Is this an acceptable routine for the holidays?

[juliantwo]

I have 2 ds aged 9 and 6.

It just feels like we have been at home for such a long time and it's getting harder and harder to motivate them in the holidays.

My non-negotiables are:

Sit down meal at the table x3 a day
Reading practice for 30 mins a day
One outdoor activity ie walk or bike ride per day, whatever the weather. For at least an hour, depending on where we go.

I try to encourage them to play in the garden, play games like Dobble, uno, etc which they do quite happily.

The rest of the time, ALL they want to do is minecraft. They watch minecraft videos on you tube and then go On the switch and recreate stuff.

Should I be trying to limit screen time more? Give them more chores? It's just so hard to think of more ways to occupy them. We have two whole scrapbooks of crafting activities they did during proper lockdown and I feel totally spent of ideas and motivation because it was hard back then.

We'd usually meet up With friends but people either seem to be away or a bit cautious about meeting up. We have sometimes met friends for walks.

I am a teacher but do have bits and pieces of work to do in preparation for sept and we are also supposed to be moving house soon so I am trying to do some decluttering and packing.

I'm really feeling the minecraft guilt!

Yes I know that, I was responding to PP

And your standards aren’t “lower” than mine. They’re different.

i just knew you were going to be a teacher!

have you asked them what they’d like to do? they might have some good ideas

OP, sounds fine.
Minecraft is beyond dull, but they love it.
I have a son of 20 that sometimes plays with 8 good friends when they are feeling lazy.
The videos are like watching paint dry and are harmless too, just mind numbing IMO, including the voices of You tubers that make me want to self harm.

Keep the reading up though every day for even 5-10 minutes.
Short and regular is great for encouraging reading.
Captain Underpance is a nice fun series that boys really enjoy.

One thing that served my children very well when they were very young was writing a short journal every day for 5-10 minutes, to keep up penmanship.

Holidays are to be happy. We don't have any routine. Why setting 30 minute reading? Why seat down for 3 meals? I'm happy with eat what you want and do what you want. Once home we aren't on holiday and order returns.
We have a 14 year old.

I agree about reading, not necessarily 30 minutes but having that dedicated time. I know a lot of my friends are adamant the summer holidays are for their children (and then) relaxing and think anything schoolwork related is like a punishment! I’m just quietly getting on with doing reading most days and bits of mental maths here and there plus a bit of writing letters or in a diary of the holiday. No way when they go back in September do I want the stress of them finding it hard to adjust. When you’re children are up for at least 12 hours, I don’t see the harm in a bit of practise.

Sounds a good routine to me. A picnic in the garden every so often is a novelty so that goes down well here. I'm doing a reading book every day with my little one and a little bit of phonics, only 15 minutes a day. My son gets bored in the garden, so I got some water bombs and paddling pool for hot days and he loves them. I also take indoor toys outside for a 'change of scenery'. I set my teen the odd challenge and they get a monetary reward when they complete it, it gets them off their phone for a bit

My children love building box - forts. If you have space and can get some of those big boxes from a self storage place, it's a great time filler!

@BlueJag
Did you see the ages of the children before posting?

You’re doing well OP.

I have 3ds 9 7 4. They have to do 30 mins guitar a day and in theory some reading/handwriting practice. We don’t manage it every day as we’ve been at in-laws/football camp etc.

But all they actually want to do is play fortnite or go on screens. It’s so sad. I feel like I’ve introduced them to a drug. They are so addicted and seem dissatisfied with anything else. We’d kept off fortnite until lockdown but I allowed my eldest to have it to communicate with his school friends. Biggest mistake. Steer clear and keep to minecraft. Much more constructive and less addictive.
You’re doing a great job there.

Sounds fine and similar to mine (5 and 7) they wake up go on iPads for a couple of hours, take dog out for a couple, then encourage them to play for a couple but then there's loads of hours left of the day they aren't bothered for watching tv but like playing on roblox, it is hard to entertain all day, the days are long. Two days a week we also try to have full proper days out.

Hi op my little boy is 7 he watches tv in the morning as is always up very early but doesnt have any other screen time. He does read everyday but prefers being read to so we usually snuggle up and do that everyday. Sometimes we make a den to read in with loads of cushions ect. We also listen to audibooks I dont know if your little ones like those ? I also try and do a few pages of a maths and literacy book most days. I ordered loads of craft stuff aswell and stored it away and bring bits and pieces out. We generally go out for a few hours each day / meeet friends/ park/ walk ( we do nature hunts, bug hunts, butterfly spotting you can print these off or make your own) , go for a bike ride, are you members of the national trust ? If it's safe in your area do you feel able to go for longer trips out ? Are you comfortable with going to play areas? ( some local to us are ok some are so busy but if you go early they are generally ok). We are also very lucky as live close to the beach. I think if you could get out on longer trips it would probably break the day up more as if you are only out for 1 hour then that's still 11ish hours to fill at home. Maybe reach out to some school parents see of they want to meet up for a walk/ bike ride ect there may be loads of people feeling the same. It's strange as it's not like usual summer holidays we have done a few garden projects made a fairy garden, dug a mini pond would they like to do things like that?

Mine are 14 and 11. They spend more time in front of a screen than is ideal but my youngest is watching YouTube tutorials and has learned a lot of sketching techniques and my older one has taken up learning to skateboard so they are showing lots of self motivation so I’m leaving them alone lol.

Also have two boys aged 9 and 6 and they are having tons of screen time and I have utterly lost the motivation and energy to do the wholesome activities of early lockdown

Same! I've just been exhausted this past month. Also my boys need a lot of chivvying and I have lost the will to do that. So 3x meals, a daily walk, bit of reading (& writing for the older one) is all I ca manage. Only one more week to go!

@zippyswife We’d kept off fortnite until lockdown but I allowed my eldest to have it to communicate with his school friends. Biggest mistake.

Exactly the same here with my 9yo . I don't think it was the wrong decision in the circumstances, but I hate it. However, the lid is off that particular box now and I'm going to have to work out how to deal with the consequences.

His switch time is limited and he does play with his friends, so I don't mind that so much but what I really hate is when he watches youtubers playing fortnite (and bloody shouting about it all the time - why do they shout so much??).

Hi OP
We are much the same. Boys age 9 and 12. They forage for their own breakfasts, They watch cartoons over lunchtime, and we eat dinner together. Neither are bookworms - they have an hour of reading / quiet hobby time after lunch. We get them in the pool everyday (we are in a holiday home in France) but it’s too hot for much in the way of walking / cycling etc. We watch old videos and play games after dinner.

But apart from that, it’s Minecraft all the way. Planning it, playing it, watching videos of other people playing it. It’s creative and fun. DS12 connects with one of his best friends most nights (he’s still in our home city) and I love that he can connect through the game.

I’m not a teacher but DH is. We have it our all during lockdown with the whole routine and homeschooling: happy to let the summer go. We are also camping for 3 separate weeks so that breaks things up as they leave the devices at home.

I could have written your post.

Normally our summer is full of fun stuff. Things have reopened here but I think I'm still stuck in a lockdown frame of mind and don't want to venture too far.

We did have set things like a bit of reading and a little bit of tables practise which worked well in July but seems to have fallen by the wayside this month.

I don't see why some are thinking it's rigid to have three meals at the table. We eat all our meals at the table. Unless it's a picnic.

We have screen free days every other day which works quite well but then it's been a rod.my back in that I end up being dragged into a board game or.something.

I think Minecraft is an excellent game - I play it with them and I was so bored at the start but now I really enjoy it. We make up little challenges to do.its quite good for porvlem solving and maths I think.

Relieved to see I'm not the only one struggling to keep the kids entertained after months of lockdown. Back in March and April I had loads of energy for craft ideas etc but that's all dissipated now.

Mine are 6 and 3. We have quite a lot of Disney plus on here. But they know screen time is limited, although we're allowing my son (6) to play more games now too. We try and go for bigger days out if possible, and then do some baking, box modelling etc to break it up. Plus play dates.

At the weekend we have barbeques to be different and sometimes camp in the garden. We also eat lunch and dinner at the table as a family every day, unless it's nice enough to have a picnic in the garden.

I've realised this all sounds quite wholesome but there has been a LOT of tv too, and I'm counting down the weeks till September.

@BlueJag I think OP means when at home on school holidays/lockdown as we have been. Not actually away on holiday.

I got my DS to keep a diary over summer hols, just a few lines and sticking things like train tickets and pics from museum guides in and stuff like that. More of a scrap book really.

You will find that as they get older you have less control. DH is a Professor in a science subject and I was an academic librarian and we had DC who were bookworms. Now there was a time for being smug e.g when 6 year old DS was sat reading the Guardian, him as a 10 year old holding court at a dinner party of academics and DD composing music. But I learned the greatest lesson of all regardless of how you attempt to make dc in the image you would like they will become what they want.

DS is still hardworking just finished A levels. Is now in to pumping weights and appears to be a total Casanova. Lovely DD sadly died so never got the chance to blossom in to what she could have become.

You can influence for sure OP and you can hope but pick your battles carefully that’s the best advice I can give.

We are also a family of people who like gaming. I have gamed for forty years as long as they do other stuff it’s fine. It’s the addicted who avoid real life and family responsibilities that give it a bad name.

Your schedule is very similar to what we had by the way. Though we used to watch tv and eat on our laps on a Saturday evening and watch Dick and Dom in Da Bumgalow all piled up like mole rats in our bed on a Saturday morning.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss Valkadin. You are so, so right about influencing, but not being able to control. DD1 (19) is academically gifted, a talented musician and an exceptional artist. Kind. Beautiful. Charismatic. A perfectionist. She developed life threatening anorexia when aged 15. It nearly killed her. She is in well established recovery now. But she has lost so much along the way. I look back on my days of naive pride in her accomplishments with a mixture of disgust at how pleased I was with our life and pity for my old self who didn’t know what was to come.

I has certainly made me reflect on what is important. That said DS is only 9 and is profoundly dyslexic. I do still think it’s important to help him learn to read!

Best of luck to everyone here doing their best in difficult times.

Oh gosh @Valkadin I'm so sorry for your loss. That's just heartbreaking. And @LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood I'm so glad that your daughter is recovering, that experience must have been so distressing for both of you.

Your messages have really struck a chord with me. I've never been under the impression that I could 'control' my child, only that I could try to model appropriate behaviour for her and influence her through discussion. Humans should not control other humans. If you micromanage your child's whole life, when does it stop? I work at a university and my job includes supporting young adults (students) who are struggling to cope. They have very little resilience, no ability to self-motivate, no idea how to actually get on with the day to day realities of living and studying unsupervised. I often wonder to myself, after a chat with students like this, what their childhoods were like and how much freedom there were given to get things wrong, and find out for themselves what was good for them and what was not. Many of them seem to have only managed to succeed at school and achieve good A Levels because they were managed every step of the way by parents (getting them out of bed in the morning, making sure they did homework etc). At uni that all disappears, and the staff can't monitor their daily engagement and progress like their school teachers did either.

Not that any of this is an excuse for my own shoddy parenting, of course. But it is something I ponder on regularly. I'm trying to raise a successful adult, not train a dog. Some parenting approaches/techniques do occasionally strike me as more appropriate for the latter.

I'd prefer minecraft over lots of other games as it can be quite technical, depending on what they're building. They do an education edition too which might be worth looking at.

Sounds fine to me! You don’t need to feel guilty.