Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

help me get out the rage!

51 replies

strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 07:29

I'm furious and I'm being stroppy to partner and I cant help it. we have an 8 month old who still wakes me up every 2/3 hours at night and I do all the wakings. baby was refusing sleep last night as it was and didnt drift off until gone 10pm.

this morning, rather than get his things for work ready last night like I asked, he comes into the bedroom me and baby sleep in after hes had an uninterrupted night, to get his stuff and his phone starts ringing extremely loudly playing fucking blues song 2 which is his ringtone. of course, everyone within a 1 mile radius, wakes up. this was at 6am and baby has refused to go back to sleep since, is extremely crabby and overtired due to not having anywhere near enough sleep and I have got the absolute rage with my partner. I have also got a headache and an irritable baby on my hands. I want to ignore him all day though I know this is petty lol!

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 08:28

and i hope i dont get any why did you have a baby with this man comments because I honestly thought it was the "done" thing really when partner works because it's what my mum done and her mum before her. this is why I'm also irritated in myself for allowing it to happen to me too

OP posts:
LaLaLandIsNoFun · 05/08/2020 08:29

He’s ducking thoughtless and selfish - exactly what I had to endure from my children’s fathers.

That’s men for you

Limpshade · 05/08/2020 08:29

Ok well that is really terrible. I used to run a bath, hand over the baby and say, have a great time! And leave them to it. You shouldn't HAVE to do that of course - you don't need to be the parenting police on TOP of everything else - but good grief, you need a break. Does he do nothing on weekends either?

twinmum2017 · 05/08/2020 08:31

You poor thing, sleep deprivation is awful, and I remember the awful days of a pub dropping waking the baby so you have my absolutely sympathy.

Your husband has none. We have twins and my husband got up for every single night feed with me to feed one baby as well as driving an hour to work at a very responsible job. All these men that say they can't possibly wake up at night are being ridiculous.
Once they stopped night feeding I tried to do all the wake ups, but again if both babies needed cuddles/rocking etc then he took one. We had a lay in each at the weekend.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 05/08/2020 08:33

On the 2 nights every other week where my eldest father was supposed to take over because he wasn’t working the next day he’d just bring baby into bed to wail next to me.

I’m yet to hear of a family where men don’t behave like this. If I seared to kick off though I was being stroppy, and a bitch and I was ‘clearly abusive’ and ‘mentally unwell’.

I don’t know why we women bother with them - they’re like chocolate fire guards.

Whyarewefruit · 05/08/2020 08:36

I instigated a "you wake the baby, you take the baby" rule when DD was small and Dp hadn't yet learned to stop crashing around like a fucking bull in a China shop. It worked too.

Haggardy · 05/08/2020 08:36

We used to split the night wakings (in fact he probably did more) because I was fucking knackered and strung out from the day too. Some women can do it - they must have more in the tank than me - but I absolutely couldn't & I'm so glad DH shared the load. It wasn't all plain sailing, we still played a bit of competitive tiredness and I used to pretend to be asleep until I felt him get up sometimes.

Pobblebonk · 05/08/2020 09:03

Off the point, but who the fuck phones people at 6 a.m. anyway?

minisoksmakehardwork · 05/08/2020 09:08

Deal with this now otherwise it will crucify you.

I am lucky that DH is a night owl whereas I have always needed more sleep. I am the mum who could sleep through her babies cries - that is how much I need my sleep.

Anyway, dh has always done or helped out with night wakings, even though he has only ever taken the 2 weeks paternity each time, although tacked on leave when we had twins.

If you don't deal with this now but wait until you return to work, you will likely end up even more resentful of your partner. He needs to know how inconsiderate his behaviour is and if you get to the point today where you are so ill you have a migraine/ panic attack and feel baby is unsafe with you, ring your dh and tell him he needs to come home. This is caused by him and ringing your dad will just let him off the hook.

Gatehouse77 · 05/08/2020 09:10

I was a SAHM and did the night wakings. Once they were eating 3 meals (whatever amount) and having daytime feeds we stopped night feeds. At that point DH took over night wakings to help get them through the night. It wasn’t long before we could take turns. I did Sunday to Thursday, he did Friday and Saturday. We shared having lie-ins according to need rather than a rota.

That said, it would seem that DH was far more reasonable, realistic and aware that as a parent it was his ‘duty’ as much as mine. To build up a bond between him and the kids, to give me a break from them as that was my ‘job’ same as he had a break from work and that having children was a choice we made together.

Bloomburger · 05/08/2020 09:15

One night a week of broken sleep for him is not dangerous FFS. He's a grown up and a father and needs to step up. You're making a rod for your own back allowing him to act like he doesn't have a child at night whilst your physical and mental health is suffering.

Jussayingisall · 05/08/2020 09:19

I never get any husband or partner, that could see their other half on their knees and do nothing about it. 1 wake up help a night isn't going to kill him.

billy1966 · 05/08/2020 09:29

Well he's no prize is he OP.

You have a right lazy, selfish piece of work there.

I predict a very long hard life for you.

His passive aggressiveness when you ask for him to look after his child tells me everything.

Not a nice man, nor a good man.

Someone who doesn't give a damn if you are on your knees.

Think very hard about the ife you want going forward.

Because the one you have chosen does not sound nice at all.

Protect yourself if you know how and reach out for support.

He doesn't sound as if he cares for either of you.
Flowers

Original poster
strawberrypip · 05/08/2020 09:46

just had an extra hour then when baby went down so feel a tiny bit better. I am not even going to bother having a chat I will just start handing her to him when I need to like he does to me!

OP posts:
notheragain4 · 05/08/2020 09:47

No, you need to kill him. Any court would understand.

Chloemol · 05/08/2020 09:50

Have a conversation about sharing I like the idea one poster did of sharing nights, there is no reason he couldn’t do Thursday Friday, Saturday nights.

As to calling you when you are out, just tell him that you won’t be available when you go out the door, you will be back in 2 hours or something. If he does call and it’s because the baby is crying just tell him to deal with it, he has to learn

Phoenix21 · 05/08/2020 09:58

You need to have a chat.

My baby was BF but also took bottle of expressed. Once newborn days were over (we shared those nights) if I had a really bad night I would go to bed early and DH would mind baby and do bath/sleep, I got lie in at the weekend and a night alone in a hotel once a month.

He did this because he figures it’s dangerous to be minding a child when being disturbed every 1.5/2 hrs at night.

Childcare needs to be shared, no decent man will see his partner on her knees without mucking in.

SRS29 · 05/08/2020 10:00

Get him to do all the night feeds at the weekend to share the load? He sounds a right catch....not ...

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches · 05/08/2020 10:03

I got that shit from exh too, OP. Dd had a heart condition as a baby, and wouldn’t sleep AT ALL some nights, and other nights very little.

Exh told me he would “get sued for negligence” if he had anything but his full 8 hours - he’s a lawyer so the danger principle does apply, but that was his take.

When I went back to work it was somehow ok for me to have interrupted sleep, although my job was the same!

Thislittlelady · 05/08/2020 10:10

Forget that you left babies milk in bedroom at 2am whilst dh sleeping... forget that you left Muslin square in bedroom ‘somewhere’ and have to put lights on to hunt for it at 2.30.....oops must have dropped babies dummy in bedroom , sorry , not sorry you selfish git Need to put light on to find it....baby won’t settle thought you might want a 4 am hug and snuggles! ....

coronafiona · 05/08/2020 10:12

Don't get up tonight. Let him do it.

AlphaDalpha · 05/08/2020 10:25

Do you need help concealing the body or an alibi?

QuentinWinters · 05/08/2020 10:31

He sounds very selfish.
I would be telling him (not asking) that on the days where hes not working, hes doing night duty the night before.
In the days he is working, if baby wakes up at 6 he can have her so you can get a couple of extra hours.
Seriously. You driving while chronically sleep deprived is also dangerous. Not to mention your own mental health is suffering and that's dangerous too.
He's not being fair, hopefully out of thoughtlessness rather than malice

FrustratinglyFrustrated · 05/08/2020 10:35

Ok, I might get slammed here...But, I think that's just the way men are. They don't think the same as women, I honestly think that because the washing is done, the dinner is cooked and the house is tidy that "we" woman must enjoy doing it, or, why would we do it at all? Men are born selfish, I'm convinced. I don't necessarily think they know they are being selfish though, and they believe what they do and what decisions they make are all for the good, Example...they will go out allll day to do there hobby (fishing, golf, biking...whatever) not for their benefit...oh no, It's for our benefit so that we can have some peace and not have them under our feet while we cook, clean and tidy, See...Hero's really

FrustratinglyFrustrated · 05/08/2020 10:37

On a serious note though OP, You need to sit down and talk to him. If he doesnt listen, then go to bed before he does and accidently get in the wrong bed so he has to sleep in with the baby. Sleep deprivation is the worst Flowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread