Has anyone overcome toilet anxiety?

[Dollycarton81]

I've posted about this before but am feeling at my wits end at the minute. I have suffered with toilet anxiety for years now. It's an intense fear of going anywhere or doing anything and not having an accessible toilet nearby. During lockdown when toilets have been limited (and still are in some places) it's gotten much worse and it's now a real struggle for me to go anywhere which is causing me a lot of guilt as I want to take my kids places during the holidays but am limited as to where we can go. Rural areas, long car journeys, the beach are all problems. Even going into town I'm constantly thinking about where the nearest loo is and the anxiety makes the urgency of needing to go much worse.

I have decided to start a course of cbt and my therapist has mentioned exposure therapy which I feel sceptical about. I'm trying to stay open minded and hopeful about conquering this and being able to live a normal life. I just wanted to hear if anyone else has experienced his and managed to overcome it? If so, what worked for you?

I remember a poster with this from a few months ago OP. She was at a friends house and was asking for people to encourage her to go. If anybody has the link I think it could help OP it was a lovely thread

Yes, and while it didn't go completely, treatment made a huge life changing improvement. I was referred to a psychologist at the local psychiatric hospital for a course of about 10 sessions. Some of it was about explaining the physiological reasons, some of it was relaxation techniques and some of it was exposure therapy. The combination really helped. This was 30 years ago and thr effects have proved longlasting. Only thing is that I don't know how easy it is to be referred these days.

Oh and unlike some other posters, I could worry myself into bouts of diarrhoea /very loose movements which made it harder because I couldn't tell myself it would be fine if I ignored it. But the combination of therapies worked for me, so there's every chance that you will get better too.

I've had this and it got to the point I was almost housebound!

I read a few books on anxiety, one was called fearing the fear (or something similar!) by Josh someone (I'm sorry I passed the book onto a friend and can't remember the exact name or author which is very unhelpful!) Anyway this particular book really helped me change my thought processes.

A lot of anxiety issues are down to a lack of confidence that if the worst happens (ie you can't find a toilet and you poo yourself) that you won't cope. However I started to tell myself 'whatever happens it will be okay, I can cope and I am safe' you literally have to repeat this like a mantra all the time.

You also have to force yourself into situations that stress you out a bit so that you can work on your coping strategies.

It can be beaten and I've been pretty much fine now for a few years.

I did suffer from this when I was a child and teen. It doesn't really impact on me now. But I am aware now of toilets being shut like in large garden centres but supermarket ones seem to be open. But if you're is severe I agree with getting counselling.

Sorry haven’t read the full thread yet, but yes, I have mostly overcome this. Has been a problem for me since puberty and feel I have it under control now after some 30 years. CBT helps. Hypnotherapy helped a lot. And also removing dairy from my diet helped a lot. I think for me there was an underlying IBS issue, which made me have less control, an urgency issue. That triggered the anxiety and avoidance. The CBT helped w the anxiety and avoidance but not the underlying issue. By chance when I had children I went dairy free when breastfeeding colicky babies and my world changed within a week or so. It’s worth exploring the dietary side, in my view (an exclusion type diet for quite a few weeks).

Yes I do literally worry myself into very genuine and real episodes of diarrhoea, it's not just in my imagination. The anxiety may cause it (if I were calm I don't think it would happen) but the psychological issues definitely do cause the physical reaction.

I think it’s called Dump and Flee syndrome (!). We are hard-wired to drop all excess baggage when under threat, and even if we don’t realise that we are nervous, our instincts do and so it causes us to need the loo.

I genuinely get a terrible upset stomach, it’s not just my imagination.

Dump and flee...I laughed at that. Very accurate. Also known as fight or flight I believe. We dump all excess waste to enable us to lighten the load so we can move, fight or run away quicker in the face of perceived danger. It all makes perfect sense to me I just wish I could stop it happening.

My first step was to go to my gp and explain just how debilitating it was. After some tests to rule out a physical problem I was referred, and as I say the sessions proved to be life changing. I don't know that I could have done it alone though. In your shoes I would be pushing for a referral too.

Sorry - haven’t read the whole thread but wanted to chip in before I sleep.

An indirect thing you might want to do is hypnosis for IBS. It’s been proven to work and there’s an app called Nerva where you can do it without paying for 121 sessions. Maybe if you feel more confident with your bowels you’ll inadvertently help your toilet anxiety.

Also - I do say this from a place of solidarity with the anxiety. I have something called IC and toilet accessibility drama takes up a large part of my life.

I’d give the CBT a go but if you find it persists, I’d really recommend Hypnotherapy. I’m a hypnotherapist & it’s something many of us are experienced in supporting people with. It can be so debilitating but essentially it’s a protective response to keep you safe from perceived danger. Hypnotherapy will help you change the narrative your mind is working to, help you to feel empowered once more & comfortable too. Hypnotherapy is wonderfully relaxing as well & they would likely teach you how to step into feelings of being comfortable & relaxed anytime you choose as part of their work with you, alongside helping you overcome the worry.
Wishing you lots of luck with the CBT you have coming up.

I had OCD - checking I had switched oven off,locked front door, not run someone over etc etc.

It was getting silly. I was making myself late, not wanting to go on holiday, taking photos of the cooker.

I did an OCD course based on CBT. I realised even if I was burgled for not looking for door it wouldn't have such a detrimental impact in my life as my checking behaviours. I forced myself to stop. I made myself not drive up and down roads checking I hadn't run a red light or run someone over.

It's now been 6/7 years. I don't check extra times unless I think I really might have forgotten to lock my car as I was getting kids and dogs out. It was so
Hard in the beginning. I felt sick and panicky but eventually it went away when I broke the pattern. It was a Lot of will power. Do it, I feel so much better. I still Get very anxious and catastrophise but I refuse to let my kids see it and think it's how-to live.

Thank you all once again. I will look into the app and consider hypnotherapy if I don't get where I need to be with CBT alone. I suspect it would be pricey though.

My first session went OK. She sent me a lot of literature about anxiety in general. I have to complete a thought diary over the next few weeks detailing my thoughts, worries, emotions etc.

Yesterday we took dc out for the day. The drive to the place was about 20 minutes max. I knew there would be toilets there. But I still got myself in such a panic in the car. What if there are delays? What if there are queues getting in? What if the toilets are locked due to covid? Completely ridiculous. I felt like turning back and going home at one point. Luckily we persisted and once I knew where the toilets were I was totally fine and had a lovely day. It's so draining.

I'm supposed to be going to an Argos clearance this morning, it's on a retail park but the shops there have no public toilets. I really really want to go but I don't know if I can. I've looked on street view and there is a large NHS centre over the road but I don't know if they'd let me in to use the loo if I needed to. I hate living like this

I get anxiety but it's bladder being weak. I invested in pairs of heavy flow period pants which contain any issues (which I rarely have, it's more fear). Unfortunately this doesn't really work for bowels but any posting for bladder I recommend. Also McDonald's is back open, as are Wetherspoons etc.

Following! I'm hyper mobile and one of the issues that come with it is an over active bladder

I suffer with this. At its worst around 10 years ago I ended a long term relationship, quit my job and became virtually housebound. I subsequently started to suffer with depression on top of my anxiety with the idea that I would never be a 'normal person'.

I'm a lot better now. CBT and breathing techniques help a bit, but I never quite accepted it as being an 'irrational fear', it was very rational and real.

I use immodium and reduce food intake 24 hours before travelling. I also accept if I have to go i have to go and being a bit older now I feel more self confident to deal with it.

Travelling with work colleagues is my biggest issue now and I have made excuses to travel separately such as making up weekends away so it makes more sense if I just go directly rather than travelling back home to go away again.

I do worry how it may impact my 2yo DD and what activities we can do together.

I try and stay calm and rationalise that my bladder is empty and I’ve been to the toilet, I don’t need it

Yes I have this too. Although sometimes I've been 5 minutes ago and when I go again I actually go quite a bit so I did need to go. Like a pp, coffee is the issue for me (but with my bladder). I go to the loo far more in the mornings after drinking coffee than I do in the afternoons when i only drink water.

This thread is the reason I get so angry with councils who close toilets (not just for covid, but generally) and with cafes who use control access to their toilets. It's a medical need and it's usually women who are affected.

I have no worries about finding a bush and squatting behind it though. I went out for a run yesterday and needed to go (and actually did need to go) so found a tree to hide behind in some woods. I realise this isn't possible if it's your bowel that's the problem.

A few years ago our local station was renovated and the loos were closed for months. When I had to go the office I would go to the loo (several times) before leaving the house and then at the station and then I could manage until I got to the office. So when the loos closed I had to wait until I got to Waterloo station and then pay 30p to use the loos (as you had to pay then, now you don't). I didn't want to pay the 30p every time so I actually did get to the stage where I could get from house to office though I was genuinely bursting by the time I arrived, tummy was like a football. I was relieved when the loos at my local station reopened though. At that time I didn't drink coffee at home though.

For car emergencies buy yourself some Travel Johns on Amazon. A pack of 3 is about £6. You'll likely never use it but it's nice to have them there just in case.

Also - lockdownloo .com links to a map of toilets open during lockdown (which I know technically isn't happening any more but it's still affecting some toilets) and there's an app called Toilet Finder that I've used a few times under normal circumstances.

"I'm a lot better now. CBT and breathing techniques help a bit, but I never quite accepted it as being an 'irrational fear', it was very rational and real."

@DoormatBob you have nailed it with this point. It absolutely is a real and physical effect. It might be brought on and exacerbated by the psychological side of things but the physical consequences are real. This is what I've always had trouble explaining to dp and family who tell me it's all in my head. Yes it begins there but the physical reaction and urgency is genuine and if you can't get to a toilet damn quickly then the consequences would be horrendous and humiliating. So it definitely isn't an irrational fear.

Hi! How are you getting on with your CBT? I’m struggling so bad, mine started when I had my daughter… 5 years ago! Ive recently after researched and coming to terms with that it now seems it is toilet anxiety I suffer
With, I’m due to go on a 2 hour drive In 2 days and Honeslty the thought rises panic and makes me want to go to loo :(

I have an over active bladder. I don't need to go but bladder sends the wrong signal. It is a desperate scourge in my life. I can't drink for hours before a car journey or a long walk. Doctor put me on meds but they raised my blood pressure. l could have botox so considering that but it's not foolproof. What helps me a bit is wearing a pad as l think to myself if l wet myself the pad will save me so the comfort of that stops the anxiety of it. I have never had even the slightest leak! I am obsessed with spotting loos as if l know there is one at hand l can last for hours. I hate that l can't drink water if out of the house. And as someone already mentioned coffee sets it crazy.