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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU by going back to the pub.

29 replies

CrabtreeEstate · 08/08/2020 19:59

Just to say, this was pre-Covid.

I booked a self catering accom, in a medium size city. The apartment was on the 2nd floor of the building with a pub on the ground floor.

DP and I went out for a couple of drinks to this pub, it was more than a couple for him, he got a extremely drunk. He told me he was struggling so I helped him back upstairs to our room, made sure he was ok in bed and said I was going back down to the pub. (It was around 9pm by this time but I wasn't tired), he started mumping and moaning, saying he didn't want me to go- tried to convince me he had been spiked, and he felt it was safer if I stayed with him.

I reassured him he was fine, waited until he had fallen asleep, then went back downstairs to the pub. He says he woke up some 30mins later and thinks its unforgivable that I left him "in his hour of need".

Was this unreasonable?

OP posts:
FinnyStory · 08/08/2020 20:29

Drunk to the extent if incapable by 9pm? Unless this is normal for him, I think I'd have stayed to check on him. I'm also not sure where the fun is in sitting in a strange city pub on your own., it sounds like there's a much bigger story here.

heartsonacake · 08/08/2020 20:30

YABU. I couldn’t have left my husband in that state and I think it was really selfish of you to do so.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/08/2020 20:31

Dp and I have a motto we go out together we leave together neither of us would dream of going back without the other.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 08/08/2020 20:33

Did you go back by yourself? To sit on your own or were there friends there?

TheAquaticDuchess · 08/08/2020 20:35

Did you go back to the pub by yourself, leaving him really drunk? I personally find that really weird, surely you weren’t having fun on your own in a random pub with your husband ill upstairs? Were there other people there you were joining?

I think he was unreasonable for getting that drunk (assuming he hadn’t actually been spiked - do you think that was a possibility? Does he often get really drunk?) but the decent way to behave would have been to stay with him and then talk avoid his drinking once sober.

Horehound · 08/08/2020 20:35

I don't think I'd have left my partner.
Were you with other people that you wanted to go back down?

katy1213 · 08/08/2020 20:35

Self-inflicted. Of course you're not unreasonable. And you were only downstairs. Are you supposed to sit by his bedside while he snores it off? Hour of need indeed!

Horehound · 08/08/2020 20:35

But at the same time if this was ages ago and your partner is still going on about it, how do they want it resolved? Seems a bit petty

Egghead68 · 08/08/2020 20:36

You were unreasonable to leave him but he was unreasonable to get that drunk.

NewKittyMeow · 08/08/2020 20:37

I can’t imagine going back out and leaving DH like that, and he wouldn’t leave me. For one thing, why would you even want to?

katy1213 · 08/08/2020 20:37

Is it 1950 that so many people seem shocked at a woman sitting in a pub by herself?

Butchyrestingface · 08/08/2020 20:41

Was this unusual behaviour for him? Answer to that question will influence response.

I think I might have been concerned about him vomiting and choking on it.

Queenoftheashes · 08/08/2020 20:43

I would absolutely have gone back to the pub. Why should your evening be ruined because he got too drunk? I really don’t see the problem. I’ve never needed anyone else around to watch me vomit.

louleey · 08/08/2020 20:47

@Queenoftheashes

I would absolutely have gone back to the pub. Why should your evening be ruined because he got too drunk? I really don’t see the problem. I’ve never needed anyone else around to watch me vomit.
Pretty much this!
Nottherealslimshady · 08/08/2020 20:53

I wouldn't be happy if DH left me alone so I wouldn't leave him alone either.

Tavannach · 08/08/2020 20:55

If you got so drunk you thought you'd been spiked but your DH left you alone in a hotel room so that he could go back to the pub I'd say he was BU. So unless your husband is regularly dead drunk by 9pm I think you were BU.

saltycat · 08/08/2020 20:57

I'd say he should grow up a bit, and suffer the consequences of his actions. Sounds like a whiny baby to me.

I had to put a friend in the recovery position a few years ago in case she got sick, but that was it. Off I went again to my enjoyable party.

There is only so much you can do. And it is a lesson also, we are in no way responsible for the actions of others. Do what you can, but let them at it.

saltycat · 08/08/2020 20:59

Spiked drinks are an excuse for the totally drunk too. Wasn't me it was the spiker. Hmm.

HeyAsdaIAintGonBeYourBitch · 08/08/2020 20:59

I think, if he does this a lot, that's another, bigger problem. If not, then I actually would've believed him when he said he thought he'd been spiked. I know a few guys who have been spiked. It definitely happens and can be very scary if it happens to you.

What made you so sure he hadn't been spiked and who did you sit with in the bar?

Splitsunrise · 08/08/2020 21:01

Context is everything... does he do this a lot? Or a one off? Unless he’d ruined the night or really pissed me off somehow I can’t think that I’d leave my DP in that state

blacktop · 08/08/2020 21:02

This was months ago? Why does it matter?

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 08/08/2020 21:05

I think it depends on the degree of drunkenness and how he handles his alcohol. If he couldnt speak/ walk and was being sick then maybe you should have stayed and checked he wasnt choking on his own vomit. If he just felt a bit like the room was spinning but was making sense, I'm not sure what help you could have been lying next to him listening to him snore

LtJudyHopps · 08/08/2020 21:08

In my relationship my DP isn’t a big drinker so I’d know it was self inflicted. I’d go back downstairs rather than sit and watch him sleep at 9pm...
I’d expect him to do the same tbf though, why do I need someone to watch me embarrass myself throwing up or asleep catching flies?!

Myneighboursnorlax · 08/08/2020 21:09

I feel like the answers would be a lot different if it was a woman saying she thought her drink had been spiked but her DH left her to go back to the pub. I don’t think people would be saying she was a “whiny baby” and some of the other assumptions being made here about the husband.

The OP hasn’t said whether this was out of character or not, so without the extra context then I’d say it was unreasonable to leave him.

bigchris · 08/08/2020 21:11

Don't get these replies at all !

You were on holiday , who wants to sit in the dark in case drunk partner needs help getting to the loo to throw up at 9pm!

Why ruin the evening for both of you, and yes I sit in pubs alone, I don't need a man to enjoy a glass of wine while reading or browsing mumsnet