Please talk me out of handling my notice in

[QuestionableMouse]

Really really sick of my job right now.

My boss is awful and petty and keeps pulling me up on stupid things (example - my lace broke yesterday at work. I had a blue pair in some shoes in the car so switched them to finish my shift. He knew why but had a go at me because the laces weren't black. He's also just emailed me to 'remind me not to wear trainers at work.' I'm wearing Sketchers safety shoes.

I have enough saving to be comfortable for four months and will be starting a MA (with the associated finance) in September. While the income is nice, I'm not reliant on it at the moment. Leaving would mean losing some perks such as private health insurance but I've been eligible to use it for seven years and never have.

I dread going in. Absolutely dread it. I sat in the car before shift the other day and felt like throwing up.

The email today was the last straw and I honestly feel like handing my notice in. I'm so so sick of the place and the horrible petty people who work there. But I'm also equally aware of the current situation and it's a secure job that I've had for just over ten years.

If you are going to leave be strategic. Go in, nod smile say yessir to all his BS. In the meantime max out your use of all benefits. Get any niggling health problems solved etc.

It may help you reframe the situation in your own mind to how you are doing the job solely for your benefit and so the manager’s opinion is irrelevant.

I had an absolutely vile manager and I went off with stress before handing my notice in.

Walking out of that building knowing I was never going back was the best feeling!

@Ineedaduvetday

Sketchers safety shoes do look like trainers to be fair.

Blue laces - if you knew the rule was black only, why not tie a knot in your black pair if it was just for the rest of the shift? If he will pick up up on every little detail, don't give him a chance to pull you down.

Are YOU the OP’s manager??

I'm sympathetic and think if it's affecting you, you should leave.

However, I also think that while I understand the point re sketchers, if they look like trainers it's not weird that he asked if there's a strict requirement re clothing and footwear. Also, if there have been issues between you before, it's likely that he sent the email so it's all in writing. Personally, I'd have left the blue laces go on this occasion, but it's hard to tell based on what other issues the two of you have had previously.

OP,
I also think you should go off sick with stress and not make any rash decisions.

Making a rash decision is a result of your stress.
You are there a long time.
Ring in sick and figure out a plan.

Do not take action under such pressure.

No job or workplace should make you feel like this. Your health is suffering and that is wrong.
I have been in your shoes and it's horrible. I took time off with workplace stress - after dissolving in tears at work and running out. I was referred to occupational health quickly and they helped me see I had choices. They suggested some adjustments at work to help but for me the employee/employer relationship had broken down irretrievably and I eventually left. This was my choice after I'd allowed myself time and space to think rationally about it. It's never affected my ability to get work and actually made me more selective about what companies I'd work for. You've given 10 years service to your employer and so you deserve support and help with your issues.
Big companies usually have tonnes of mental health support, do they have an employee's assistance programme? Give them a call.
Don't suffer in silence and hope it will go away, please get help to make the right choice.

I know the job market is probably awful at the moment, but could you hang on for a few weeks and see if you can find something else to go to? Having said that, my advice would be 100% leave if you can afford to, I've been in a position where a job affected my mental health and it just isn't worth it. You especially don't want the stress of that on top of studying for an MA! Good luck with it!

Hand your notice in. Life is too short. Nothing worse than being in a job you hate. Id rather be on half the money in a job I loved.

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Today 15:23 JoandLily

Hand your notice in. Life is too short. Nothing worse than being in a job you hate. Id rather be on half the money in a job I loved.

This. Totally agree.

I used to put up with this in my teens and twenties. Honestly, life is too, too short.

Email back 'Thank you for your email. As you know, I do not wear trainers at work, I wear BSwhatever Safety Shoes'. If you can think of any particular Health & Safety breaches that are going on, stick in a 'However, whilst we are discussing Health & Safety At Work, I have noticed that... and would like to draw it to your attention'. If they don't have enough qualified First Aiders on shift, point it out and state that you are willing to undergo the three day training course. Anything that they could pay for and might benefit you in the long run, suggest it.

Then rinse your health insurance, take lots of time off for appointments/tests and generally cultivate an attitude of 'I do my job and that's it'.

Not actually giving a shit because you could walk out in the middle of a shift is remarkably freeing and, for some reason, as soon as managers get the feeling that you don't need the job that much, they tend to get far politer to you - it's the people they think are desperate for the money that they are utter shits to. Makes it far easier to get your legal breaks that way, too.

That got me through to redundancy. No matter how much they bugged me and whimpered about dedication, I did as much as I was required to the best of my ability because I had my eyes on the lump sum. Almost everybody else walked out before the final date, which meant they lost thousands (and was probably the intention of the employer).

I found myself in that sort of situation earlier in the year. I took a couple of weeks off for stress, found the stress more or less disappeared once I decided I wasn't going back. I actually decided to tell them I was sueing for constructive dismissal and potentially personal injury. This was a very difficult situation, and I didn't feel it was my fault. They agreed enough to allow me to go on garden leave for my notice period, and pay me a fairly reasonable compensation payment.

But it is probably the hardest time I've ever had workwise and I still haven't found another job. I don't regret it, but I would not advise it unless you are finding it impossible to go in.

Are you in a union, or professional association? Talk to someone if you can.

No union or professional association.

I've been basically working to rule but I hate that too. I miss having a job I enjoy and actually want to do well.

Manager now wants to 'inspect' (his phrasing, not mine) my shoes on my next shift. I'm starting to feel a bit like I've gone back to primary school.

If you've been there for 10 years then start looking for a job with another fast food chain of restaurant or pub then quit. It shouldn't be as difficult with your experience. Life is too short to be in a job where you are treated badly. JFDI.

Is there any chance he's trying to get you to resign to avoid redundancy payments? (It sounds like you have some workplace perks if you have health insurance.)

@QuestionableMouse

No union or professional association.

I've been basically working to rule but I hate that too. I miss having a job I enjoy and actually want to do well.

Manager now wants to 'inspect' (his phrasing, not mine) my shoes on my next shift. I'm starting to feel a bit like I've gone back to primary school.

Print out a copy of the safety specs and hand that over at the same time and no wearing socks with FUCK OFF woven into the pattern . I am assuming that the position requires you to wear them?

Yeah, we have to wear non slip shoes which mine are.

Just checked and there's nothing in the guidelines about lace colour at all 😂

I'd fire an email saying what you were wearing, why you had blue laces and what would he suggest is appropriate footwear.

I don't think he's trying to force me to quit to avoid redundancy - I don't think there's much chance of redundancy happening as the restaurant is busy.

Life is far too short to be unhappy and if you don't need the money... just leave!

Why make yourself ill?

If it's a chain could you move to another branch? Or work shifts when he's not there?
I wouldn't fancy job hunting at the moment & learning a new job/new processes/new colleagues alongside your MA with no job security from length of service would make me anxious but then I am risk averse.
I would smile, nod and park him in the tosser category in my head & ignore him but it's easy to think what you would do when you are not in the situation

Just leave. Despite what is happening there are jobs out there. Yes with many applicants etc etc but don’t be fooled into thinking you will never find work. Sort your finances and leave. If this starts to affect your mental health you run the risk of that being a barrier to you finding a job too. So leave now and channel your anger and frustration into finding something better.Good luck QM!

Is your boss on leave at any time before you leave in September? A few more days without them may help.

Ring in sick and give yourself an immediate break.
@Mitzik has great advice if you could do this.

Whatever don't resign when you feel like this.

Go to your GP.
He may be trying to bully you out.
Get advice from ACAS? and suit yourself.

It amazes me when people advocate going off sick- most entry level jobs in food, retail, care etc don't pay sick pay. The qualification rules for SSP are limited and it doesn't pay much anyway. In some businesses the first three days are unpaid.