SAHM - I'm knackered

[Squashpocket]

I'm a sahm to my sons aged 3y and 2y and finding it hard work at the moment.

My 3 year old is...fairly intense. No matter how much I've tried he can't entertain himself at all. He was a clingy baby from birth and now he's 3 he's my shadow. He'll follow me around all day saying 'play with me' over and over or engaging in attention seeking behaviour (shouting, screaming, even hurting his brother). He's a bright boy and will engage in every activity I can throw at him, so to keep things running smoothly I lay on a series of fun and educational activities everyday. It works very well - the 3 year old is happy and learning and the 2 year old bumbles about playing with toys and doing the odd activity. Minimal fighting, screaming or snatching.

Problem is I'm knackered. It's like running a one woman pre-school with cooking, cleaning and shopping thrown in. I'm so bloody tired. The day starts at 6am and ends at 9pm, when I either collapse on the sofa or start prepping more activities for the next day 😭

Anyone else with a full on child with any advice? I've tried doing fewer activities during the day and trying to train him to play on his own, but he just can't. The kids end up fighting, destroying the house and we're all just unhappy. I used to do more play dates which helped, but we're not doing that at the moment due to COVID.

Your games and activities sound awesome. Snow on the train tracks? My lads would die of excitement at that. I wonder if he feels —knows— he won’t be able to come up with such awesome ideas himself? Maybe praise him for whatever little creativity he shows and just ‘notice’ what he’s done ‘oh I see you’ve built a ramp for your cars’ (resisting the urge to add to it and make it more awesome with a tunnel etc). Let his games be ‘enough’ and he’ll start to take pride in them. Your best efforts might be unintentionally blocking him from having ideas of his own.

Have you got a Tuff Tray? Would he entertain that laid out with various messy stuff on it?

That’s a really long day for toodlers. Do they nap? Mainly the 3 year old? Do you do a daily walk? From 6am till 9pm bloody hell im knackered too!! I surprised your children aren’t too.

Can you get a few sand timers, start playing then say play for 1 min while I nip to the loo/tidy up from lunch etc then extend.

Also it won't be long before younger child will play with him surely? My youngest was a great playmate from 2.5

Small slide is great for the garden. We chose that over a swing (small garden so couldn't have both) since it didn't require parental interaction.

Op I promise he will play with lego on his own one day. I'm speaking from experience. He just needs to age a bit. You will get some peace one day. Hang in there. Your doing an amazing job. Just keep swimming

Gosh you must be exhausted. You need to lower your standards and let him watch TV for 2-3 hours a day. It won’t kill him, he’s a bright kid anyway. He’ll be fine and you can get an hour to yourself!

You sound so great zoP.
Lord, early bed times saved my flipping life when they were that young🙏....I was a huge stickler though.

A great tip at that age that i was given was to set up a little obstacle course for them and every time they ran passed the starting "point" was to hand them a button or a jelly....
Worked a treat. I was happy to shout encouragement as they did this and totally wore them out.....
My darling husband mentioned their teeth once...I love him to bits.....but I swear to god the look he got from me I imagine shortened his life....he was travelling a lot at the time!!!!!🙄

He's a very clever man....he read my face so well and our marriage has survived 🤔🤨😁

My DD was like this until she started school. When she was about 2 and dropped her nap we moved tv time to after lunch so we all got an hour of quiet time. Maybe you could do that and your partner could read stories for the hour in the evening instead if you don't want more tv.

It's your choice but tbh if you've decided against nursery because of covid you might need to allow a bit more tv (2 hours a day maybe) in place just to retain your sanity. It might not be your ideal choice but with the restrictions it might be the only way to get you a break.

I'm certain he's going to love school so much. I think at the moment I'm trying to replicate the nursery experience, but I'm not woman enough he's all these fantastic things that I'm not - sociable, competitive, physical, loud. I think I'm going to spend his childhood trying to keep up.

My oldest has always been like this. She is 7 now and still can’t play on her own, she is just rubbish at it. She won’t even go upstairs by herself and it is so draining. My middle daughter is so different! I didn’t realise how full on my first was until she arrived! She will happily play make believe alone for ages and almost prefers me not to join in. Anyway, I started to get a bit stricter with my first DD. I just say no, mummy’s busy right now you’ll have to play outside while I do this and then we can do a puzzle/craft/lol dolls or whatever. She sulks about it but if I stay strong she will eventually go off and find something to do. I think they need to learn to occupy themselves otherwise they’ll constantly expect it from you (and others!). Pre Covid we would always go to the park or soft play or something which would be minimum actual involvement from me so I could have a bit of brain space.

Kids are different- you can’t force or train them into wanting to play alone. My eldest is such a social butterfly- he adores company and makes friends with 5 mins of being at a park! Youngest on other hand happy to play on his own for ages. It’s a really hard ages and they are so close in age. You’re doing great. Don’t feel bad about popping on a film when you need a break. Honestly this lockdown has nearly been the end of me constantly trying to think of things to do and keep them both happy. Fingers crossed eldest will be back in preschool soon

@mumof2exhausted my 2 sound the same as yours. Ds1 scans the park for any boy under 8 and is straight in making friends. Ds2 prefers to keep to himself so far.

It's helping massively hearing I'm not alone.

I have no advice but goodness that sounds exhausting! I have 3 children and I honestly can't remember if I have ever played with them. I'd rather eat my own eyes that get on the floor and play trains/dolls/figures.

I just haven't done it as I hate it so much. I did take them out loads and done craft stuff with them as I do enjoy that.

I know this post sounds awful! They have all grown up OK though and seem to like me!

I had two of similar ages and they were each others playmates, surely they must be playing together as such.
Mine were also always in bed for 7pm, dinner, bath and bedtime / story.