To keep toddler in nursery during maternity leave?

[NamechangeforAIBU]

I am pretty sure IANBU. But I may be biased by wanting the 1.5 days 'off'

I have a 2.5 y o and a 3 month old. I've been on maternity leave since may. Toddler has obviously been out of nursery during lockdown and returned this month. He goes 1.5 days per week, the minimum allowed by the nursery while I'm on maternity leave (usually goes 3 days).

He is naturally quiet and reserved. He is a creature of habit and thrives on routine. He is also very attached.

He has been at nursery since 10 months old and when lockdown happened, we were just getting to the stage where he did cling/cry at drop off.

MIL is being very disapproving of toddler being kept in nursery while I'm on maternity leave because of the cost.

If we took him out, I'd have to deal with the emotional impact of both being upset going to nursery when I go back to work. He'd be harder to settle again and we'd be back to square one. He hasn't taken well to being dropped off after 4 months off and is very emotional about it again.

We can afford the nursery fees. We generally live fairly frugally (apart from a high mortgage), we still save every month. Okay we don't have pots of money set aside, but we're 30, have two children, a sizeable but perfectly manageable mortgage and we're saving money for long term, overpaying our mortgage and saving for more immediate circumstances - holidays etc. We don't do loads of expensive hobbies for toddler but parks, walks, reading, songs, playing etc rather than the groups/sports classes.

Toddler also enjoys nursery while he's there. He has lots of friends, and as soon as I leave, he's perfectly happily playing after cuddles with his key worker - I call to check.

While toddler is at nursery, baby gets one solo parenting time - in the way that toddler did when he was a baby.

Also I get to just 'be' with baby, drink tea while it's hot, go to the loo on my own and get some houses done.

AIBU? Am I blinkered by the benefits to me?

YANBU I did similar though was a SAHM when DS started daycare 2 mornings a week just before aged 2 on advice from health visitor and I continued with that throughout pregnancy with DD. It was good for him to socialise and freed up my time to get on top of chores and run errands.

YANBU in the slightest. It's good for you and your children.

Grey rock on MIL. Don't even contemplate explaining or justifying your decision to her. A simple " yeah,we'll think about that" to her suggestions and then do whatever suits your family.

I’m upping my toddlers days in nursery to prepare for my maternity leave and having a newborn again! Looking forward to having a month (hopefully if baby doesn’t come early) of 3 days a week to myself!!

You don’t need to justify it. It’s a choice your making in your family’s best interests. If MIL keeps bringing it up I’d tell her that and that you’d prefer not to discuss it any further. She can have her opinion but you don’t need to entertain it.

I put both of my DC into child care when we didn't 'need' to when they were little. DS1 stayed at the CM full time for the first four weeks after I had DS2, then kept going a couple of days a week. He was then eligible for funded hours, so he did five half days with the CM. I worked around DH's hours after DS2 was born but as soon as DS2 was eligible for funded hours (we get 15 hours a week at 2 here) he was off to nursery too.

I'm not going to tart it up. I needed the break from my children. Yes there is the social side for them, they get to do different things to home etc. But it was nice just to have a couple of hours a day to get stuff done without the DC. Especially when I was working evenings as well!

I completely intend to do this when I have a second - the thought of being able to do the ‘sleep when they sleep’ thing (even if it’s just for a couple of days a week) is the only thing that makes newborn + toddler seem bearable!

We kept our eldest in when the second came along, it kept some normality, and allowed me to have time where I wasn't juggling both them.

Also, it meant our eldest got the attention he deserved at nursery, he continued to learn and socialise, without having to compete with a new baby.

I did. In fact I put DS1 in an extra day to make life easier.
It's nothing to do with your MIL. Why does she even feel the need to comment?

And IME SIL and her DC will always be top dog. I've had over 20 years of that nonsense. Do what suits you.

I've got a 3 month old. My 2.5 yo is in nursery 3 days a week. DC1 suffered really badly with jealousy when DC2 came along - nursery has given everybody a bit of breathing space and were all happier for it, especially me DC1.
No regrets here, and thankfully no negativity from family.

YANBU and MIL can fuck off.

If I were you I'd send DC1 to nursery for 2 days a week, 1.5 days doesn't seem much. Also after DC1 turns 3, you'll get the 30 funded hours so you could increase their hours/days then and you'll save money.

I'm pregnant with DC2 and my oldest is 3.5. We get the 30 hours (which we stretch over school holidays as well as term times) and he goes to nursery 3 days a week. I have considered reducing it slightly during mat leave (2.5 days maybe) but I think we'll stick to 3 days for at least the first month or two and see how we feel.

My son is 3.5 and currently in nursery full time as I work full time. I'm due again in November and plan to keep my son in nursery 3.5 days a week during Mat leave . He loves nursery and whilst I want to have some extra time with him whilst I'm off I don't want to upset his routine either. I don't think you're being unfair at all!

Of course you should do it. I wouldn’t even tell MIL about it to be honest. None of her business.

My mum complained about me using nursery while I was working , I did keep using it through maternity leave (reduced days) and it was good for everyone, although both mum and MIL suggested I was an idle madam. It wasn't them up at 3 in the morning though

Yanbu

None of MILs business,

I think the development benefits for your eldest are worth it, they don't want to be stuck doing baby stuff all the time, it won't be stimulating enough for them.
He enjoys its and it will make returning to work easier, imagine settling two in nursery at once!
The time for you and baby to bond or even just catch up on sleep is hugely valuable

You're not blinkered

I do not know a single working parent who has taken their other kid out of nursery when they have been on maternity. Most have continued with their full time hours, 8-5.

I’m betting she used play group for exactly the reasons when she had little ones. Yanbu.

[quote NamechangeforAIBU]@Ticklemelmo we have reduced his place down to save the extra money - I know they will get more expensive as they grow up![/quote]
That makes sense, wasn't passing judgement don't worry!

Nope, I'm doi G the same ans in fact starting mat leave a bit early so I can have 3 says a week for a couple of weeks to myself!

We are dropp9ng DS from 3 days to 2, but only because we cant afford it!

I kept DD1 in nursery 5 days a week when I was on mat leave with DD2. We could afford it, I knew I would be going back full time after 6 months and it was something she didn't have to share with the new baby. Best thing I ever did.

It’s fine, cross it off your worry list and don’t give it another thought

I don't know anyone who stopped their older child going to nursery while they were off on mat leave.
My 4yo will continue to go when i finish up in a couple of months, he'd be really upset if I stopped him going.