To go to a ‘party’ for my birthday?

[JulietteLeGall]

It is my birthday on Sunday. A friend has kindly organised a small get together for the Saturday night. DH has said I would be selfish to go as it will mean I will be hungover on my actual birthday and it will ruin it for the DC.

AIBU if I go?

Gosh. It is your birthday and it sounds like a night of fun
Go for it. Big glass of water when you get home and you will be grand

up to 6 individuals from different households can meet outside?

Its actually up to 30, from any number of households outside.

(assuming not in any of the areas experiencing tighter restrictions)

'Would I be being selfish if I do go?'

Why? What's selfish about it? Is it your going somewhere without him that your dh really minds?

Funny how caught up people are on the 6 people outdoors... yet would sit inside a restaurant surrounded by total strangers. Blows my mind!

Ah that all sounds great fun, OP 😊 the couple of times we've seen friends since lockdown have given us a real boost so I say go for it! Sounds like you're more than capable of cracking on with the day after. Have a fab time!

Why would you ruin YOUR birthday for the dc!? If you were the worst hungover person ever and it was one of their birthdays then of course it would be unreasonable to go out, but it's your day!!
Your dh is being awful, does he normally make a fuss when you want to go out? I think it's so sad you say he'd never take the kids out and leave you to lie in or do whatever on your birthday, if that's what you want to do, then you definitely should be able to. But that should be any body weekend, not even saved for birthday.
I hope things are OK for you and him generally and that you have a great birthday whatever you end up doing x

I also wonder if you husband and children have surprise plans for the Sunday ?

@KitKat1985

How many people at this get-together? Are you aware it's still only 2 households to meet inside, and up to 6 individuals from different households can meet outside?

Aside from that, can't you just compromise in that you go but just only have a couple of drinks? You don't have to get drunk surely?

No it's not.

The 2 households/6 people thing is guidance (phrased as "should" on the government website)

You can have private gatherings (indoors or out) of up to 30 people by law (phrased as "must").

Regardless of social distancing rules or how hungover you might or might not be - your birthday is for you, not your kids, so do what you want.

I celebrate my birthday how I want. What my DD wants is not prioritised over what I want for my birthday.

In my family the birthday person decides what they want to do on their birthday re: parties/celebrations, meal/restaurant choice etc and everyone else has to suck it up. If I want to spend my birthday on my own with no party I can equally if I want to hire a venue and invite 200 people, and can afford that, I can do that too. The only exceptions is for practical reasons- eg my cousin is highly allergic to peanuts but my favourite Chinese restaurant can't guarantee no cross contamination in the kitchen as they use peanut oil in a lot of dishes so I would never insist on going to that restaurant for my birthday if it meant excluding them.

I suspect what he means is that if you're out of action it will ruin his day because he'll have to be in charge.

You go out and have fun, it's your birthday, one day a year you're allowed to put yourself first for a change.

Thanks everyone. Not meaning this as a drip feed but he has been emotionally abusive in the past and I felt this was controlling but sometimes can be oversensitive because of our past. I didn’t want to mention this first as wanted opinions on this alone IYSWIM.

You are not drip feeding at all even with out extra information every one is in agreement your husband is being at best an idiot.

To be fair, you didn't need to provide the additional info - its patently obvious that he is emotionally abusive from your OP.

No, you wouldn't be selfish to go. But you would be selfish to get drunk enough to get a hangover.

It depends whether he had planned anything with the kids. If my DH wanted to go out with his friends and get drunk the night before his birthday and loll around the next day that would be fine of course.

But if we had planned a trip, and he knew that, and then decided to get drunk the night before, I would be disappointed because he's grumpy when he's hungover.

Yanbu. Your dh is a dick who doesn’t even want to look after his own kids for a single day! HTH.