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AIBU?

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Original poster

help me get out the rage!

51 replies

strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 07:29

I'm furious and I'm being stroppy to partner and I cant help it. we have an 8 month old who still wakes me up every 2/3 hours at night and I do all the wakings. baby was refusing sleep last night as it was and didnt drift off until gone 10pm.

this morning, rather than get his things for work ready last night like I asked, he comes into the bedroom me and baby sleep in after hes had an uninterrupted night, to get his stuff and his phone starts ringing extremely loudly playing fucking blues song 2 which is his ringtone. of course, everyone within a 1 mile radius, wakes up. this was at 6am and baby has refused to go back to sleep since, is extremely crabby and overtired due to not having anywhere near enough sleep and I have got the absolute rage with my partner. I have also got a headache and an irritable baby on my hands. I want to ignore him all day though I know this is petty lol!

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 07:30

blurs*

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 05/08/2020 07:31

Yeah I’m not talking you out of that. Kill him. Or at the very least wake him up every time you get up tonight Grin

Nanny0gg · 05/08/2020 07:35

Its not petty, and its not amusing.

He's thoughtless at best and selfish at worst.

Have you had any form of apology?

Original poster
strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 07:37

nope! got a sulky "well it's not my fault my phone rang"

I appreciate sleep deprivation is obviously making me me more furious but I dont get enough sleep as it is and am beyond fair by doing all the wakings atm and I have done since she was born so he gets am uninterrupted night sleep before work. now I dont want a bloody medal but I would appreciate him helping in any way he can to maximise the sleep I can get which means getting his stuff ready the night before so he doesnt come into the bloody bedroom in the morning!

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bedjolly · 05/08/2020 07:39

Tell him to help out or get lost! Grin

Nanny0gg · 05/08/2020 07:40

Thats easy. Empty his drawer and wardrobe and dump the stuff on his bed.

Won't need to come in tomorrow...

Original poster
strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 07:42

I can imagine him telling his work colleague this story as well and finding it quite amusing whilst I have another day of over tired baby and a migraine. so cross

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mummyslittlenightmare · 05/08/2020 07:46

@Nanny0gg

Thats easy. Empty his drawer and wardrobe and dump the stuff on his bed.

Won't need to come in tomorrow...

THIS. My baby is also 8mo, and like you I have done/do all night wakings - baby also waking every 2/3 hrs.

I massively kicked off about 2 months ago - I was so tired and tbh fed up. In all honesty I didn't need to kick off, I just should've told him in the first place - some men really are just oblivious, which mine was. (However, some aren't, and are just selfish dickheads in which, kick off is necessary)

My DP even brushes his teeth downstairs now, and doesn't park on the drive because it's underneath our bedroom window.

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 05/08/2020 07:49

Why do you feel the need to protect him from night wakings? It's not that onerous for him to wake up and deal with the baby once a night. Unless he's a brain surgeon or something. I had twins and me and dh each dealt with one baby overnight so no uninterrupted nights for anyone here. He still had to get up and work the next day. He coped. Life doesn't just go on as normal with a young baby in the house.

mummyslittlenightmare · 05/08/2020 07:50

Oh and as a footnote to that.. he even had a bad stomach in the middle of the night once, and he didn't even flush the toilet which was a nice surprise to wake up too - I did explain that I would've understood why you flushed but I was quite impressed how onboard he was Wink

BertieBassettsBits · 05/08/2020 07:50

I wouldn't find it funny at all
Dump all your plans today and cat nap when the baby sleeps
Text him and ask him to sort tonight's dinner out

Original poster
strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 07:52

because truthfully he has fallen asleep on the sofa with her before and I find it hard to switch that image off. he has also told me its "dangerous" for him to be tired at work Hmm hes a labourer. I go back in a few months too and have told him an equal split is gonna have to happen at night at that point.

I actually became really ill last week on one of the really hot days we had. exhausted, bad migraine that led to a panic attack. my dad had to come round and calm me down - now that IS dangerous.

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madcatladyforever · 05/08/2020 07:54

What a piece of shit. I would spend the next week crashing about all night every single damned time the baby wakes, or kill him in a rage. Either will do.
I couldn't live with someone this selfish.

Keeva2017 · 05/08/2020 07:57

Unless that stupid wanker comes home with an array of treats and an announcement than he will do the night feeds this coming weekend to make up for his idiotic, brainless behaviour, wait for him to go to sleep and beat the twat to death.

No mother would convict you.

SteelyPanther · 05/08/2020 07:59

You are entitled to your rage, keep it.

IDontLikeZombies · 05/08/2020 08:07

That's not pretty at all. DH let me do all the night waking with DS1 for a fairly short period of time (about 6 weeks?) because he was going out to work.
For some reason we concluded that sitting at a desk, having an hour lunch break with your pals and 2 commutes where you could be entirely alone in your own head was harder than looking after the entire well being of a tiny human 24 hours a day.
My mental health took an absolute pummeling - depression, anxiety, delusions suicidal ideation, flashbacks, the lot.
All credit to DH, as soon as we realised what was going on he took on the night waking. It barely affected his ability to get his work done.

yourenotwrong · 05/08/2020 08:07

Well I wouldn't have anymore kids with someone that useless that's for sure.

Original poster
strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 08:10

it's just completely ruined my day now, I know baby is going to need extra sleep to try make up for the few shes lost and that she is going to fight it. she has never been a great sleeper. I also know I'm gonna have a headache most of the day and struggle to think straight. so irritated

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Elastins · 05/08/2020 08:12

No sane, rational person is going to talk you out of being furious with him about this.

You should be furious. He should know you’re furious, he should listen, and he should make changes.

The only thing I’ll say is - in your fury - try to make sure that you’re constructive with him so that you keep the high ground and give him no wiggle room whatsoever.

And this you doing EVERYTHING overnight? Yeah, that needs to stop now.

Original poster
strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 08:23

even though it is a relatively small incident on the whole it has made me realise I have taken on way too much because he goes to work - I should of realised after how ill I got last week. I am so cross with myself that I've allowed us to fall into the stereotypical roles of mum does everything even at own detriment. I never ever get a break. he says he has offered me to wake him if she has really bad night but he says this and is extremely moody and passive aggressive the very few times I've ever woken him early. he also says he offered me to go out with friends sometimes but this is also a back hand offer as he cant cope if she cries and will ring me constantly in a tizz which just makes me unable to enjoy the rare time I have taken him up on this offer anyway. something has got to give!

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Limpshade · 05/08/2020 08:23

While I was on mat leave, I also did all the night wakings because I'd imagined that DH (office job, like mine) needed his sleep more. I returned to work when DD1 was a year old and realised it's a lot fucking easier to sit in front of a computer all day (even on a stressful day) than it is to look after a cranky, fussy baby. So once I'd stopped breastfeeding DD2 at 6 months, nights were immediately split 50/50 Grin

Limpshade · 05/08/2020 08:25

Actually from your update, he sounds utterly shit. Maybe just play Song 2 really loudly next to him, next time he struggles to get out of bed for the baby.

mamas12 · 05/08/2020 08:25

Only concentrate on you and baby today
Text him and tell him in no uncertain terms that you have been thoughtful towards him all these months and why can’t he do it stops now
Tell him you are exhausted and he needs to sort out food for you tonight and then overnight just do what you and baby do with no holds barred so he can see
Time for you to demand more respect here you’re doing the lions share of parenting here

Original poster
strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 08:26

@Limpshade I just dont understand why this is the assumption when a baby is a 24/7 job!? I am guilty of it too and have done pretty much everything since she was born. he doesnt even do baths etc and I allowed for this cos he works. I do all house work/all dinners/all laundry/all food shopping which I actually wouldnt mind if I got any help when it came to our baby

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SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 05/08/2020 08:27

I’d be digging a hole