I'm going to try and cut a very long and complicated story short here. My mum was in a long term relationship from my late childhood through to early adulthood, and this man lived with us for most of that time. For many years he was a nice person and they had a healthy relationship. Around ten years ago when I was in my late teens his mental health started to deteriorate - at first it seemed like depression and anxiety but it quickly became clear it was more than that. He became increasingly paranoid and delusional, and eventually very verbally aggressive. He developed severe alcoholism and stopped working. I had to move out of home at the age of 20 because living there was unbearable and he was extremely verbally abusive towards me. About a year later the relationship ended after a physical altercation with my mum (it turns out things became increasingly physical after I moved out, but this was hidden from me).
Anyway, it's now a decade down the line and I'm pregnant with my first child. My mum has little/no contact with him directly, but does have occasional contact with some of his relatives. It seems like his mental health is as bad as ever, and from time to time he phones my mum and leaves her abusive answerphone messages or writes her strange letters. Anyway to get to the crux of the issue, my mum is still friends with two of his relatives on Facebook. She never sees them in person but says she messages with them from time to time to see how her ex is doing. I feel really uncomfortable with him knowing anything new about my life, and particularly anything about my baby. I don't even want him to know I've had a baby, and I certainly don't want him to know my baby's name or what he looks like, especially as he gets older and looks less like a generic baby. Am I being unreasonable to ask my mum not to post any pictures or info about my child to Facebook unless she deletes his relatives as friends? I know that asking this of her will really upset her, as she likes having contact with these people and will be worried it will offend them. But I can't shake the worry I have about this 😕 She's a bit of an avid Facebook user and oversharer anyway in my opinion, and so just not posting about the baby won't seem like a valid option for her. I'm worried about giving her an ultimatum... as you can imagine this whole topic has a lot of baggage and trauma for all of us and I have to tiptoe sensitively around it.