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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit stumped by potty training?

42 replies

sunnyfields25 · 13/08/2020 16:51

Hi all

DS is 3.3 and I've run out of ideas for getting him to use a potty. He can and has used it on a few occasions, but most of the time will get emotional and distressed if I suggest he uses it. It's like he has an emotional barrier that we can't break through.

I've tried reading him potty books, buying special pants, having a potty in the bathroom for months so it becomes a normal thing, buying a trainer seat for the toilet instead, letting him see younger cousin using potty, talked about being a grown-up boy etc. Nothing has worked.

It's not that he can't use the potty, he just really doesn't want to. I don't want to force it as I think it'll turn into a distressing battle of wills. But equally I don't want him to still be wearing nappies in a year's time.

Does anyone have any ideas or experience of how to persuade a little one to use the potty?

Many thanks!

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/08/2020 16:54

Sorry but I think you should just say bye bye to nappies- this idea that kids do it when ready. We don’t wean them onto food when ready we just wean them. Take off the nappies and don’t look back.
Don’t make a huge deal out of it with reward charts etc, just a matter of fact “you’re a big boy now and this is what we do”....don’t get angry at accidents either, “oh well remember to tell mummy next time”. Start at the beginning again maybe- I loved the oh crap method and be consistent.

skylarkdescending · 13/08/2020 17:31

I'd recommend 'oh crap potty training' If you haven't read it OP.

Painsnail · 13/08/2020 20:11

Sympathies op, similar situation here! Would some kind of big reward motivate him?

Twinklelittlestar1 · 13/08/2020 20:19

I used a Sticker chart when he sat on it and a chocolate button for using it. Worked for us and I barely need to reward now.

Lockdownseperation · 13/08/2020 20:22

I second the oh crap method. Learning to use a potty is like learning to walk or talk, children need to practice and make mistakes to learn how to get it right.

Boshmama · 13/08/2020 21:08

I'd take the nappies away completely and do a few days at home naked, then pants etc. He'll get the hang of it - it's a tough few days but worth it. I'm so proud of DD three weeks in!

StillCounting123 · 13/08/2020 21:22

My elder two kids were dry day and night by 2.5 years. Easy peasy!

Younger DS is 3.2 years old and has no more interest in using the potty or loo than the man on the moon. He has done it a few times and physically can do so... He just can't be faffed.

He's a different personality to his older siblings, and he'll just take to it one day when he decides. No point in forcing it if you don't need to at this specific time.

QforCucumber · 13/08/2020 21:24

DS hated the potty, did not like using it at all, no interest. One day he helped me bin it and we started using the toilet instead. That weekend he said he didnt need nappies anymore. He was 3 and 1 month. I couldn't believe it.

AriesTheRam · 13/08/2020 21:30

We got a childs plastic urinal that looked like a frogs head.Ds had to aim for its tongue.He loved it coz he was stood up like his dad.You can still get them online.

userabcname · 13/08/2020 21:58

Mine hated it. He'd hold for HOURS rather than use the potty. We'd tried bribes, rewards, books, videos, taking him to the loo with us when we went, making a fuss, leaving him to it with nappy off and potty in the middle of the room, putting him on the potty at regular intervals, waiting for him to ask etc. Nothing worked and I was at the end of my tether. So one day, about a week after his 3rd birthday, I explained that 3yos are not allowed nappies except at bedtime. I was very serious. Told him big boys just HAVE to use a potty. Pants on, nappies put away. I ignored the ensuing tantrum. So commenced the stand-off. He wouldn't go on the potty, I refused to put him in a nappy. Eventually he wet himself. I didn't tell him off - just said if he went on the potty he wouldn't get wet. He wet himself again. Repeated the same message. Finally that evening he went on the potty - huge fuss made, loads of positive reinforcement, he LOVED flushing the loo. And that was it. By the end of day 2 all wees and poos on the potty. By day 3 he was dry through the night. No sticker charts/rewards, nothing. Just a matter-of-fact "you use the potty now". As far as I can tell he showed absolutely no signs of readiness - it was purely fuelled by the fact I was sick of changing nappies all day (I also have a baby). I think with ds2 I'll be a lot firmer and present it as a "this is what's happening" rather than a choice.

Dee1975 · 13/08/2020 22:21

Have a break. Leave it for a few weeks / or a month or more. Don’t stress. It will happen when it happens.
DD potty trained herself at 2.5 years .... but, now at 6.5 is only just out of nappies at night ... I tried to force it. Didn’t work. I just thought she will work it out herself I’ve day. And she did.

missyB1 · 13/08/2020 22:27

Cold turkey. No nappies (except for bedtime and naps). Chocolate button for every performance on the toilet (he’s a bit big for a potty). He will soon forget about nappies.

Eatyourbanana · 13/08/2020 22:33

@sunnyfields25 you have my sympathy, having the same problem with DD 3.1months. She doesn’t wear a nappy indoors, or even outside at times - never has an accident will always tell me when she needs a wee/poo & that she needs a nappy.

But if I even mention the word potty/toilet she totally loses it. Waves of tears, I don’t like, it’s scary!

I don’t know whether to just do as PP has mentioned as above and let her wet herself if she won’t use the potty, until she eventually
Relents. Feels like the only option left now...

I have promised her an Elsa dress (which she really, really wants) If she uses the potty/toilet once! She won’t...

Tavannach · 13/08/2020 22:35

Chocolate buttons.

GrumpyHoonMain · 13/08/2020 22:39

No nappies. I would go a step further and get rid of the potty so it’s just the trainer seat. Bribe with smarties or chocolate buttons for every successful toilet use (ie poo inside, he washes his hands etc). Then gradually wean him off the chocolate.

menofharlech · 13/08/2020 22:44

We had same issue with the potty at about the same age although girls (twins). We got a few wees but nothing much.

Left it a month. We binned potty, went straight to the loo with a little seat (so not scared of falling in) and a step. Sticker chart. Put a new funky loo seat on too - one of those tacky ones with fish in it. Read mr poo goes to poo land. They both managed it in less than a week.

So maybe give up for now and try again in a couple of weeks?

Yesterdayforgotten · 13/08/2020 23:00

I recommend chocolate buttons or similar tempting child friendly bribes on the toilet as a well done for sitting on it and making such a fuss of him (cue improv potty dance & song ensemble) even if he only sits for a few seconds. Also highly recommend a toilet seat with steps and preferably padded. I can’t get my ds off it now, he is like a little old man and will watch his mini tablet there and I have to try get him to come off! He refused the potty and went straight to the toilet seat at just before 3 (I think this is quite common as Mammy and daddy don’t use a potty so why should they) and trained in a couple of days, we got a load of cheap pants and did no nappies in daytime and nappies at night only, he was dry over night within a couple of weeks but even so we didn’t rush no nappies at nighttime, they learn quickly. You’ve got this op!

SingingSands · 13/08/2020 23:20

Why use a potty? Just go straight to the toilet. My DS refused a potty also and would go to the toilet, have a wee, then bellow "DON'T SMILE AT ME". He didn't want praise, stickers or chocolate buttons - he just wanted to go to the toilet, not perform.
Good for him! It worked!

Yesterdayforgotten · 14/08/2020 07:59

@SingingSands your child didn’t want chocolate?? What magnificently wizardry is this lol dc1 for sure loved his bug performance and being made a fuss of....Blush

Yesterdayforgotten · 14/08/2020 07:59

Or big but he does like bugs too

justanotherneighinparadise · 14/08/2020 08:07

There’s not a one size fits all when it comes to potty training. Neither of mine ever used a potty as they were too big. So they went straight to a training seat (Pourty) and step.

DS1 would happily wee on the toilet but we had a huge issue with poos. We cracked that eventually with the aid of lots of potty books and poo books that I would read to him whilst he was on the toilet and the final breakthrough was me buying him something he desperately wanted and putting it on a high shelf so he could see it. I said it was his directly he started pooing on the toilet regularly. Well that sealed the deal and it was in his hand within the week.

DS2 never had the same issue with poos. He does however still have an issue with going to the toilet on his own and he’s about to start school! I’ve explajnsd to him that no one will be accompanying him to the toilet when he’s at school and he seems to accept that. Yet still wants me to take him to the toilet anyway. If I don’t he gets very distressed.

So to my mind there’s a lot of emotions involved it toilet training and it’s important not to push it and make them feel insecure.

BertieBotts · 14/08/2020 08:09

Put a cheerio or a rice crispie in the toilet and tell him to try and wee on it like a game. That's what worked with DS1 who was so reluctant to potty train. Skipped potties totally and went to the toilet.

BertieBotts · 14/08/2020 08:12

Be warned oh crap is full of portents of doom because your child is older than 2 and a half Hmm if you can ignore the rubbish judgemental attitude and the author's insistence that she's an expert despite not actually understanding how bladders work (the pyramid theory is ridic also waking them up at night to wee, no) and just follow the basic method with the steps it's ok!

HaggisMuncher · 14/08/2020 08:20

Our son was very reluctant too and didn't TT until nearly 4. Hook that got him interested was stickers that you put in to the potty and reveal a picture when widdled on. We had a few different ones and djd a chart with the different pictures. Good luck!

SingingSands · 15/08/2020 01:41

@Yesterdayforgotten I know! He was very funny "DON'T LOOK AT ME! DON'T TELL DADDY!"

We had to tell nursery not to praise him, just take him to the toilet, with no big fuss. He was 3.2 and I think just "got it". My mother had been really badgering me for about a year to "get him trained" and I was adamant he would get it in his own time. Which he did, as long as we didn't look at him, smile at him or praise him! 😄

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