Husband’s redundancy

[Joneseygirl77]

I’m after some advice as I’m really struggling at the moment.
DH was made redundant in June with a 3mo package. He’s been been applying like mad
for roles and gone through his usual recruiter contacts. I’m in a stable job and we have a savings cushion which we wanted to use to pay off some of the mortgage.
I’m really struggling with it all though. I’m naturally a worrier and a planner so this combined with the past few months has tipped me over the edge. I’m really stressed with all- constant anxiety in my stomach/ unable to sleep and generally feeling off.
DH previous role was quite senior and he is willing to take a drop but hardly anything is coming through at the moment.
I’m so worried for the future and keep thinking he’s going to remain unemployed forever. Trying to keep it from him so he isn’t stressed but I ended up breaking down yesterday. Really don’t know why this is affecting me so much and I’m worried that I can’t seem to get any perspective on it all.
Any advice?

Your husband is doing all the right things. There just aren't a lot of jobs around. All you can do is address your own anxiety, and your first port of all for that is your GP. Working through your anxiety in general will give you a better quality of life, so it will be a worthwhile investment.

The economy will recover and there will be more jobs again. How long can you survive on your income/savings? That gives you time.

Is he running the house while you work? Anything he can do training-wise? Freelance opportunities? Business ideas? This is the point where it makes sense to take a few risks to try and get an income, even if less than before.

Yes, you need perspective. Although I understand it is very hard to acknowledge when your anxious. Also rational thinking is also a struggle.

If he doesn’t get a job your probably thinking you will be homeless with nowhere to live, that’s not really how it goes, your given time when you miss a mortgage payment and discussion starts to take place first. No one comes round, kicks you out and takes your keys from you, so your ok, you have more time than you realise.

Also, I imagine (like drug addicts 🤨) you just will find the money when you absolutely need too, you just do, so it will be ok.

You have a much, much higher chance of everything being fine than it all going sideways.

Take a deep breath, don’t try to relax, that never really works well I find, instead try to take this stressful opportunity to train yourself in how to cope and bring yourself back to you.

Also look on the bright side, he is trying to get a job, that’s better than him just not bothering, his on your side and his fighting your corner, it’s ok, you can’t ask for more than a best effort, it will be ok.

My husband has not had a job since March and it is very difficult. We dont receive any support because we had our house deposit sitting awaiting to buy a house so I went back to work in April with a 3 month old.

I get by knowing that he is trying so hard to get a job. I'm working 2 shifts a week and that pays for our bills but it's very tight. Whilst it sucks that we are so low income and receive only 6 months JSA (£75pw) I know that having that savings means I can always have food on the table for my kids.

Sorry, I can't add anything on he anxiety side but has your husband told his contacts on LinkedIn that he's looking for work? I've seen people get a job successfully through contacts, or contacts of contacts. Particularly at the senior end, people prefer to hire a known entity.

Secondly if he's looking for a step down, this can be harder than he thinks. I had a guy interview down for a manager role but it was clear that the role would be a step back. He needs to address that straight out of the blocks or people will think he'll leave when the market picks up. Reasons like "want to stay more hands-on" or whatever are fine.

OP I hear ya.
I was told a month ago that I'm being placed at risk. I am absolutely devastated and I cry most days about it. I've been going to bed absolutely exhausted and the minute the light goes out I'm wide awake. I take panic attacks day and night.

No advice, but a hand hold

I suffer from enduring anxiety but yours will be temporary as a reaction to a change in circumstances.

I would advise brisk walking, deep breathing, no alcohol, stretching out.

Contact your mortgage company and see about taking a break in payments. look to renegotiate bills.

Any chance you could be expecting?? My stress went thru roof when I fell pregnant ( didn’t know). Also, maybe take up some sport or something to ‘burn off’ your stress? Exercise bike/ rowing machine if you’re not a runner maybe? Good luck.

My memory of the job market, admittedly not during a pandemic, was that the summer months were notoriously slow. I certainly avoided recruiting this time of year for my team - senior staff/scientists.
I’m sure, come September, that there will be a lot more movement.

Summer has always been a terrible time for job searching. People are on holiday (even if it's a staycation), kids are off, so difficult for companies to assess their needs. Once September/October rolls around, everyone is back at work, closer to year end so firms can better assess their needs, more jobs will come up. It may be better if you accept he will not find anything in the next 6 weeks so you don't get your hopes up every day.

Thanks all for the hand holding.
Yes he has picked up a bit of consultancy work which he is doing this month. He’s also been back through contacts and made lots more contacts via LinkedIn and put on the open to work badge.
The recruiters he has spoken to have said his CV is really strong which is good but I’m worried as very little has come off the jobs he has applied for so far. Really tricky as his past 3 jobs have come via headhunters approaching him.
When I think rationally about it then I’m ok but I’m so worried about him not getting another job. I’ve seen 2 family members be made redundant from senior roles and they’ve not been able to find anything similar.
I think is what is worrying me the most and also my DH is a typical man and doesn’t talk about how he feels.
Not sure how much hand holding I can do as I’m so stressed about it all.

Op, I know that you are worried. Your dh is doing all the right things. Hopefully, something will come soon.

Maybe this is a good time to reassess your lives. Could you downsize, or move to a cheaper area, leaving a pot of money from your house? Could DH set up a freelance business? Is there some other job he's drawn to, even if it's not as well-paid?

The roles are there but it depends on his CV and how far out of his comfort zone he is willing to go.

It's awful op. My husband is at risk and it is a scary time
However, your husband may not be able to talk to you in dear of sparking off your anxiety. If you are as bad as you say then he may need to be the 'strong' one.

We've done several "doomsday" scenario type spreadsheets lately - I'm the main earner by a significant way but my job is also more vulnerable - I'm also pregnant with twins! We looked at all our outgoings and what could be cut in the event of redundancy. We already got rid of Sky a few months ago and only have 1 cheap car and are on the cheapest packages for everything we can. All spare money at the moment is diverted into a savings account in case we need it

Luckily I took out employment/redundancy insurance for £45/mth when we got married and I really don't know why more people don't do it - it pays out a certain amount for 12 months - enough to cover the mortgage and the 2 mins we have assuming DH also doesn't lose his job

Although if he did ironically we'd be better off as we'd get universal credit - even though he doesn't earn much now we still wouldn't be entitled to any UC if I lost my job 🤷‍♀️

Sept will be a more productive month - so many are away at the moment.

@GrumpyHoonMain that's not very helpful or accurate. The roles are not there. Vast majority of firms are not actively hiring and many are cost cutting and even thinking of making redundancies. Even safe sectors like law are seeing redudancies. Combined with it being summer which means even those looking to hire are not all in to be able to make a decision, means he won't get very far until autumn and it has nothing to do with his "comfort zone".

I know how you feel. DP was made redundant (no pay off as new to the company) in March. I wasnt working due to health reasons.

We have been living of savings since. Have about 1 months worth of money left. Hes having no luck with jobs as he had a very senior role in a specialist career and there are just no jobs out there. Even more junior roles if they pop up hes being knocked back for because hes too experienced!

I've managed to get a pt job, my income covers 1/4 of our monthly outgoings. We had the chat at the weekend about probably having to put our "forever home" that we bought last year and renovated on the Market at the end of the month and move into a small rented flat. If that happened I dont think we will ever recover financially and wont own our own home again.

Its crap, but we still have each other and our health. Its stressful and upsetting but we are doing everything within our power to fix it. It's just extremely bad luck we are in this position. Things could have been worse.

Your lucky you have some savings, i was made redundant in july, ive applied for any job i can find, been signed up to 2 agencies for 2 weeks now, not had 1 days work off them, we was struggling before i was made redundant, we are up to our eye balls in debt, i have no idea how i am going to pay just our rent next month, nevermind food and bills, my wife is going back to work in September but she wont get paid until the end of September!

I do appreciate there are roles out there and he is willing to go out of his comfort zone. He works in an area of business that spans over all industries so certainly not a case of him wanting to stick to a certain industry at all.
However I do wonder I feel there is an element of him being too senior for some roles and screening ruling him out due to him being very experienced.
I do get the economy runs in cycles too and nothing lasts forever but it’s just so hard to keep to that mantra at the moment.

Been there when my DH was made redundant and my reaction was exactly like yours. That was me howling like a baby in the financial advisers office, SO ANGRY at this hideous insult to DH's hard work loyalty and dedication.

You will mend from the shock and gaping wound you're feeling today,

Redundancy changed our life in good ways. It focussed our thinking on what we really wanted and would not compromise on. No to moving house or schools. Mortgage freedom; a new hard-nose attitude to employers, and the realisation of the high demand for specialists with very adaptable skillsets.

When DH;s company sacked 600 highly skilled people it hit national news and far from our fear of "flooding the field" that was the best publicity he could have had. Before he had time to apply for vacancies another company in an unrelated field headhunted him. Then another.

From then on, he looked out for number 1, worked exactly to contract and sidestepped all the crap. No more working late, taking work home, propping up incompetents, covering up idiots cock-ups, corporate loyalty, dress codes, wining and dining business boors. He could name his own terms, and did.

 Don't keep  discreetly quiet about DH's redundancy;  spread the news far and wide  that  he's available, flexible, experienced.. Decide your fixed priorities and keep your nerve. 

This is a new start, good luck and make the most of it.

@Worrierallthetime

Has the mortgage company not offered any assistance? Extending the mortgage holiday etc? What about universal credit to try and hold on to your house?

Someone said upthread about a mortgage holiday. Don't do it! The day might come when you genuinely can't pay your mortgage and if it does you can apply for a mortgage holiday then, they're not a coronavirus invention and have always been there the only difference is the banks are letting you self certify at the moment.

If you take one unnecessarily you'll end up in more debt for no reason and you will screw your chances of remortgaging or taking out a new mortgage in the short/medium term. (credit rating agencies don't decide who the banks lend to, the banks decide and its up to them what criteria they use). It's already started - people who took out a mortgage holiday because of corona are now facing difficulties with banks. 'good' article about it recently in the Times.

Sorry I'm rushing off so will let someone else do the hand holding, I do feel for you but DO NOT listen to anyone who tells you to take a mortgage holiday to 'ease the load'. If you can possibly pay your mortgage do so.