Blocked by the youngest son

[moolady1977]

I've been at work all day finally get home and sit to down and receive a message from my youngest son ' I want some boots' no hi mum or anything just that message , I didn't reply straight away so he rang me and ever word out of his mouth was bad language so I said 'ds I'm your mum speak to me like it not like I'm one of your friends stop swearing at me ' he kept saying he hadn't swore . He then put the phone down on me and I received another message saying BLOCKED , he is 16 I don't want to hear that coming out of his mouth every word he speaks .
I spoke to his dad about it who said that's the way he is and how he speaks to everyone and just to let him get on with it . Am I so wrong in wanting him to at least from swear in every sentence he uses

How long has he been speaking to you like this? I ask, as my teenage ds went through an absolutely awful stage & started taking drugs. He was eventually diagnosed with PTSD from terrible bullying & being beaten up & threatened. It took a long time to sort it out. He wouldn’t speak like that to me and his dad now.

Leave him blocked. Give him nothing until he shows some respect. Teens talk to their friends like that I know, but they can discriminate between friends and family.

You're not wrong OP. He shouldn't swear at you, neither should he have put the phone down rudely. As others have said, if you are paying for his phone, stop. If I were you, I would also confiscate his phone and of course, he won't be getting the boots.

Don't let him get away with it. No more WiFi, allowance and definitely no boots. Tell him you are the adult he is the child and unless he shows respect you won't be cooking for him. Make him get his own meals. My sons would never have dared this level of disrespect. Your DH does not sound supportive either. He should be backing you up and not allowing son to disrespect you.

@katy1213

Let him stay blocked. And keep your purse shut.

This ^^

I spoke to his dad about it who said that's the way he is and how he speaks to everyone and just to let him get on with it

What the heck! Your Dh has no parenting skills what so ever.
Ignore the idiot and punish your son for his foul mouth and disrespect as others have advised. Cancel his phone and remove all devices, he'll learn quickly. Just don't let your Dh give everything back and let him get away with all this shit.

No boots, no phone, remove any other tech stuff in fact nothing until he apologises and then I might give the phone back but he would be finding a way to earn money to buy the boots, even if it is jobs around the house. There's no way I would buy him something after being spoken to you like this. My own DD1 is right in the middle of the teen years and is definitely very difficult so trust me I have had to do this with her a few times. We block her Wifi access for any rude behaviour. Do not let this go.

As for his dad .... I hope you're not still with him ?

what re you going to do about him OP? Lots of great advice on this thread

What the heck! Your Dh has no parenting skills what so ever.
Ignore the idiot and punish your son for his foul mouth and disrespect as others have advised. Cancel his phone and remove all devices, he'll learn quickly. Just don't let your Dh give everything back and let him get away with all this shit.

Exactly.

OP, I am not trying to be antagonistic, but what kind of person are you and your DP unleashing on society? What do you think your role as parents is? How dare your son even think of swearing at his mother. You and your DP really need to teach him about respect and decency.

Oh DS would be in for such a shock if he did this, phone, x box, wifi gone until he apologised and said he would never do it again. He would also be grounded and given jobs. He is 16 you need to do this for his sake.

His Dad sounds like a pointless waste of space.

Are you and his dad separated? That’s hard if you’re being in 2 different pages discipline wise. Something’s gone wrong of he’s gotten to the age of 16 and thinks his life would be at risk speaking to his mother like that. Tbh I suspect at 16 it’s going to be pretty hard to reverse that sort of ingrained level of disrespect. Does he live with you?

His Dad should be backing you up rather than just accepting the shitty behaviour, but you don't have to acquiesce to his demands. Ignore him and when he does finally unblock you give him a fucking good bollocking, cheeky fucker. I'm 38 and even now I'd never dare speak to my Mum like that.

I've just re read the op, for some reason I'd assumed your husband was an ex.
What are you doing with this low life, who's happy for his kids to become thugs just like him? Some people settle for so very little in life.
Just look at your dh and know that this is what your sons will be in X years time (one of them already is).
Shameful.

I would say blocked is a good result. I'd be happy with that.

If my dc spoke to me like that there would be hell to pay.

Agree with others: stop paying his phone, start getting him to do his share of chores, block the WiFi so he can't access it. And I'd be having a bad chat with him about what's acceptable and what is not.

He's 16. Does he have apart time job? He could be paying for his own boots.

But I'd say that we're all members of the family and we all work together and have to do our bit.

My 16yo found two user-time jobs doing social media for companies during lockdown. She's been proactive and motivated. Has your ds? That's the kind of thing he could be doing.

Why would you react to a mouthful of foul abuse with I'm not one of your friends? Are you ok with him acting like this so long as it's not directed at you??

It didn't come out of nowhere OP so have you only now had enough? If he's gotten away with bad behaviour up until now, you are really going to have to be firm and not back down. Otherwise you will just appear as a complete pushover.

I would never accept being spoken to like that. The worst thing about MN is the way teens are excused from pretty much all crap behaviour because, well, they are teens and it's 'normal'. MN posters are usually the 'dad' in this situation so surprised there is a different tune here.

As others have said OP.

He doesn’t speak to you like that. He tries it, he loses tech/phone/allowance etc. If he really wants something, he can work for it.

I hate to say it, but from your post I do wonder whether his dad is a huge part of the problem...Is dad a bit of a waste of space generally? I have a 16yo DS who has various 16yo friends and believe me they are not angels and can grump and strop with the best of them, but the vast majority of them would just never dare speak to or swear at a parent like that. They swear with each other, sure - that is genuine teen behaviour IMO - but at parents - never.

All of DS’s friends have sensible engaged dads. Only one has a dad who is a totally ineffective parent, never backs up the mum (they are separated), causes all sorts of shite as a result and would absolutely make that kind of ‘well that’s just what he’s like’ comment about his son. And that’s the only 16yo of DS’s group who treats his mum like shit.

As someone who has raised two stroppy teens, ignore, tell them their behaviour is unacceptable and tell them you won’t engage with them when they behave this way. Grey rock.

It does take long for an about turn, they need you more than you need them.

Sounds like he's just typed the word blocked and sent it.

When you actually get blocked you don't get a message saying so.

*Doesn’t

Get hard on him, op. Hard and harsh and don't hesitate.

I'd block his phone and change the WiFi password. And I definitely would.

Change the WiFi password and tell him to get a job. And then once he’s done that and washed his own clothes and cooked his own meals for a month you might think about giving him the password.