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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was this cheeky or not?

74 replies

Alison421 · 12/08/2020 20:30

I want an unbiased opinion as possible as other similar things have been happening so I need to get opinions on whether my initial judgement is right or clouded!

Moved into neighbourhood a year ago and one of neighbours turned up to introduce herself and her kids. Whilst we were chatting away her kids helped themselves to ice lollies from my freezer. The mother noticed and just laughed. I felt really uncomfortable as they were dripping on my furniture and carpet but the mother did nothing to stop them. I know at the time I should have been assertive and asked them to use tissues to soak up the dripping but I didn’t.

The more I’m getting to know this woman and her kids the more I’m realising she just lets them do what they want and doesn’t seem to be any discipline. It’s a really nice neighbourhood and properties are expensive so it’s not that they can’t afford food or stuff.

This is Cheeky? How would you have honestly reacted?

OP posts:

katy1213 · 13/08/2020 13:07

@hoiistbyownzombiepetard

Perhaps there's a glimmer of hope. Baby steps - she's called me a rude twit - and the world hasn't fallen around her ears! Lesson 2: standing for up herself face to face!

Bargebill19 · 13/08/2020 13:15

Definitely cheeky neighbour of the summer.

OhKnackers · 13/08/2020 13:30

Op it is rude for someone to call you a drip, I agree with you. Some people are caught off guard, others aren't assertive, I'm not assertive either, I'm trying but it's hard for some people. It's rude and I probably would have been shocked and said nothing, maybe said something the next time instead.

donquixotedelamancha · 13/08/2020 13:31

Perhaps there's a glimmer of hope. Baby steps - she's called me a rude twit - and the world hasn't fallen around her ears! Lesson 2: standing for up herself face to face!

Great reply :-)

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 13/08/2020 13:34

Whilst we were chatting away her kids helped themselves to ice lollies from my freezer. The mother noticed and just laughed. I felt really uncomfortable as they were dripping on my furniture and carpet but the mother did nothing to stop them.
Wtaf? I would have grabbed the ice lollies off the kids and thrown the bloody lot of them out. That is CFery at its finest.

I know at the time I should have been assertive and asked them to use tissues to soak up the dripping but I didn’t.
Assertive? 🤣🤣🤣 You clearly have no concept of what assertiveness is.

TableFlowerss · 13/08/2020 13:45

Pittapitta · 13/08/2020 14:25

Why did you bin the cake that was a bit OTT

Original poster

Alison421 · 13/08/2020 14:27

I know I need to be assertive. Even the harsh comments have helped lol! I’m always hearing my mums voice in my head telling me to be more easy going and stop kicking up a fuss all the time. I just tried to discuss this behaviour with her using an example of when my Aunty would just start swearing at me and mum would just sit there quietly. She’s encouraged me my entire life to just put up with crap. I know I’m an adult but growing up there were no words for how she’s affected me during my developmental years. I think the key is understanding my mothers behaviour first and that will help me stop hearing her bloody voice all the time! Anyone who comes across this thread years from now and who can relate, I think the first step is to stop giving so much importance to your mothers attitudes and opinions. Also stop thinking you’re not worth anything. I know it’s hard as emotionally manipulative mothers have a way to keep a hold on us even when we’ve grown up and moved away.

OP posts:

Original poster

Alison421 · 13/08/2020 14:28

Why did you bin the cake that was a bit OTT

Because on the news they were telling us risks of vivid being spread. So the fact the cake was made at home and decorated at home I didn’t want to risk any contamination and then having spread it to others via this

OP posts:

Original poster

Alison421 · 13/08/2020 14:29

vivid I mean covid

OP posts:

imapenguin · 13/08/2020 14:34

I can't believe no one has commented on the post with the kids finger being chopped off...

AryaStarkWolf · 13/08/2020 14:37

It was really cheeky, I would have definitely said something as well. That mother should have been embarrassed by her children doing that

AcrossthePond55 · 13/08/2020 15:05

When I was young there was a neighbour who let her youngest just wander around the neighbourhood at will. He couldn't have been more than 4 and would simply walk in any unlocked door and 'help himself' including sitting down at the dinner table and/or helping himself if you were eating a meal. People would tell him to go home, but he'd be back wandering the next day. People had to start locking their front doors and then when summer came, having to lock their screen doors (unheard of in my early 60s childhood). All the mums complained to each other, and yet no one ever talked to this child's mum.

If you don't like the way children are behaving in your home, tell their parent. If he/she does nothing then tell them to stop yourself. If the parent goes off in a strop, what have you really lost? Nothing.

donquixotedelamancha · 13/08/2020 15:10

What has happened to MN?

A post saying OP is being a drip and one calling that poster a twit get deleted.

Have I misseed the memo where we got bought out by nethuns?

Original poster

Alison421 · 13/08/2020 15:25

I just noticed they got deleted! I didn’t think wording was as bad as I’ve seen on other threads. Someone must have reported It. I just got annoyed with being called “drip” as that to me means stupid or thick. Being passive and non-confrontational is not being stupid imo

OP posts:

rosiejaune · 13/08/2020 16:46

@Anordinarymum

Years ago we lived next door to a weird family. They were very poor and not very clean. They were also a sandwich short of a picnic and kept us entertained for years with their antics.

One year though they took the piss and later we realised it was all our own fault.......

We had acquired a greenhouse and grew tomatoes and cucumbers. We also had vegetables in the garden - green beans and peas and sweet peas.
My ex husband asked the man next door to water the tomatoes while we were away on holiday and told him to pick some for the family.

When we returned they had taken everything. A greenhouse full of tomatoes and they had taken the bloody lot, and the children had picked all the beans and peas.
Never again.

Well unless your entire crop ripened at the same time, that happened to be when you were away, I don't see why this would happen.

Why would they pick the unripe things? And if they only picked ripe stuff then that seems fair enough as it could have been wasted by the time you got home to use it.

Angelina82 · 13/08/2020 17:11

Of course that was cheeky and the mother is an ignorant twat who would never be setting foot past my threshold again. You really need to woman up OP!

hoistbymyownzombiepetard · 13/08/2020 17:14

@donquixotedelamancha

What has happened to MN?

A post saying OP is being a drip and one calling that poster a twit get deleted.

Have I misseed the memo where we got bought out by nethuns?

This! I was deleted for quoting the deleted post. I've seen much, much worse behaviour than calling someone a drip (which absolutely doesn't mean what the OP thinks it does).

Palavah · 13/08/2020 17:20

Drip doesn't = stupid or thick.
Drip = wet, weak, unable to assert yourself.

There's a difference between being assertive and aggressive, you could just as easily have said with a big smile 'oops where did you find those? Let's put them back!' or 'oops those are going to drip - let's all go outside so we dont make a mess' or similar.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/08/2020 17:28

Yy Palavah

donquixotedelamancha · 13/08/2020 21:44

I just noticed they got deleted! I didn’t think wording was as bad as I’ve seen on other threads.

The wording was fine- of we can't call people a twit MN will have very few users left. I wonder whether we now aren't allowed to offend those who identify as Roald Dahl characters?

BTW, I agree that PP was not calling you stupid, just a wimp. You definitely were being a wimp. Well done on sticking up for yourself with her- now practice on CF neighbour.

If you still want more practice arguing first, I'm happy to insult you, so you can give me some proper abuse?

Original poster

Alison421 · 13/08/2020 22:58

@donquixotedelamancha lol! I’m getting there thanks x

OP posts:

FrenchBoule · 13/08/2020 23:11

We had the same with neighbours DD.

Aged 6 she came in and stuck her head in the freezer.

I asked her what did she think she was doing. She was looking for an icecream. I told her (not asked) to shut the freezer. She said she’s allowed to help herself at home.

I told her it wasn’t her home and it was extremely rude to “help herself” in the other people’s houses to stuff.

Never happened again.

Be direct and blunt.

ittooshallpass · 13/08/2020 23:38

I had a friend and her DD around for a play date; she brought another friend and her DD, which I didn't mind until the child went into my fridge and helped herself to a very large glass of milk.

I told her to put it back! Her mum was most put out. Apparently her PFB DD is used to drinking milk whenever she wants to at home.

I said she's not at home, she didn't ask and I need the milk for tomorrow 🤷‍♀️

OP - you just need to tell these CFs it's not on!

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