To be a bit hurt that ex DH said he'd "never remember the date of our wedding"

[Unforgettable31]

I was chatting to my ex DH earlier, we've no kids but we talk from time to time.

We got married 9 years ago on the 1st of this month.

Anyway, I said something along the lines of "Hey it was our anniversary on the 1st" and he responded "Lol, oh right, you have a better memory than me, I wouldn't have remembered that in a million years".

I could sort of get it if he was remarried or even if a relationship but he isn't.

I know it probably sounds like I'm being overly sensitive but he was like "The One" for me!

Luckily this was an online chat because I would have been really embarrassed if we'd been face to face!

My parents have been divorced for 16 years and they both remember dates, place etc.

I'm a bit rubbish with this kind of stuff

Although 1st of month pretty easy to remember

Perhaps he's spent the years past trying to forget it

I don’t even remember mine instantly, and it was only 3 years ago. Meh - some people aren’t great with dates, but especially about dates that don’t really mean anything to them. I love my husband very much, but neither of us make a big deal of anniversaries. Our wedding was fab - the date just isn’t a thing for us.

Was he any good at remembering important dates when married to you? I can absolutely understand why it would hurt you, it was a major point in your life filled with love and emotion and even though your divorced it seems you are both friendly and good terms. Ultimately there isn't a lot you can do, he may have emotionally just moved on and forgot the date as part of that process but if you are friendly and you feel able to perhaps you could say how you felt? It might be easier to keep it to yourself and try and heal that pain by moving on from it?

@MarthasGinYard Oh don't lol.

I think YABU because if you are no longer in a relationship then there’s surely no need for either of you to remember the dates? If he was your current partner I’d say YANBU, but presumably he’s an ex for a reason, so I don’t think it’s a good idea to be reminiscing with spectacles that are too rose-tinted!

@PerfectPenquins I feel like a bit of a bell end really. I actually woke up thinking about it that day as it had come up on FB the night before. I have a bit of a tendency to romanticise things!

My BIL got the date wrong on the engraved gift he got my sister for their 10th wedding anniversary. Right day, right year - wrong month. They’re still married...

Dates aren’t important to everyone, and some people do have crap memories. I don’t celebrate my birthday, there are years when I realise a few weeks later that “oh I’m a year older”, I was three days late with my sons birthday once (he was only 2, so he was none the wiser). My boyfriend knows our anniversary as he remembers the date we first met, I think it may have been April, or possibly May, but thats as accurate as I’m going to get.

To me anniversaries are a bit like valentines day, a bit pointless as you don’t need a ‘special’ day to show someone you love and care about them, your actions through the year are more important.

@HarryLimeFoxtrot This made me laugh.

What an odd thing to be bothered about when you're not together

@SimonJT That's true. I think it might just be in my way of thinking. I remember dates/times etc. Weird ones that no one else remembers!

I can't remember my wedding anniversary and we're still married. I only know how many years from calculating against children's ages. Some people remember this stuff. Others don't.

@AllsortsofAwkward I am a bit odd lol.

Think he remembers tbh but is giving vibes to say he’s moved on and is not comfortable with this level of intimacy however innocent Personally I think being this close to an ex would be odd (but each to their own)

I think it’s weird that you’d even bring it up tbh!

I wouldn’t expect my ex to talk to be about our wedding anniversary.

@Cloudtraffic Our relationship is a little strange I think. We met when we were 12 and 13! We have been in and out of each others lives for years.

YABU. I’m useless at remembering our anniversary and I’ve been married over 30 years. DH has to jog my memory the week before or it would just pass me by.

This is me. It drives my husband mad. Totally wrong day and month, although I get the year right.

In fact it's actually soon. Shit. You may have done me a favour actually OP.

If my ex mentioned our wedding anniversary I'd probably pretend not to remember. Because, yknow, we're divorced. I'd think it was weird, and maybe that he was trying to get back into my pants.

Earlier this year, I was clearing mementos from boxes and came across wedding photos of my first wedding. I've kept a few as that marriage produced my oldest son so I wanted him to have a few photos, especially those photos of his deceased grandparents.

Later that day, I called the ex-h because he was collecting our three grandchildren (they lived with me) for a visit. I casually mentioned the photos of his parents in the box and asked, "Ex, did you realize that in May we would have been married 30 years?!" He said, "Really? That was a long time ago. Did we have a wedding because I can't remember anything about it now."

Bastard.

How long have you been divorced for? And how long were you together?

It’s nice you have an amicable relationship but I would find it odd to remember anniversaries etc of old ex’s.

That said I don’t think there’s anything wrong in you remembering your anniversary it was an important day for you. But equally it’s normal not to mark or want to remember anniversaries of past relationships.

DP and I are getting married on his birthday. So he never forgets our anniversary 😆

@Cloudtraffic So pretending not to remember is probably his way of letting you down gently and saying you’re not teenagers any more

I forget every year, and I'm still married.

I think you need to work to get over him OP, start by cutting the online chats. Hope you're ok FWIW I was married for 10 years and I barely remembered our anniversary when we were together!