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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so sad for DS?

54 replies

BunnyTrouble · 15/08/2020 00:46

DS is 21, he lives at home and earns a good wage. He had a long term gf but she dumped him 2 years ago, they had been together since school.
Hes been seeing another girl for about 6 months.
I picked him up from the pub tonight and we were chatting, he had quite a lot to drink but sadly he always does at the weekend.
He just confessed to me that his gf had an abortion 3 weeks ago. He was in tears and says he regrets it. Apparently it was a joint decision but hes gutted.
Call in mothers intuition but I knew something was wrong, hes not been himself lately.
I'm now really worried about his state of mind. He attempted suicide last year and is on antidepressants.
I've told him I'm proud of him and I love him but hes not in a good place 😔

OP posts:
unmarkedbythat · 17/08/2020 11:31

Of course he's allowed to be sad. You can't pick and choose emotions.

I don't think he should have told you, to be honest, it's not his information to share. He wasn't pregnant. He didn't have an abortion. However, you sound like a decent person who is unlikely to further compromise his girlfriend's confidentiality and you definitely sound like a lovely mum, so on balance it's probably a good thing that he felt he could share with you.

I hope he feels better soon.

unmarkedbythat · 17/08/2020 11:32

@aprilanne

Difficult pifcult lemon what are you on .it was a child dont know what the face was for This young woman got rid of a baby her choice yes but still a baby let's not pretend otherwise .the young man is entitled to tell his mother it was his child as well .I mean she wasnt getting her bladder fixed that is a private medical procedure. But christ he is entitled to tell his mum
What's it like, being this stupid? I'd be really interested to know.
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 17/08/2020 14:43

We are trying to evolve into a society where we encourage people to talk about their troubles, there's been a particularly strong drive to encourage young men to talk as they have such high suicide rates.

And I suggested plenty of confidential places he could discuss his feelings. I never once said he shouldn't talk about it with anyone at all, merely that he should have respected his girlfriends wishes and discussed it with someone anonymous.

Difficult pifcult lemon what are you on .it was a child dont know what the face was for
This young woman got rid of a baby her choice yes but still a baby let's not pretend otherwise

I'm not pretending anything, she had a collection of cells in her body that she didn't want in there, she had a procedure to remove those cells. It wasn't a child, it was a pregnancy, they are very different things.

She chose to keep this to herself, her boyfriend has now drunkenly broken her trust. Why does his need to drunkenly blab overrule her need for something that happened to her to remain confidential?

As the mother of a son, I get why op is worried about him, and what he witnessed his girlfriend going through, of course I do.

As the mother of daughters I would be absolutely furious if their private medical details were being talked about despite them not giving permission.

In this scenario her need for privacy is paramount. There are plenty of other places could have sought support.

howlathebees · 17/08/2020 14:48

@aprilanne

Difficult pifcult lemon what are you on .it was a child dont know what the face was for This young woman got rid of a baby her choice yes but still a baby let's not pretend otherwise .the young man is entitled to tell his mother it was his child as well .I mean she wasnt getting her bladder fixed that is a private medical procedure. But christ he is entitled to tell his mum
I think he has a right to be upset, but this was in no way a child yet. Nobody is pretending anything, it was a group of cells
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