My husband says I'm a bore...

[insertoriginalusernamehere]

Since having my last child just before lockdown I've been feeling REALLY overweight and down about it, so I decided a fortnight ago to join a (virtual) weight loss group. My husband said he would do it too, although obviously not the meetings. We worked out his points.

We are both usually big drinkers so we've managed to get that under control (obviously I couldn't when pregnant etc so my part for that was easy) and now the next stage is weight and exercise.

Earlier this week I discovered DH has been not only eating the lunches I've made for him to take to work, he's also been having a shop bought sandwich and biscuits too. Obviously I was disappointed but I actually wasn't totally bothered because fair enough it's his life.

Tonight he's been moody and I asked him why, he said he's fed up of hearing about what we can and can't buy/eat and he's being controlled.

I've taken that really badly. AIBU for trying to do something that I desperately need to do FOR ME?

I do all the cooking so he doesn't have to do anything to accommodate me in that respect. I am a trained chef so it's not like he's eating salad and dust.

He's literally just flipped out because I said we shouldn't cover our meat in Nando sauce because actually we still have to remember it has points in it.

He's in every other way an amazing husband and this is actually the first proper row we've had in years.

I am sorry he didn't have the courage to tell you he didn't want to do it instead of getting mad at you for talking about it.
I hope it gives you the mental boost you are hoping for.

Sounds like your husband is not as invested as you in this "losing weight" thing.
Don't force it on him, but don't let him hold you back.
It can be nice to do things as a couple, but if it doesn't work, just make sure you do what's right for you, without interfering with his own life.

Question: do you cook all his meals? Your problem may not be your own diet, but the fact you are looking after an additional, overgrown child...
If he relies on your for sustenance, he may be panicking, that as you will be cooking what's right for you (and why shouldn't you?), you will no longer be cooking what he wants.

For this to work (the diet, and the relationship!), you may have to readjust the dynamic around meals preparation. Do you feel OK cooking healthy meals for you, and indulgent meals for him? If not... He may have to start putting more effort into preparing his own food...?
It's harder to work as a team when two people want different things.

YABU. There’s nothing worse than hearing someone go on about their diet and what they can/can’t eat all the time. He’s right - it is restrictive and controlling.

If you want to do the diet fine, but stop talking about it and stop doing it with him too. If you cook just make the meals, don’t mention the calories/that he can’t have sauce etc.

He’s been rude and unkind. But not wantIng to follow the diet or for you to talk about it much isn’t unreasonable.

Would just follow it yourself. And stop cooking for him every night, unless that suits you!

So I’m assuming it’s Slimming World or Weight Watchers.

Everyone I know who has done those diets talks about nothing but their diet, their groups, their points, how many points their meals are, how great this is and how awful that is... It’s like a cult, and I don’t think it promotes good eating behaviours. I’ve had to back off from friends who have had quite literally no other topic of conversation until they came off the plan.

Do the diet for yourself, if you want to, but don’t police your husband’s eating or talk about it all the time because all that will do is annoy him, and probably push him to eat more of the things you disapprove of.

The clue here is in your last point, “ we don’t need to cover our meat”

Let him do what he wishes without comment, you don’t need to cover yours, he can if he pleases.

Thank you for all your replies.
I do appreciate that points based diets aren't for everyone however for me I know it works and for now that's my focus.

We've had a productive chat and agreed that we will base our meals on what I have planned and if he wants to have extras that's fine but just don't try and tempt me with it.

My husband has about the same amount of weight to lose as I do, however he's not worried about being overweight, where as I am.

I also have OCD which obviously isn't helping in this because I struggle to make decisions which means I often make more out of something than it is, hence him being bored.

I'm off to prepare some dust for lunch now...

Great to follow whatever food plan you choose: no need to discuss it with your H (unless he wants to) or others.