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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to a ‘party’ for my birthday?

41 replies

JulietteLeGall · 10/08/2020 09:08

It is my birthday on Sunday. A friend has kindly organised a small get together for the Saturday night. DH has said I would be selfish to go as it will mean I will be hungover on my actual birthday and it will ruin it for the DC.

AIBU if I go?

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 10/08/2020 09:10

How many people at this get-together? Are you aware it's still only 2 households to meet inside, and up to 6 individuals from different households can meet outside?

Aside from that, can't you just compromise in that you go but just only have a couple of drinks? You don't have to get drunk surely?

SnuggyBuggy · 10/08/2020 09:11

Do you need to drink so much you'll be hungover?

LittleOwl153 · 10/08/2020 09:12

What are you like 'hung over'? Assuming you don't mope around the house claiming a headache all day I think your DH is being a tad controlling and you should go and have fun! How old are the kids - is it that he doesn't want to care for them for the evening?

BarbaraofSeville · 10/08/2020 09:12

Saturday daytime - family day out for Mum's birthday

Saturday night - party with friends

Sunday daytime - DH makes you breakfast in bed and takes the DC out for the day while you relax and get over Saturday night.

Everybody's happy.

gamerchick · 10/08/2020 09:13

@BarbaraofSeville

Saturday daytime - family day out for Mum's birthday

Saturday night - party with friends

Sunday daytime - DH makes you breakfast in bed and takes the DC out for the day while you relax and get over Saturday night.

Everybody's happy.

Perfect Grin
Boom45 · 10/08/2020 09:13

It's your birthday! Why cant you have a few drinks with friends and then a lie in the next day? I mean, dont get so blasted that the whole weekend is a write off but it's not selfish to see friends and let your hair down a bit on your birthday.

GetUpAgain · 10/08/2020 09:15

Assuming you don't have a drinking problem, your DH sounds awful.

Though I did wonder if this is a reverse and its your DH birthday and he has a track record of getting bladdered and wrecking family plans for the next day...

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 10/08/2020 09:20

There isn't a law that says you have to drink enough alcohol to suffer a hangover the next day.

If that will be the case I can understand why your DH thinks it is selfish. It will ruin the day for your DC and will set a bad example for them who probably want to give their mum a nice birthday.

If your plan would be to get pissed at the party then how are you going to be in control of your behaviour to ensure you social-distance?

Pebblexox · 10/08/2020 09:21

Is he saying you're being selfish because you'll have a hangover? Or is it that you had family plans, that perhaps you having a hangover would ruin? Just trying to figure out why he'd be such an ass over what your plans are.
Either way yanbu, and you need to tell him to back down. It's your birthday to spend how you want.

Original poster
JulietteLeGall · 10/08/2020 09:22

I can cope with a hangover. No drinking problem but will likely have a few as it’s been a while! The children are over 10 and pretty self sufficient.

OP posts:
Original poster
JulietteLeGall · 10/08/2020 09:23

@BarbaraofSeville

Saturday daytime - family day out for Mum's birthday

Saturday night - party with friends

Sunday daytime - DH makes you breakfast in bed and takes the DC out for the day while you relax and get over Saturday night.

Everybody's happy.

That sounds amazing - but would never happen !
OP posts:
minnieok · 10/08/2020 09:30

Why does going out mean a hangover? Go enjoy but don't drink heavily

Original poster
JulietteLeGall · 10/08/2020 09:44

I usually have a hangover whether its 3 or 6 glasses, but I don’t mope with it. Full fat coke and paracetamol keeps me going.

OP posts:
Original poster
JulietteLeGall · 10/08/2020 09:56

KitKat - all within guidelines DW!

OP posts:
ddl1 · 10/08/2020 10:00

It's not unreasonable, so long as there are no more than 6 people and it's outdoors. It's actually a good idea if the dc don't grow up with the idea that everything to do with a birthday HAS to be done ON THE DAY ITSELF. However: I do think it's U to expect to drink so much at a party that you'll have a hangover the next day. Especially right now, when heavy drinking may interfere with perceiving a situation well enough to practice appropriate social distancing.

ddl1 · 10/08/2020 10:02

Or is it your dh who thinks that party=hangover? In which case, he's the one who's U!

Mrsjayy · 10/08/2020 10:03

So your husband doesn't want you to celebrate your birthday with your friends because he thinks you will spoil your actual birthday for the children, is that right?

Original poster
JulietteLeGall · 10/08/2020 10:07

In a nutshell Mrsjayy

I’m not expecting to be hungover - he is expecting me to. I might have a couple, I might have a couple more. I’m not planning on getting sloshed but not ruling it out as depends hope the night goes...however, usually it’s more than a couple when we get together.

OP posts:
TheAquaticDuchess · 10/08/2020 10:12

How many people at this get-together? Are you aware it's still only 2 households to meet inside, and up to 6 individuals from different households can meet outside?

Do you think there will ever come a day where a person can post on mumsnet without a prefect breathlessly leaping in to remind them of lockdown rules?

mum11970 · 10/08/2020 10:12

Unless anyone knows where the OP lives how about you quit trying to give advice on how many people can be at the party and just assume the OP knows the rules in her area.
OP it’s your birthday, celebrate it how you wish, it’s not your husband or children’s call.

Mrsjayy · 10/08/2020 10:38

That's just odd @JulietteLeGalla pp said that children need to know not everything revolves around them your husband also needs to learn that too
So what if you are a bit hungover if you cope your husband is being ridiculous.

SteelyPanther · 10/08/2020 10:40

Tell him to poke off and that you are going to the party.

Original poster
JulietteLeGall · 10/08/2020 12:20

Would I be being selfish if I do go?

OP posts:
Splitsunrise · 10/08/2020 12:23

I honestly don’t really get how you’d be selfish. It’s YOUR birthday?! Does he usually have controlling tendencies in everyday life?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 10/08/2020 12:26

You’re not being selfish at all!
Does your husband have anything planned on Sunday? Like a day out?