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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you call the police if you saw a ‘domestic’?

63 replies

Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2020 12:31

I live near a pub and the occasional disturbance happens but usually nothing more than some shouting and a bit of swearing.

Last night I hear a woman shout ‘let go of me’ and she sounded distressed. I looked out of my window and saw a couple arguing across the road. It looked unpleasant and he grabbed her, she tried to get away and he pushed her up against the wall to trap her.

At this point I called the police.

The argument then deescalated and although heated there was no more violence - I watched with a camera ready until the police arrived.

This was just after midnight.

I don’t think I over reacted but would you have called? When I placed the call the man was getting progressively more violent and I was getting ready to run out there as I was worried for her safety although it calmed down quite quickly.

If you were in that position would you have wanted the police to be called?

OP posts:
cupoftea84 · 13/08/2020 14:00

I have twice. Once I had to push the police to do something as they weren't bothered.
As others have said it can influence a lot of other things such as child contact, legal aid and also I hope the victims perception later on if they're not supportive of police help at the time. It says this isn't ok, you are worth more than this.

FourEyesGood · 13/08/2020 14:02

Yes - I have done, and would do it again.

Besom · 13/08/2020 14:05

Yes and have done a couple of times.

Sally7645 · 13/08/2020 14:18

Totally did the right thing. I was woken in the middle of the night recently by shouting to find a shirtless bloke looming over (presumably) his girlfriend with her cowering in the street trying to back away with her hands up. He didn't strike her but was being menacing and aggressive.

I called the police and they were there within 2 mins, by which point they'd already gone back in the house opposite, no arrests made or anything but glad I did it so the guy knew people had witnessed it and it's now on record in case it happens again... makes me sick!

pooopypants · 13/08/2020 14:20

Absolutely and without a doubt. You 100% did the right thing.

I'm sure there will be many people who read this thread and think "I wish someone had called the police for me, even once".

YesINameChangeEveryDay · 13/08/2020 14:20

Yes, definitely.

An ex boyfriend of mine had me against a wall by my neck in a nightclub once. So many people walked past and I was silently begging just one of them to stop and intervene.

Scarlettpixie · 13/08/2020 14:22

I would.

I called the police to two men arguing not long back. One was angry and waving a big stick! I wasn’t the only one to call either.

Babdoc · 13/08/2020 14:23

DD has done so - she heard the upstairs couple fighting and screaming when she lived in a flat some years ago. She went up and shouted through the letterbox that she had called the police.
The couple actually thanked her the next day, and said they’d been having relationship problems and the arrival of the police officers was a wake up call to get some counselling!
DD is krav maga trained, and intervenes personally if she sees women being hassled or attacked in the street at night. She has the confidence of knowing she can drop the guy to the floor in seconds. I’d recommend the training to all schoolgirls if I could.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 13/08/2020 14:26

I did, and agreed to speak as a witness in court when she pressed charges - but she dropped them before the trial went ahead.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2020 14:27

Yes of course.

Although there was a thread on here a few days ago where loads of MNetters were saying they wouldn't get involved or call the police, when the OP said her mum's nextdoor neighbour actually screamed for someone to call them.

All gave selfish reasons that it might 'come back on them' if the neighbour's violent son found out who called them. Not that the police would've told him.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2020 14:29

This thread here It was such a depressing read.

MrsMoastyToasty · 13/08/2020 14:34

Yes, I would.

Likewise I would (and have) reported a suspect package left unattended in a public space.

Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2020 14:35

@WorraLiberty

Yes of course.

Although there was a thread on here a few days ago where loads of MNetters were saying they wouldn't get involved or call the police, when the OP said her mum's nextdoor neighbour actually screamed for someone to call them.

All gave selfish reasons that it might 'come back on them' if the neighbour's violent son found out who called them. Not that the police would've told him.

I intervened a couple of years ago when I saw a parent hit his child on the school run.

I got so much grief on here for intervening and it really quite upsetting how many people told me I should have stayed out of it.

OP posts:
Justajot · 13/08/2020 14:36

Do you call 101 or 999 for a domestic?

I nearly called a couple of weeks ago as one sounded like it was going to become physical, but then it eased off, so I didn't. But I wasn't sure which number to call.

TeaAndHobnob · 13/08/2020 14:40

Justajot call 999. 101 is for stuff that isn't time sensitive/serious.

Gogogadgetarms · 13/08/2020 14:40

Yes I would have.

User563420011 · 13/08/2020 14:46

@Justajot

Do you call 101 or 999 for a domestic?

I nearly called a couple of weeks ago as one sounded like it was going to become physical, but then it eased off, so I didn't. But I wasn't sure which number to call.

In my view, 999, because someone is at immediate and high risk of harm.
Original poster
Merryoldgoat · 13/08/2020 14:48

I called 999.

I still had to hold though.

OP posts:
dalecooper · 13/08/2020 14:53

We called the police on a drunken argument turned violent when I was at uni back in the 90s. We were in our house. Heard argument on street outside. Drunk man dragging a woman/girl around and pushing her. Next thing they are on the floor and he is pushing her down and hitting her. We went up to our third floor and shouted out the window for him to stop. Told him we were calling the police. He didn't leave. Called police. He then decided to break into our house by the downstairs window (which was my friends bedroom), luckily police arrived and hauled him off before he managed to.

I would do it again.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 13/08/2020 15:00

Yes I would

Someone phoned them when I was in this situation, the police came and took me to my sister's and I never went back

MojoJojo71 · 13/08/2020 15:00

Yes, I have done and would do so again. I once pulled my car over and intervened when I saw a woman with a child in a buggy being assaulted in the street.

If someone is bring assaulted then it’s a emergency regardless of who’s doing the assaulting so 999 ‘domestic’ or otherwise

HowFastIsTooFast · 13/08/2020 15:00

I almost have, woken at 5am one morning by screaming and crashing from the flat next door. A few minutes later she came out of the flat into the corridor and off down the fire escape screaming for help like she was being murdered. I froze for a few minutes (it was a bit triggering for a reason I won't go into) and then threw some shoes on and went down to the car park looking for her. On not being able to find her I went back up to my flat to call the police, but before I got through she was back and meekly knocking on their door to get back in Hmm

That was neither the first or last time I heard them fighting, but it was the worst. They were given notice to move out a couple of months later as the owner sold the flat. Can't say I miss them.

hiredandsqueak · 13/08/2020 15:04

Yes I would and have rung on a dog walk of all things when a bloke was being verbally abusive and aggressive to a woman. I didn't feel able to intervene so called the police and watched from a distance until the police turned up.

Balkin · 13/08/2020 15:14

Yes I would.

My ex was physically abusive. When he left my neighbours said they nearly called the police a few times because they thought he was killing me. I wish they bloody had.

KangarooIsland · 13/08/2020 15:15

In all honesty, I would but only if I could be 100% sure that I wouldn’t identified.