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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

facial birthmark

56 replies

brunel55 · 15/08/2020 15:44

My son is 7 months old and has a prominent pigmented nevus on his face which he was born with. it's something that has worried me tremendously from day 1 as I worry for his self -esteem when he starts school etc. We have not seen a dermatologist yet but lots have said it will fade but it hasn't a huge amount and seems to be growing with his face i.e. getting bigger. He is such a gorgeous, playful and delightful little baby and we love him more than anything in the world but this gives me bad anxiety and I wonder if anyone else who have a similar experience can share their story. Is it a possibility to get it removed when he is old enough etc etc. thank u :)

OP posts:

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GlitteriestFluff · 15/08/2020 22:03

I have a birthmark on my face that I 100 percent thought I would have removed as soon as I could, whatever the cost. I didn't. I'm now used to it - the same as everyone else.

To be fair, even the people who bullied me at school rarely mentioned it.

Have a talk with a surgeon - but most of all, let your son be the one to decide.

Castiel07 · 15/08/2020 22:05

my dd was born with a cmn on her forehead, it was quite big and not flat.
It kept bleeding so had to be removed, she has a scar now which is partly the plastics teams fault for leaving stitches in way to long as was told they were desovable when they wasn.
She is still beautiful and no one has mentioned her scar.

CMNmum · 15/08/2020 22:08

What type of birthmark?

DD (age 3) has a giant CMN on her face/neck. Everything I’ve heard tells me that the surgery and scar is more risky than leaving intact. I’m still terrified about when people are mean to her. I think I will just have to kill them for being horrible to my baby?

We are so lucky to be under the care of a world-leading paediatric derm at GOSH for free on the NHS.

Onesnowynight · 15/08/2020 22:17

Ds15 has a boy in his year with a birthmark on his face, so I just asked him if he had been bullied because of it, ds replied ‘why would he be bullied? It’s just a birthmark, it’s no big deal’...

1Morewineplease · 15/08/2020 22:21

Children will ask out of curiosity not maliciousness. Arm your child with answers . Eg ‘it’s a birthmark’ or ‘I was born with it.’
They may ask if it hurts or if it itches but after that they’ll ignore it.
My daughter has a large ‘cafe au lait’ mark on her leg right next to a large, puckered , blue/black scar from where she had a badly administered injection when she was a baby.
PE was a bone of contention as fellow pupils would gawp. She just brushed the comments off .

AyeCorona1 · 15/08/2020 22:34

I have 2 birthmarks, one on my face, brownish. Like a pp I was mercilessly bullied at school and would scrub my face with a scourer in a vain attempt to get rid of it. I also had work colleagues comment on it, and a (well meaning) customer once attempted to wipe it off with hankie with spit on

Midwife1997 · 15/08/2020 22:40

Is it a 'port wine stain'? I admit I can't remember the medical name for it.
If it is then laser treatment can really help. I'd push for a referral to a paediatrician (admittedly not easy in the current climate)

Midwife

Insertwitticismhere · 15/08/2020 22:47

I think it’s hard to predict how birthmarks might evolve. Dd2 had one one her forehead. At 3.5 it's barely visible and I would never have believed that when she was under a year as it was still growing up till then.

EKGEMS · 15/08/2020 23:45

All these photos of adorable children! My son has a hemiangioma on his tummy that the pediatrician freaked out about-thought he had premature baby bowel issue initially then the pediatric surgeon glanced and said "Oh that's a hemiangioma don't worry about it" It is still there but faded and it's like he has a small divot in the skin. I don't think it's wrong either way to treat it or not treat it your baby is loved and has great parents

HellsBills · 16/08/2020 00:33

Please look up and join the 'Birthmark support group" on Facebook. Many, many parents on there who understand exactly how you feel. Also dermatology consultants from Great Ormand St Hospital. I genuinely found the support from that group life changing x

2toe · 16/08/2020 01:04

My 16 yr old has, it’s large, raised and on the forehead, very obvious but never been an issue, people have always asked been told it’s a birthmark and that’s the end of the conversation.

Iwonder08 · 16/08/2020 05:03

OP, I am sure a lot of people will tell you it doesn't matter, he will grow up just fine and it won't affect his self esteem.. He might do. But there is a chance it will bother him, not just growing up but as an adult. I am not sure why are you making assumptions that the doctors will tell you to wait until he is older. Just get your GP to refer you to a good dermatologist. With all the covid madness it will probably take months before you get the appointment anyway.
Talk to a professional, once you have all the information about treatments and possible side-effects you can assess the situation

Skigal86 · 16/08/2020 06:59

Does anyone’s child have a hemangioma which is flat and pale? (Paler than Hemangiomas usually are anyway) My daughter was born with a birthmark on her head which was slightly more pink than the surrounding skin and when we saw the Dr for the six week check he told us this is what it was but he’d never seen one like it before. It’s very slightly raised at the edges and is less pink but darker than surrounding skin now she’s 18 months. It doesn’t bother her and once her hair has grown a bit more it won’t be visible although no hair grows on it, but I am curious as to whether the doctor was right as I’ve not been able to find anything similar when searching.

BIRDSbirds · 16/08/2020 07:30

I have a Harry Potter-esque red birthmark on my forehead. Apart from a short pre teen phase when I was very conscious about it and used to try to style my hair to cover it as much as possible, I never really give it much thought. Kids would sometimes ask what I'd done to my head but I dont remember being teased about it. It has faded over the years a bit.

OverTheRainbow88 · 16/08/2020 07:33

My friend has a red birth mark across the whole side of her face, she didn’t try and get it altered/changed/removes or anything. Now, I don’t even see her birth mark at all, it’s there but it’s not if you see what I mean.

startinganew123 · 16/08/2020 07:40

@kelly14 can I ask did just develop or was she born with it. My 16 month old has exactly what your little one has and it popped up a couple of months ago. GP said it's a blocked duct chalzion. And it should go by itself by around 6 months maximum. But it's been 2 and looks angry. Might get a second opinion

startinganew123 · 16/08/2020 07:41

And OP. Your little one will be fine. It is part of him :)y friend had one and she had it removed from her forehead and around her eye and she says she regrets it as the scar is now worse

Original poster

brunel55 · 16/08/2020 07:42

Hi @Midwife1997 - it’s not a port wine stain but rather a pigmented one which is brown in colour , not hairy and irregular in shape , possible a CMN.
Some very interesting accounts - thanks all for sharing. Does anyone have any experience of surgically removing a pigmented birthmark and what were the results please

OP posts:

Wilkolampshade · 16/08/2020 08:13

Hi OP.
My daughter was born with an irregularly shaped birthmark ocross her lower face and right through her inner lip and across her gum.
I felt I 'shouldn't' notice it, and in fact, it was obvious that very many other people felt that way too, people would tie themselves in knots trying NOT to mention it, when it was really very obvious.
Despite no-one mentioning it, and certainly no bullying or nastiness from other kids, she herself grew v self conscious, and was only 6 I think when she began to refer to her face very negatively.
We took her to the doc, who referred her on, and rather to my suprise they recommended it get 'zapped' as could cause complications later and secondarliy was causing distress.
She had a course of laser treatment and it has almost completely gone. I remember the scabbing over was pretty grim..
I asked her about it recently, and she says she just remembers hating it and it was her face, so she should be the one to decide.
Which seems fair.
I will say, what I remember most was the feeling of being judged by other parents, I'm sorry to say usually other mums, for even noticing it. As if some kind of maternal blindness was supposed to kick in and overcome all.
It was before the days of the internet tho. Maybe now, it is possible to get more support, as suggested up-thread.
Good luck with whatever you decide!

raskolnikova · 16/08/2020 08:34

As I said OP, I had surgery to remove mine and I can't stress enough how happy I am with the result.

A lot of the posts here are quite anti-removal, saying a birthmark won't cause any issues, they/their relative didn't experience bullying because of it, but that is not my experience personally, and sometimes it definitely isn't fine (not to scare you, but I'm just trying to add a different perspective. Perhaps those people have experience of a different kind of birthmark to me.)

I'm not sure about removing one from a baby though, I was 13.

Darcydashwood · 16/08/2020 08:42

My son had a large hemangioma birthmark on his leg when he was born that kept growing and eventually became ulcerated because it was growing too. fast. He was referred and went on Propanalol for about a year I think to stop the growth and then in time it has faded. He now has a big patch of silvery skin on his leg (looks a bit like a burns scar). He has check ups on it and if it ever bothers him he could have plastic surgery down the line. I actually love it as just seems part of him. I understand your worry though as a birthmark on the face is very different from on the ankle. Just wanted to send support as know how worrying it can be.

Ginfordinner · 16/08/2020 08:53

DD had a haemangioma on her back. It appeared when she was three weeks old. It has completely disappeared. They start to go when they are about two years old.

Original poster

brunel55 · 16/08/2020 09:16

Thank you @raskolnikova for your honest account- your comments in particular have resonated with me
Whilst I fully appreciate those with birthmarks are able to embrace them as it becomes a part of their identity this is not something I don’t feel able to do right now.
It’s easy for people to say ‘it’s fine, it’s just a birthmark’ but as @Wilkolampshade says it seems to be the elephant in the room each time my son is around others which is very upsetting . We as parents feel a strong urge to get it removed ( as soon as it’s safe to do so) to avoid any further issues and whilst my DS is oblivious to it. xx

OP posts:

IWantToBeNynaeve · 16/08/2020 09:27

My dd had 2 birthmarks on her face, they were only small but really bothered her. She wasn't bullied or anything but sometimes other kids mentioned them and she felt very self conscious. She had them removed last year at age 13 and she was so pleased with the result. One is completely gone and while the other is still a bit visible, its the one she was less concerned about anyway as its on the side of her face (the other one was above her lip so very visible iykwim). I had friends and relatives saying it was unnecessary surgery and just cosmetic, which is essentially true, but it bothered her and it was something we could fix so I felt it was the right thing to do for her. She actually also has 2 bigger birthmarks/stains on her scalp but they're hidden by her hair now so they're not an issue at all.

raskolnikova · 16/08/2020 10:40

No problem OP, good luck with whatever you and your family decide.

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