Would you stay or leave ?

Mingo2010 · 2020-08-13T18:08:39+00:00

Would you stay with a man you'd been with for 10 years if he was saying you couldn't have another baby yet ( hasn't said we can't at all just not yet ) we have one dd and he made me Wait to try for dd for over 3 years because he wasn't ready at the age of 27!! Also he says he wants to get married but I think that's just something to keep me happy as he's been thinking about it for a few years !! Time isn't on my side and I'm worried I'll miss my chance waiting for him to change his mind

Queenoftheashes · 13/08/2020 19:10

How old are you?

LouiseTrees · 13/08/2020 19:13

What if you leave him and then don’t have a child with someone else, would you regret it? Or would you be like , “well he was stringing next along anyway so I’m happier with this new man”. Take the baby issue (but not the marriage bit) out the picture and evaluate.

Leaannb · 13/08/2020 19:17

Unless you are nearing 50 you have plenty of time. But this definitely could be a deal breaker. You need to sit down and flat out ask him does he want another and when. If you don't like the answers than you and only you need to decide if its waiting around. Personally, I wouldn't date a man for 10 years for marriage let alone having children. So I would have never had the first kid with the guy

Original poster

Mingo2010 · 13/08/2020 19:18

I'm 32. For me it really feels like a control thing, like we will do that when " he " wants too!
It took me 3 years to persuade him to have dd and then 3 years to conceive her xx

OP posts:

Russell19 · 13/08/2020 19:20

But it is his body and his life too. He does get a say.

EhUp · 13/08/2020 19:21

I would stay, assuming he is otherwise a good partner/father

Assuming he isn't Insisting on you waiting til DC1 is a teenager then waiting an extra year or two isnt really a dealbreaker unless there is a back story you aren't telling us

Caterinaballerina · 13/08/2020 19:21

Does he articulate why?

damnthatanxiety · 13/08/2020 19:22

I'm not sure why you use exclamation marks at the statement that he was not ready at 27. That's not odd. It is not all all odd to not be ready to have a child at 27.

How old is your DD?

Keeping2ChevronsApart · 13/08/2020 19:22

How old were you when you started persuading him the first time? You must have both been quite young, maybe he just wanted to live a little first

Original poster

Mingo2010 · 13/08/2020 19:32

I was 23 and dd is almost 3 xx

OP posts:

MrsSpookyM · 13/08/2020 19:36

Did you post this same thing the other day?

Seabreeze18 · 13/08/2020 19:39

For me it was a deal breaker but that was enough to persuade him and he never looked back! However, I was 10 years older than u! I think u need to discuss a timeline and say how u feel.

Smiliboo · 13/08/2020 19:40

You can't force him to have a baby he doesn't want.

Doublechins · 13/08/2020 20:06

But wouldn't it be a 'control thing' if he agreed to a baby before he was ready?

Both parents need to be ready to have a child.

No I wouldn't leave just for that reason.

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 13/08/2020 20:10

OP: If you have to "persuade" your partner to have a child with you, you are in the wrong relationship.

JoJoSM2 · 13/08/2020 20:14

So he was 18 and you were 23 when you started going out?

And you started persuading him when he was 21?

Sounds extremely early to me but then I only got married at 34 and started trying after that.

Original poster

Mingo2010 · 13/08/2020 20:16

No he was 27-28 ish when we tried for dd,
For those that say about forcing him I'm defo not forcing him Hence why I'm wondering if others would stay or leave as I'm not sure I could forgive him if we didn't have more

OP posts:

toomuchpeppapig · 13/08/2020 20:19

What if he changes his mind and never wants more kids? What if you leave him and then never meet anyone else to have another child with?

dwiz8 · 13/08/2020 20:20

Yabu to make your child grow up in a split family situation because you want another child so badly

That is what it boils down to

You are being incredibly selfish. Putting your wants above your current child and your other half

user1493413286 · 13/08/2020 20:23

I think these should be joint decisions so it shouldn’t be based on when just when you want or just when he wants. I was ready earlier than my DH both times we decided to try but he had valid reasons why he wanted to wait (holiday we had said we wanted to do and buy a house so we had the room for another baby). I could see his point of view and so we waited to do those things and then immediately started trying so it felt like we were both getting what we wanted. In all honesty though looking at your ages he must have been 24 when you first started trying to convince him if he agreed when he was 27 so I’m not sure you can judge him for not wanting a baby in his early twenties. I think I’d of felt the same if DH had wanted a baby at that point in our lives.

user1493413286 · 13/08/2020 20:25

I would want a specific time scale of when he would be happy for another baby then you can agree it together

YummyInMyTummy · 13/08/2020 20:27

I would have thought a fair number of 27 year olds aren’t ready to have children yet - not sure why you found it odd he wasn’t ready! I also don’t think you should break up your family purely so YOU can have another child; fair enough if the relationship isn’t working in other ways too. Think about the child you already have.

Leaannb · 13/08/2020 20:30

@user1493413286

I think these should be joint decisions so it shouldn’t be based on when just when you want or just when he wants. I was ready earlier than my DH both times we decided to try but he had valid reasons why he wanted to wait (holiday we had said we wanted to do and buy a house so we had the room for another baby). I could see his point of view and so we waited to do those things and then immediately started trying so it felt like we were both getting what we wanted. In all honesty though looking at your ages he must have been 24 when you first started trying to convince him if he agreed when he was 27 so I’m not sure you can judge him for not wanting a baby in his early twenties. I think I’d of felt the same if DH had wanted a baby at that point in our lives.

I think OP is wondering what is a reasonable time for her to wait before leaving. It took her 6 years to have her daughter. Three alone on trying to conceive. She is not disagreeing it takes two to make the decision. She is just unwilling to give up her chance at another child.

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2020 20:41

@Mingo2010

No he was 27-28 ish when we tried for dd, For those that say about forcing him I'm defo not forcing him Hence why I'm wondering if others would stay or leave as I'm not sure I could forgive him if we didn't have more

And what if you leave him and either never meet someone else or you can't have children with them (for whatever reason)?

It's a gamble.

Smiliboo · 13/08/2020 20:45

If he's not saying no, just not now then you've no reason to leave.