To be a miffed auntie !

[Willowmartha1]

I have two nephews and a niece, I always remember their birthdays with cards and presents but never get anything on mine ! Twice now my niece has come to my birthday meal and said 'sorry I forgot to get you a card!" Am I being unreasonable me to feel miffed and slightly annoyed?! They are all grown ups so no excuse really !

YANBU.

OP just tell them a few home truths re courtesy and good manners. As an auntie you have every right to do so.

Stop getting for them.... As adults it should be a mutual thing

I think there are 2 types of people in the world; card people and not card people. It's hard for card people because, to them, forgetting a card is an insult. To non card people it's just forgetting a card and its not a big deal and doesnt mean they think any less of you.
It is one of the universe's great conflicts and I'm not sure there is an easy solution....

My mother is a miffed grandma'. Two nieces in particular, forget about them acknowledging her birthday, they didn't even bother to thank her for the lovely thoughtful presents she used to send them. Aged 24 and 22, so that was the end of that.

I think her presence at your birthday meal is more important than a card. What will you do with a card? Read it and bin it?

I only exchange cards and gifts with people who reciprocate (obviously I do send gifts to certain people for occasions but not routine birthdays etc once they are adults ).

The non card people don’t especially enjoy receiving them even.

@Boom45 thank you for this! I’m a non card person and I’m sure I’ve insulted many a friends and family. Those that feel an actual thank you card is a necessity in addition to a text or phone call just puzzle the hell out of me. How can I be rude if Iv taken the time to call someone and thank them just because I don’t also send a card?

I guess to me it just feels that I don't matter, how busy does someone have to be to pop and get a card, a cheap one would have done ! Maybe I'm too sensitive but I wouldn't dream of going to a birthday meal and not taking a card.

I'm terrible with cards, I'll get them for the little kids I'm close to but otherwise it completely bypasses me. I've never got my uncles and aunts cards, I don't mean it as an insult, I've said to basically everyone to not bother getting me one either because I'm just so terrible at it.

That's because you're a card person @Willowmartha1 - I really try to remember which of my friends/family are card people and get them a card but normally I wouldn't buy cards because when i get cards they get shoved in a bag and forgotten about. They're not a sigh of affection or respect to non card people.
Doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid - non card people arent in the right or anything - it's just worth remembering that someone forgetting a card doesnt necessarily mean that they dont care about you. Just that they don't care about cards.

I like a card but I have never received one from any of my nieces and nephews,, not miffed just the way it is , I don’t send them now they are all grown

.

Toilenstripes

I always keep Mothering Sunday cards and birthday and Christmas cards from my sons, family and loved ones (in a drawer) for a year until I receive the next one. I have a box containing the last cards I received from my beloved Nana and Mum and Dad.

For a family of three nieces, who from about the ages of 12 stopped thanking me for (or acknowledging in any way) cards, gifts and money, I wrote to them to say that I had decided to invest the appx value of all their annual gifts into a £15 monthly Direct Debit to MacMillion Nurses ‘in their name’ (in our minds only of course).

Only one of them has ever mentioned it and she said that she thought that it was ‘a brilliant idea’.

I send them Jacque Lawson e-cards at Christmas and birthdays.

I wish I’d done it all sooner.

.

I would much rather buy someone a glass of wine or a piece of cake and a cuppa than a card which will be in the bin in days. To each their own.

I'm not a card person. I wouldn't necessarily take a card to a birthday meal. And young adults are naturally self centred.

Also thanks to @Boom45 - you've explained this beautifully.

Another PP said how hard is it to do, but to me it seems so hard. You need to remember date, get/have card, get/have stamps, post them on time. I have awful executive function and all that just seems really overwhelming. It would take me half a day, including the embarrassing bit when I have to text asking to get the address for the 50th time. Some people find that easy, and see not doing it as laziness. But then there are quite a few things I find really easy, but I dont judge other people because they find them tough.

@ScrapThatThen yeah she the niece is self centered she was having a boyfriend crisis this year and last hence the no card situation !!

I wouldn’t give a card if I’m seeing the person. Other than it being the cultural thing to do, I can’t see why I’d write a message that the receiver reads while I’m sitting there.

How old are they? If under 18 i think YABU, certainly in my family it was accepted kids never got gifts or cards for adults and it was a family gift/card. If over 18 yes it’s a bit thoughtless but if they’re still student kind of age they probably go along with the norm from when they were children. I’m 30 and ashamed to admit I only started getting cards/gifts for my aunts/uncles/godparents etc very recently - grandparents were closer to us so I did start buying them gifts at about age 19/20. For me it’s partly I live a very busy London City life and my family don’t really do cards, so it’s very hard for me to remember to buy, write and post them if it’s not a date I actually know off by heart like my parents’ or siblings’ birthdays. I’ve tried putting them in my calendar with a reminder but still often don’t get round to it. I feel guilty about this. I’m 30 for context.

I don’t really get birthday cards or acknowledgements from most of my nephews and nieces. I think probably because (even though they’re adults) they’re used to their name just being added to their parents’ card so haven’t really had to think about it. I notice it but don’t dwell. I do send them cards (stopped doing presents/money) and will just carry on with that.

Mine never acknowledge mine at all and I spend several hundred pounds on them on each birthday and Christmas, have paid for holidays etc.

To be honest I didn’t realise it was the done thing to give aunties and uncles cards gifts etc. My cousins didn’t to my parents.

@notalwaysalondoner they are all late twenties! I wouldn't mind so much about a card if I wasn't seeing the person but for someone to arrive at a birthday meal and then say 'I forgot to get you a card' Two years running made me a bit annoyed, maybe it would have been better if she had said nothing.

Surprising how they don't "forget" to attend the birthday meal!

Do they watsapp to say "Happy Birthday Aunt - looking forward to the lunch/dinner."..??

If you are seeing someone on a birthday why give a card.(Same as christmas) Waste of money. Not saying thank you for a gift once results in no more gifts from me!!!!

I'm not a card person. Even at christmas. Such a waste of paper. I send to close family only.