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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's rude to be late

71 replies

Cheeeese2020 · 05/08/2020 10:57

Partner is always late for everything - he has a long morning routine that seems immovable, leisurely breakfast, coffee through a press, ages in the toilet, shower and so on. Problem is, he will not get up early enough to fit in this routine and arrive to places on time. Just had a huge row because he said that it's not important and he doesn't care about being late, it only matters if you're catching a flight. He was meant to be taking me to work as my train has been cancelled, and I ended up being fifteen minutes late. He slept in for work recently, and instead of getting ready quickly and leaving, he was nearly an hour late to start his shift because he insisted on the coffee etc. It's not just mornings - we are always late to meet friends. It really frustrates me, I get very stressed by being late, and my job doesn't allow me to just rock up when I feel like it. AIBU?

OP posts:

Jaxhog · 05/08/2020 15:19

Unfortunately, people like this only change (if they ever do) when the inconvenience is theirs.

areyoubeingserviced · 05/08/2020 15:32

I dislike lateness with a passion
I fell out with one of my best friends over lateness.
She was having her 40th birthday party in a restaurant in her home town.
I live over 100 miles away , but drove down with my three dcs as I didn’t have childcare ( dh was working abroad ).
The birthday dinner was to start at 6:30pm, at 8:30pm my ‘friend’ hadn’t arrived and wouldn’t pick up her phone calls. However, she contacted the restaurant and asked them not to take any orders until she had arrived.
I had three fractious dc ,so was annoyed.
At 9:30pm, she still hadn’t arrived, so I left , took the dc to McDonald’s and went to the hotel that I had booked.
I no longer attend any parties/ meet-ups that she organises
I couldn’t date or marry someone who was constantly late. It’s rude , inconsiderate and attention seeking behaviour.

Iwantacookie · 05/08/2020 15:44

I cant abide lateness there is no need. Why is it these people are never late for flights or trips but anything hard work like a job or children.
The late for work thing bugs me more when people stroll in at the time they are supposed to start then spend 10 mins faffing around before they actually start any work.

GiantPinesAhem · 05/08/2020 15:54

@areyoubeingserviced

I dislike lateness with a passion I fell out with one of my best friends over lateness. She was having her 40th birthday party in a restaurant in her home town. I live over 100 miles away , but drove down with my three dcs as I didn’t have childcare ( dh was working abroad ). The birthday dinner was to start at 6:30pm, at 8:30pm my ‘friend’ hadn’t arrived and wouldn’t pick up her phone calls. However, she contacted the restaurant and asked them not to take any orders until she had arrived. I had three fractious dc ,so was annoyed. At 9:30pm, she still hadn’t arrived, so I left , took the dc to McDonald’s and went to the hotel that I had booked. I no longer attend any parties/ meet-ups that she organises I couldn’t date or marry someone who was constantly late. It’s rude , inconsiderate and attention seeking behaviour.

Wow... what did she say?!

MrsMop1964 · 05/08/2020 16:01

My dad was like this. It has made me terribly anxious about lateness, but unfortunately it has skipped a generation and my youngest dd is the same. She's due to start college in the autumn and it's further away than her school was. I anticipate stressful mornings as I get wound up about how slowly she is moving, but she won't be anxious in the least.

areyoubeingserviced · 05/08/2020 16:14

@GiantPinesAhem- she was upset with me for not staying. She said that I was disloyal .She couldn’t understand why I was so annoyed.
I decided to go LC with her.

GiantPinesAhem · 05/08/2020 16:15

[quote areyoubeingserviced]@GiantPinesAhem- she was upset with me for not staying. She said that I was disloyal .She couldn’t understand why I was so annoyed.
I decided to go LC with her.[/quote]
You're disloyal?! Wow...

Motoko · 05/08/2020 18:19

Actually, I think it is LTB territory, especially when he made you late for work.
And if he loses his job because of his lateness, that affects you too, as you'll be the one who has to pay for everything until he gets a new job.

CSIblonde · 06/08/2020 07:48

Surely his work will get fed up of the lateness? It's rude , it means you don't value people enough to pay them basic courtesy.

20viona · 06/08/2020 07:56

I fucking hate lateness yes it's totally rude and in many cases easily avoidable.

LouiseTrees · 06/08/2020 07:59

Set an alarm for him. Change the time setting on his phone an hour ahead, so he thinks it’s later and gets up. If he’s constantly late for work hasn’t this caused issues?

LouiseTrees · 06/08/2020 08:01

Or chuck the coffee presser out so he has to have instant.

sundreamsx · 06/08/2020 08:21

I can’t stand this either, lateness is a pet peeve of mine. I couldn’t be with anyone who couldn’t be on time it’s just so rude and shows a complete disregard for others.

thecatsthecats · 06/08/2020 08:33

@FinallyHere

That's what me and my husband do. Saves me a lot of stress not trying to chivvy him out of the door on time for his family get together. His family know what he's like so don't blame me, and he toes the line on my events.

Fortunately after a few bust ups he gets that punctuality is important to me and agrees that it's not fair to cause me upset because he is less organised.

(still roll my eyes when we're running thirty minutes late already and he'll run through his entire grooming regime pre-leaving as if we have all the time in the world)

FinallyHere · 06/08/2020 08:36

@thecatsthecats 😀

Kisskiss · 06/08/2020 08:37

Ugh. Feel for you. It’s very irritating and rude when someone is so selfish ( he’s basically saying his time is my valuable than anybody else’s)
My husband used to be like this too and it stressed me out being late to meet friends .. many fights /years later we now are late maybe 1/3 of the time ( and usually within an acceptable 5-15 min range) .. so slow progress, but infinitely better than when it used to be late by > 1hour

JammyHands · 06/08/2020 08:46

I would leave him tbh. You’re not his mother so why should you have to manage his time? eventually his work is going to get fed up and fire him.

Sparticuscaticus · 06/08/2020 08:47

YANBU

Your DP thinks the world revolves around his feelings comfort and late timetable

It sounds deeply entrenched entitleness

The real world of jobs, trains, school, events and meetings aren't like that

Is it his car or your car? I'd take the car if I needed to and leave at train station or use joint money for a taxi
I'd leave for friends outing on time without him
A few hits to his comfort, causing him
Inconvenience should sort him out

NataliaOsipova · 06/08/2020 08:49

The thing that amuses me about the “always late” types is that they really, really don’t like it when the boot is on the other foot. I dealt with a contractor for a long time who was like this - completely unreliable and always late. The one time I was late (15 mins and I phoned en route - there’d been a bad accident on the main road) he was stroppy and huffy about it. I’m always tempted to try that on purpose with my always late friend; maybe a taste of own medicine is what’s needed.....!

SnuggyBuggy · 06/08/2020 08:54

I'm impressed an always late person hasn't turned up to crap on about how cool and laid back they are compared with us on-time uptight folk

Emotionalfuckwit · 06/08/2020 09:58

I would leave someone for this without question

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