Would you stay or leave ?

[Mingo2010]

Would you stay with a man you'd been with for 10 years if he was saying you couldn't have another baby yet ( hasn't said we can't at all just not yet ) we have one dd and he made me Wait to try for dd for over 3 years because he wasn't ready at the age of 27!! Also he says he wants to get married but I think that's just something to keep me happy as he's been thinking about it for a few years !!
Time isn't on my side and I'm worried I'll miss my chance waiting for him to change his mind

Why the “!!!” at him not being ready for the first one at 27?
Neither was I 🤷🏻‍♀️
No need for “!!!”

What are his reasons?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/a3988752-would-you-bother-or-am-i-being-unreasonable?msgid=98937035#98937035

Last week you were separated.

I wouldn’t have a child with a man I was either separated from, or had only got back together with in the last 7 days.

HTH.

And also it’s a no to having a second baby with a man that you’re posting today about being unhappy with how he handles your family finances.

Come on - grow up!

And for some that is a gamble they are willing to take. Just like IVF it's a huge gamble but it's a huge gamble they are willing to take. There is no compromise here. If they don't agree it's going to cause resentment on either side. But both should have a say in their body and parenting choice even if that means seperating

Ok, I realise everyone including me has been fairly unhelpful..,
Adult life is messy, we rarely get the adult life we want or expect.
He is young and a larger age gap between kids makes life easier believe me!
Take some time, sort out any other issues. Remember perfection isn't realistic, both compromise, talk openly and see if you can come to a compromise.

I've just read a load of your other posts.
Are you back with your ex now then?
Tbh it doesn't sound like the healthiest relationship if he doesn't stick up for you against your in laws.

Do you have a cut off age for you? Is it, if we are not trying by the time I'm 37 then I'm done.

The thing is, it is such a major thing, he shouldn't have to have a child he doesn't want and you shouldn't have to forego another child if that is your desire. No one is in the wrong, it just depends how strongly you feel about it, if it's a deep need, leave, as you can't stay and resent him.

This could destroy your marriage either way. If you feel that strongly and he doesn't want another child , you will always resent him for it , you also run the risk of him resenting you and the child if you put too much pressure and he goes along with it when he doesn't want another child.

just stop using contraception and leave it up to him.

Stop using contraception.

Tell him cheerfully that as you definitely want another baby, you're going to look into having one on your own with donor sperm. Whether he then stays in the family is up to him.

I would have left you when you started trying to pressure me into having the first baby when I wasn't ready tbh.

It's not all about what you want and you sound like you think it should be(!!)

I'd be more concerned about the fact that the father of your child is dragging his feet to marry you. He sounds rather uninvolved.

@Mingo2010

No he was 27-28 ish when we tried for dd, For those that say about forcing him I'm defo not forcing him Hence why I'm wondering if others would stay or leave as I'm not sure I could forgive him if we didn't have more

What if you tried and couldn’t have more or , as per my previous comment, left and couldn’t have one with the next man? Your decision to leave should be based on him and not another baby.

You see, what sticks out for me is that you ask, "Should I leave?" My question to you, @Mingo2010, is do you really, really love him? That's really the most important question. If you don't then you shouldn't bring another child into this marriage. If you do, then you wouldn't even consider leaving him.
Either way, of course he has a choice too, but you should be looking at the bigger picture. Is this just one more example of him controlling you? Are there other things he says or does that could appear controlling? If the answer is yes, then leave. If no, then you need to sit down with him and really discuss this so that you both genuinely understand the other's point of view.

Be honest with him and tell him that having another child is more important than your commitment to him. He can then decide.

Personally I couldn't be with someone who put having a child over our love. They can't be loving you that much and if they are prepared to leave for another baby, what else would they leave you for? If you list your job, became disabled and need care?

I wouldn't want to live my life always wondering when they might go if they don't get all what they want. I'd take the first step and get out.

just stop using contraception and leave it up to him
As in telling him and him having to wear condoms? Well if he does, how is OP going to get what she wants?

Having a baby with someone when your relationship is so unstable is a crazy idea. How can you think he’s just saying no to control you when you were splitting up last week?

Thought you'd already left him. You were posting about how often your daughter should have overnights with him.

It sounds like a shit relationship, just from your recent posts, I wouldn't be trying to resurrect it to inflict on another child. That's unfair.

You need to have a long talk with your DH and explain to him why having another DC is so important to you, and that you feel you would never be able to accept not having another DC.

It is hard when couples aren't on the same page, but certainly not insurmountable.

Explain that you fear you are quickly running out of time to have another child (due to how long it took to conceive previously) and that the longer the delay, the higher the chance of complications/ birth defects etc.
Ask him WHY he doesn't feel ready. What is it that he's waiting for ?

You need to be very honest about your thoughts and concerns, and how you would feel about your DH if you do not have another DC. (obviously, he also needs to be very honest too)

OP's have said that whatever you do, it's a gamble and it's true.

You just need to weigh up whether having another DC (or at least trying to) is a deal breaker for you (i.e would you regret it forever).
If it is, you need to tell your husband, and then be prepared for the consequences.

I thought you were separating?

What's the point in being with someone you have to talk into it? Stop wasting your time

Thankyou for your replies
Yes we have had issues but I can't just switch off wanting a baby.
I know it is a huge gamble but I'd rather be on my own than with someone who controls when I can or can't have a baby, and someone who treats me as if I am below them !