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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you call the police if you saw a ‘domestic’?

63 replies

Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2020 12:31

I live near a pub and the occasional disturbance happens but usually nothing more than some shouting and a bit of swearing.

Last night I hear a woman shout ‘let go of me’ and she sounded distressed. I looked out of my window and saw a couple arguing across the road. It looked unpleasant and he grabbed her, she tried to get away and he pushed her up against the wall to trap her.

At this point I called the police.

The argument then deescalated and although heated there was no more violence - I watched with a camera ready until the police arrived.

This was just after midnight.

I don’t think I over reacted but would you have called? When I placed the call the man was getting progressively more violent and I was getting ready to run out there as I was worried for her safety although it calmed down quite quickly.

If you were in that position would you have wanted the police to be called?

OP posts:
steff13 · 13/08/2020 12:33

Yes

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2020 12:33

And I use ‘domestic’ sort of ironically - I’m not diminishing or othering Domestic Abuse.

OP posts:
RiftGibbon · 13/08/2020 12:34

Yes.

Stilllivinginazoo · 13/08/2020 12:35

100% YES

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2020 12:35

I'd like to think so.

Well done

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2020 12:35

Ok. Good. Thank you.

OP posts:
toomanyplants · 13/08/2020 12:42

I'm not sure if this is allowed, but it's relevant.
My son has just produced a short film about domestic violence, and the question of if others should be involved.
It's due for release next week, and I have a trailer clip.
He is making this available freely to domestic violence support agencies, has the backing of a few police commissioners, and councils.
I'm really proud of him for delving into such a complex, upsetting subject.

www.perceptiontheatre.com/

HeronLanyon · 13/08/2020 12:43

Absolutely yes. Well done.
Things like that shouldn’t be ignored.

toomanyplants · 13/08/2020 12:43

www.facebook.com/111947543590744/posts/301512457967584/?vh=e
Sorry, that's the link for the trailer, above link is the website

AuditAngel · 13/08/2020 12:51

I have called the police in a similar situation. I waited a bit longer, because initially they were just shouting/screaming at each other, but nothing physical. When it continued I called the police. They advised they had received other calls about the same incident

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2020 12:51

@toomanyplants

https://www.facebook.com/111947543590744/posts/301512457967584/?vh=e Sorry, that's the link for the trailer, above link is the website
Thank you for sharing this.

I witnessed DV as a child - not my parents but other family members and it was horribly upsetting and I just couldn’t believe no one tried to stop it (with the eyes of a 12 yo - I know it’s not straightforward now obviously).

OP posts:
Nothingwillcomeofnothing · 13/08/2020 13:16

Yes I would.
What if you hadn’t and someone was seriously hurt.
Also, violent bullies need to know that their behaviour will be challenged at every opportunity.

AudacityOfHope · 13/08/2020 13:17

Of course. I'd contact the police for any violence between two people, who cares what the context of it is.

Nonotthisagain · 13/08/2020 13:21

Absolutely yes. I've intervened myself in fights and also called the police. It's shocking how many people turn a blind eye. One particular incident was outside a supermarket where a man and woman were arguing which turned into fighting - he was shoving her violently and grabbing her arms really hard, loads of people just looking and walking on by. I restrained him and had to ask someone to call the police!

Scruffymac · 13/08/2020 13:24

Yes I have done. I live in an area where calling the police is kind of frowned upon due to complex social history and a few months ago three of us on the one street called regarding my neighbour who sounded as if he was hitting his girlfriend. Was absolutely horrendous and has called some fall out on the street but I'd do it again. Good on you.

TimelyManor · 13/08/2020 13:27

If you were in that position would you have wanted the police to be called?

Yes please. If my neighbour had called the police when my ex was violent to me rather than the next day saying "Heard you screaming last night, ha ha" things might have turned out a bit differently.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/08/2020 13:28

Yes, if someone is being assaulted I would.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2020 13:35

@TimelyManor

If you were in that position would you have wanted the police to be called?

Yes please. If my neighbour had called the police when my ex was violent to me rather than the next day saying "Heard you screaming last night, ha ha" things might have turned out a bit differently.

This is what I figured and why I called the police and have in the past.

I just wasn’t sure if it might make things worse longer term but I just couldn’t ignore it.

OP posts:
TimelyManor · 13/08/2020 13:37

There's always that risk, Merry, but you may have saved her life.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 13/08/2020 13:39

100% yes. And I'm glad the police turned up at the right time!!

Thank you for doing the right thing.

0hforfoxsake · 13/08/2020 13:39

Yes.without a second thought.

GlassMarble · 13/08/2020 13:41

Yes I would. I have done in the past.

It was scary but the police came and I hope it helped the victim that I heard being attacked.

blacktop · 13/08/2020 13:46

Yes. I have done. I got it wrong though. I was driving and noticed a couple sort of wrestling, I pulled in and watched what was happening, she was trying to get away and he was physically stopping her. I called the police and it turned out she was is crisis and he was trying to stop her going onto the train tracks at the other side of the park we were near. I made the wrong judgement but was still right to call the police who I turn arranged an ambulance..They told me at the time they would always rather get the call then not; even if they were not needed.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 13/08/2020 13:49

I would certainly call if it looked serious but no way would I go there myself. Last time I saw a good soul stepping in, an older lady, on a street she was told to fuck off or "I will smash your face in" by the girl who was being shouted at by a lad.

Alicenwonderland · 13/08/2020 13:53

Always yes. Someone called the police when they saw my ex being verbally abusive towards me outside our house. Sadly the police didn't come in, they just drove by. I only found this out when he took me to court over child custody and police reports were requested. Most DV victims don't report their partners to the police because they're too scared. Sadly when you do separate they use the court system to further abuse and bully you. Unless there's a conviction for DV you end up utterly terrorised by these men. I was able to prove DV and as a result have been able to have extra protection through court and support from women's aid. Not only could you have saved her life you could also have helped her in the future if she ever finds the strength to leave.