Don’t give 9 year olds phones

[TomNook]

And expect them to be socially competent with texting.

It’s as simple as that. They’re not, they barely are at year 7 let alone younger.
An iPad to game on - whatever. Not phones.

Agree to a point. Until other kids upset them. Phones are a way of reaching into their home/ personal space aren’t they?

Boys definitely less bad but sometimes enjoy girls beef

Totally agree what 9 year old needs a phone
Maybe an only child that would otherwise have no contact with any other children during lockdown and can keep in touch with their friends, just as all their other friends are doing. Just a thought

My 8yo has a phone and so does her best friend. DD2 got hers about a month or so into lockdown because she was missing her friend desperately. It's been a life saver for her, they've managed to keep in touch and have fun all the way through and DD2 knows that if when school is running normally, the SIM card goes.

My 9 year old has a phone, he plays out in the street, I leave him at cricket training by himself he goes for walks with a disabled relative. He needs to be able to contact me, is that alright by you?

My 9 year old has a phone, it had relevant restrictions in place and its none of your fucking business anyway.

So far we've had no issues. It's been a way for DC to keep in contact with friends over lockdown. However
DC doesn't have a smartphone, just one that makes/receives calls and texts
Generally there are phone calls rather than texts, and 90% are within earshot.

XiCi this is exactly our situation - an only child. Who has several friends that are also only children, with parents working f/t.

I disagree completely. We are constantly teaching (I hope) our children how to behave - encouraging manners, learning when to talk and when not to, to be respectful to others etc. That same process needs to continue when they are using phones as otherwise, by the time they have them, these rules are not set in stone for them and they'll find it difficult.

In our case, we have a few rules in place:

1. I can look at his phone whenever I want to see what is being said and done.
2. He cannot give out his contact details outside of people he knows in real life. There was an incident where he was added to a group chat by another child who had added some people they knew from Fortnite. DS was immediately made to exit the group and I contacted the other child's mum who had the entire group removed as it turned out she was 100% on the same page. DS did not object. In fact, he flagged it to me as soon as it happened as he realised it was outside the scope of what's allowed.
3. We discuss any comments etc as and when necessary. Helping him to understand what is and is not appropriate. He has a friend who whatsapp's him at 6am every morning and then gets annoyed that DS doesn't respond. We've discussed that the friend is behaving inappropriately and that early morning messages, especially demanding a response, are not okay. So DS happily ignores them (when he finally wakes up). [The same child's mum once made a comment to me about DS ignoring her son as being, "but it's okay, he knows what DS is like." To which I responded that we are certainly not going to be encouraging DS to be glued to his phone 24/7 and if he's doing something else when his friend messages and he doesn't respond for 8 hours, so be it. On that particular occasion, it was particularly relevant as DS had been spending a wonderful day out with DH first then running around the garden.]

4, We have had multiple conversations about him spamming people - usually extended family. He gets it now and in each case, we contacted the individuals directly to apologise and explain that we're working with DS to understand appropriate messaging behaviour. They were all understanding and appeared to see their role as extended family members to help contribute to his learning on this.

1. He completely understands about being kind. However, I concede that this may be at least partly his personality. I am not convinced that DD, when it's her turn, will get this as much . She's not a bad kid, but DS is particularly empathetic and kind which is noticed and commented on regularly by school, sports group leaders and other parents so I suspect this one has been easier for us with him. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get to it with DD.

I totally agree with @BlingLoving 's post above.

Kids need phones imo when they start going out alone. The phones don't need internet connection though.

Having said that, if parents want their kids to have internet connected phones, I don't see the problem as long as they're keeping a close eye on them.

My DD is almost 9 and no chance is she getting a phone. None of her friends have phones either. What does a 9 year old need a mobile phone for?

I think it’s grim that they would have phoned.

I agree with Bling that if you want them to be sensible with phones in year 7, you need to start "training" them before then. All forms of communication have an etiquette and can be misused (remember prank landline calls and looking up rude words in the (paper) dictionary?)).

YABU very unreasonable for:

(1) starting a thread just to hammer home your point - made on another thread - that YOU disagree with 9 year olds having phones.

(2) apparently failing to understand that people's circumstances and lifestyles and approaches to parenting vary. There will be some 9 year olds in possession of phones who are not being supervised and are using them in ways that could hurt themselves or others. There will be some 9 years old using them very responsibly and learning the social expectations of phone calls and messages, so by the time the high school madness starts they are already well-versed in how to use their phone appropriately and well-used to approaching their parent for trusted advice if they aren't sure about something.

And if you can't see that many 9 year olds who wouldn't, under normal circumstances, have a phone just MIGHT have been given them recently because it was their only way to communicate with another child for over three months while their parents worked full time from home, you are not actually thinking this through very well.

ODFOD

The only difference with mobile phones is you can misbehave quicker and to more people simultaneously.

Thanks for telling me what to do.

My 9yos have iPods not phones but they can text. They're civilised.

I got my then 9 year old a phone. When she goes out playing with friends I can contact her easily.

My 9yo DD was much happier once I got her a phone during lockdown because she could call her friends more and arrange to chat over zoom with them independently of me organising it. No WhatsApp, no internet.

Meh, my 9 year old had one since he was 7. As did his brother who is now 18.

explain the dangers, monitor and set restrictions.

And if you don't want yours to have one just move on, your opinion wasn't asked for or needed.

Don’t worry about what other people do with their kids. It’s nothing to do with you

That's not true, though, is it? Because as soon as all the other kids have phones, your kids get pressure. I was horrified before lockdown when my 10 year old niece stayed with me - she left her phone in the bedroom with me (her mums' rules) and it buzzed alerts the whole night through, it's terrible for young kids' sleep, and their mental health to be always on like this.

It's working out fine for us. Any tricky situations have been dealt with and we are all learning from it. Dd has learnt lots from negotiating this mine field. I'd rather she did it now while I am watching everything she is doing

What? Thanks for telling me how to raise my child - despite the fact having a phone during lockdown meant my child could keep in touch with her dad, her brother, other family and friends without having to constantly use my phone. it’s not a blanket rule for all btw in case you didn’t realise that’s how life works. And she can send voice memos, so that makes life easier.

You do you boo, I'm happy my child is able to have regular contact with his friends. His is via an iPad but if he didn't already have this, I'd have certainly given him an old handset to use over lockdown.

My 8 year old has had an iPad for two years, he was using it to text his grandparents, god parents, aunts, etc... since lockdown he's been texting and FaceTiming friends and cousins too. I have no problem with this, if I hear anything unkind being said on FaceTime I'll intervene much the same as I would if I overheard meanness on a play date.

I totally agree OP.

My eldest (10) borrows my phone to keep in touch with her friends during the summer hols. I am messaged every day by her friends "hello?" "Are you there?" "Can I call?" I've had to mute the chat.

They dont understand the etiquette at all.