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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My child is addicted to computer games

29 replies

Burly · 12/08/2020 14:19

I’ve been trying for years to sort this out. I can’t seem to find a plan that works and stick to it. Any ideas??

OP posts:
Yeahnahmum · 12/08/2020 14:25

Take away the computer 😄

Original poster
Burly · 12/08/2020 14:28

Useful

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 12/08/2020 14:30

Honestly I've no personal experience but from what friends have said cold turkey is the only way to go.
Remove the computer completely for a week or two then allow him to earn back time sensibly, which will hopefully allow him to learn self regulation.

Shamp · 12/08/2020 14:31

How old are they?

ChaBishkoot · 12/08/2020 14:32

How old are they? And why has cold turkey not worked before? It would be helpful to know what you have tried before we can give advice.

Fatted · 12/08/2020 14:33

Remove the computer games. If they cannot regulate their usage, then they should not have them. They are not a necessity. If you need a laptop/phone/tablet/games console for yourself, you hide them from your DC and lock them so your DC cannot access them.

You wouldn't try to moderate an alcoholics alcohol consumption, would you?! You'd cut it out cold turkey

sitckmansladylove · 12/08/2020 14:33

A lot of people I know only allow weekend access. I have took away the tablet altogether as ds was becoming a bit obsessed. After a week or so he didn't ask for it again. But he is younger.
Maybe reduce the time to weekends only ? It's a very tricky situation. Schools are back soon so he could earn time by doing jobs / outdoor sports.

Justmuddlingalong · 12/08/2020 14:34

I can’t seem to find a plan that works and stick to it.
So what's the actual problem, you not being able to find a plan, or you not sticking to it?

justoverthehorizon · 12/08/2020 14:35

@Fatted

Remove the computer games. If they cannot regulate their usage, then they should not have them. They are not a necessity. If you need a laptop/phone/tablet/games console for yourself, you hide them from your DC and lock them so your DC cannot access them.

You wouldn't try to moderate an alcoholics alcohol consumption, would you?! You'd cut it out cold turkey

Going cold turkey with alcohol can actually be dangerous. ..but I agree take the computers away.
Pringlemonster · 12/08/2020 14:45

I understand op
We see camhs with my son ,and this is one of his problems
Camhs said we were wrong to remove it completely,my son became so distressed at having it removed it started saying he had nothing to live for and he wished he was dead.
Camhs gave us a long lecture about why we were wrong to remove his technology
I have no solutions as we still battle with it

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 12/08/2020 14:54

I think the age of the child is important here. My older two are 5 and nearly 8. Tablet time is pretty restricted and I make use of the timer settings on their kindles so its non negotiable; the tablets just don't work when their time is up. 1hr 30mins for 5 yo, 2hrs for 7 yo. With the Switch they can have an hour on their games at weekends. Its probably too much screen time by some people's standards but they're happy with it, we don't have any conflict so it works for us.
I imagine with an older child they start playing more involved games that they want more time on or negotiations can be a bit tougher? Sit down and discuss what you think is reasonable and what they see as reasonable and find a solution maybe

Original poster
Burly · 12/08/2020 15:24

He is 15 years old. I have tried so many times to stick to certain hours of the day but as he’s got older it becomes more difficult. It has got to the point a couple of times where things have got out of hand and he has broken my door frame, tipped milk over the floor and pushed me. As I write this it sounds awful and weak. He’s not a bad child, I just have let things get out of hand. Just wanted to see if anyone else has a similar problem and if they seemed help or have an idea.....
At the moment he sleeps most of the day and plays at night so it’s got worse.....

OP posts:
sitckmansladylove · 12/08/2020 15:45

This is very tough. Could you contact the gp or professional services for support. I think you do need to follow through and reduce. So 1 hour a day and if he outbursts he loses the next day. Are you on your own with him ?

Yeahnahmum · 12/08/2020 15:49

Take. Away. His.computer.
Or shut off the Internet after 10pm

He pushed you and broken your door frame but still you insist he is a good kid??? No he is not. And yes you enabled this but you can still rectify it.

Stop enabling him. Be firm. And dont let him rule your household. You are the adult here. Act like one

safariboot · 12/08/2020 15:58

Is he neglecting essentials like schoolwork and household chores? Is he disturbing others in the house when gaming late at night? If so, punish him for that misbehaviour.

miimblemomble · 12/08/2020 16:17

What’s his usual routine OP? How’s he doing in school? What other activities does he do? Chores? Does he socialise with friends IRL?

If you can look at his gaming in the context of his whole life, you will have a clearer idea of whether it’s a problem.

Is it just you and him? Is his father around? Siblings? What’s his home situation like?

His behaviour when kicking off is clearly unacceptable. If you haven’t set boundaries in the past, suddenly doing so is really going to piss him off. You are still his parent though.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 12/08/2020 16:19

What punishments does he get for the violence?

As above, if all schoolwork is done, he does whatever chores are expected and is getting some fresh air then I'd not fight the gaming.

but the violence is beyond unacceptable and needs coming down on.

Feellikedancingyeah · 12/08/2020 16:22

Have a look at Game Quitters on Facebook and You Tube

ilovesooty · 12/08/2020 16:32

@Yeahnahmum

Take. Away. His.computer. Or shut off the Internet after 10pm

He pushed you and broken your door frame but still you insist he is a good kid??? No he is not. And yes you enabled this but you can still rectify it.

Stop enabling him. Be firm. And dont let him rule your household. You are the adult here. Act like one

Really unsupportive and unhelpful.

OP there are support services for adults managing addiction in their families. Could you research whether support is available to you in your area? There are also specialist forums offering support with gaming addiction.

testingtesting101 · 12/08/2020 16:37

I think this is incredibly hard if he won't acknowledge there is a problem. My ten year old started to develop a problem over lockdown (ASD and kept finding ways around our restrictions). However, he agreed to a month off and then we introduced them back for a 2/3 times a week but only for an hour or two and have more or less stuck to it. I think with a teen it is important that the relationship doesn't break down over this. Is there someone else he might listen to? Would he go to CAMHS with you?

Original poster
Burly · 12/08/2020 16:52

I did go to my GP during lockdown and she advised to speak to the school nurse and get him assessed but obviously in current circumstances that’s difficult. Not heard of CAMHS.....
He doesn’t think there’s a problem....
I know some people will read this and think there’s an easy solution but believe me it’s really not that straight forward. As I say I’ve tried a lot of things.....hence why I’ve come on here......

OP posts:
MrsA2015 · 12/08/2020 17:02

Oh ffs not everything needs an assessment! You bought the computer, you pay for the internet I presume? Be a parent and don’t give him access.

LonelyFromCorona · 12/08/2020 17:03

AIBU?

TheSunIsStillShining · 12/08/2020 17:29

I have a 15yr old who sits in front of a screen all day.
Why I am only slightly bothered:

  1. he sleeps until 9/10am
  2. He upped his grades in lockdown and did all his homework
  3. He is polite (for a teen) and "normal". When his behaviour tends to start changing, we call him out on it, talk it through at dinner.
  4. internet is turned off at 10pm. He is in bed by 11 max.
  5. He actually has a social life whilst playing. He is chatting more that I have seen him do... ever...
  6. We have a few rules: Dinner together and a game afterwards.
  7. And we have huge chats around bedtime. He got this stalling idea many years ago, but it is still there :)

times are for hols only.

He tried yelling at me once a few weeks ago for turning off the internet.
Result: I turned it off for a whole next day. I am not going to tolerate being yelled at by my son or anyone for that matter.
Yes, the whole of the next day was sulking, whining,... but i couldn't give a toss.
The max we allow is to bang the door. And even that we object to.. just not too harshly.

I think you need to weigh the whole of the kid's life and also grow some balls and act like an adult.

DavetheCat2001 · 12/08/2020 17:36

15 year olds can be big and strong.

OP do you have a partner living with you? It's not acceptable for a child that age acting violently towards you, technically a child or not.