 That's... Not ok!

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