Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say something to my mother

35 replies

frazzledmomof3 · 14/08/2020 08:44

I have 3 kids and my mother is very good to take 1 for me one day each week. I know I am very lucky and I do appreciate her doing it

I have one issue - we happened to have a day out this week. My mom, myself and my 3 kids.

She let the older 2 out of her car ( ages 2 and 4) and they ran out in front of reversing cars in a car park. They don't have road sense as we live in the country. Before I get blasted for not teaching them road sense. When they are with me I have them stand and hold the back tyre while I get everyone out and they do it.

I told my husband and he said to stop them going out with her as he is worried for their safety. She is due to take my 2 year old tomorrow and I'm very worried.

Has anyone advice on how to broach the safety subject tactfully and that won't end in an argument. I don't want her to feel like she's not able to mind them.

OP posts:
latticechaos · 14/08/2020 08:46

My suggestion would be invent a stomach bug for tomorrow whilst you have a proper think about it.

Things done in a rush often go badly.

LouiseTrees · 14/08/2020 08:57

I would just tell her you noticed they ran out in front of a reversing car and you’ve been trying to teach them not to do that by having them stand by the back wheel, you find this really important for their eventual road sense in busy places and you are asking everyone that watches them to do the same.

BubblyBarbara · 14/08/2020 08:59

She managed to raise you okay so I think you might need to put your big girl shoes on and hold your tongue for now. Unless you think she is senile or something like that this is probably just down to her style of discipline and it will do children good to learn to adapt to different types of care.

Waveysnail · 14/08/2020 09:00

She will only have 1 child? Much easier to handle than 2 kids. Were the kids running towards your car?

Palavah · 14/08/2020 09:05

If she's only taking one child then sheld be letting that child out of the car?

Otherwise agree with @LouiseTrees - i noticed X, we are trying Y, it seems to be working. Please could you try the same?

MyFartWillGoOn · 14/08/2020 09:06

It seems like you has the perfect opportunity when you saw this happen

Did you perhaps then get the kids back and show her how you usually do it?

It doesn't appear to me to be a particularly sensitive or difficult subject to broach?

DailyKegelReminder · 14/08/2020 09:13

It doesn't have to be a thing

"Mum, DC dont have much road sense, were trying to teach them but they still like to run off sometimes. When you get them out the car can you make them hold the back tyre, it's what we do and seems to work, how did you teach us road safety?"

Babdoc · 14/08/2020 09:14

I’m puzzled by why you apparently said nothing at the time, OP? If I had just seen my two young DC run in front of a car, I’d have exploded at whoever put them in that danger, mother or not. They could have been killed or seriously injured.
Was your mother shaken by the narrow escape? Did she apologise? Or was she oblivious- in which case she will probably do it again.
You will have to agree safety rules with her before any future outings, and you really should have done this at the time, while the shock was fresh and your point undeniable.

Amummyatlast · 14/08/2020 09:15

@BubblyBarbara

She managed to raise you okay so I think you might need to put your big girl shoes on and hold your tongue for now. Unless you think she is senile or something like that this is probably just down to her style of discipline and it will do children good to learn to adapt to different types of care.
And if they don’t adapt they get run over? In what world is that a sensible approach?
Original poster
frazzledmomof3 · 14/08/2020 09:19

Thanks all for the replies. I didn't mention it at the time as we met a friend of hers there. Maybe she was just distracted.
Yes maybe I'm making this a bigger thing than it should.

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 14/08/2020 09:21

You were there at the time. Am I missing something?

muddledmidget · 14/08/2020 09:24

If you were there maybe she thought you were responsible for supervising your children in the car park? She may be wondering exactly the same thing about whether you can control your children and whether they're safe to go out with you.

northstars · 14/08/2020 09:26

I would be furious, Op. My mother is much the same and thinks I overreact when I point such things out, which is why I don’t trust her alone with Dc.

northstars · 14/08/2020 09:26

But yes if you were there too, that is different. Why didn’t you make sure the children stopped?

Palavah · 14/08/2020 09:27

You were there?

thehumblediamond · 14/08/2020 09:30

What were you doing when they were running in front of the car ?

Original poster
frazzledmomof3 · 14/08/2020 09:30

Sorry to clarify - I was there yes. I was in my own car with my youngest. We pulled in further down. I saw her let them out and run up the car park towards the entrance of where we were going in to.

OP posts:
diddl · 14/08/2020 09:38

But you were there!

You didn't ask her to stop/wait for you to let the kids out?

Surely you just need to tell her that you can't just unstrap them & let them out-you need to hold on to one whilst getting the other out!

They should never be running off as soon as they get out of a car-but the adult should make sure that this doesn't happen.

Where is she taking the 2yr old that this is such a worry?

Can she not have reins on or be put straight into a buggy?

diddl · 14/08/2020 09:40

X post!

So she unstrapped them, opened the doors & let them out?

If you knew that they might run off, you could have asked her to wait for you or warned her?

nasiisthebest · 14/08/2020 09:42

I wouldn't supervise a child while their own parent was present.

FortunesFave · 14/08/2020 10:10

Is there a reason you could not have said "Mum I noticed that you let the DC run out of the car...that's not safe"

?? I'd just say something then and there.

rainbowstardrops · 14/08/2020 10:10

I know one of your children is only 2 but did you speak to your 4 year old and ask why they hadn't held onto the tyre like they know they have to? A 4 year old should really have some level of understanding of road sense and instructions.

FortunesFave · 14/08/2020 10:12

I once told my friend off for similar...we were walking down a very busy road...two lanes of traffic on the road and her tiny DS was allowed to run ahead of her unsupervised. He was no more than 2.

Cars were whizzing past and he was toddling alone about 15 feet in front of us.

I said that it wasn't safe and she dismissed me with a shake of the head "No, he's very good...he won't run away"

I was Shock

A 2 year old can't be trusted to not run onto a road ffs.

FortunesFave · 14/08/2020 10:14

I also have to question the wisdom of having kids hold onto tyres.

How is that safe? What if the car rolled? I personally teach kids to stay the hell away from the back of cars. I wouldn't want them to think of that area as a safe spot at all.

LuluBellaBlue · 14/08/2020 10:16

But you were clearly there and they're your children! You should of monitored that, not your mum! If I'm with my dsis for instance, I let her parent her children, whilst I have them solo, I'm much stricter with them

Swipe left for the next trending thread