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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To complain about server (allergies)?

65 replies

MyMagicStars · 04/08/2020 19:22

DD4 has 9 food allergies, but usually manages to eat out as long as she’s careful. Today, after finally choosing a dish at a chain restaurant when our with her boyfriend, the waiter came. Her boyfriend took a sip of water and coughed, handover mouth.
Waiter: are you allergic to the water now as well? Is the PH balance wrong?

DD4 related this to me as part and parcel of the eating with allergies narrative, but I’m quite upset- she can’t help having allergies, wasn’t the one coughing, and it was a pretty unpleasant comment. Would you speak to the restaurant?

OP posts:

Deedoubleyou · 05/08/2020 10:14

Dickhead move from the waiter but she needs to complain herself, not have mummy complain for her.

WaterOffADucksCrack · 05/08/2020 10:19

People can't make a joke now then? Ah another one of those nasty people who thinks they're hilarious when making unkind comments and trying to humiliate others. Hilarious.

It isn't funny if you're the only one laughing.

Waveysnail · 05/08/2020 10:27

melj1213

THIS

WaterOffADucksCrack · 05/08/2020 10:28

The server is probably on minimum wage, having just been recalled from 80% furlough wages since March and cant be bothered with fussy people. Christ it's a good job carers on minimum wage don't take that attitude isn't it. I don't know why people think being on minimum wage means you're allowed to be a cunt.

heartsonacake · 05/08/2020 10:33

It sounds like the waiter was trying to connect and make a joke. You can’t expect everyone to tiptoe around your daughter and be careful what they say in case they upset her because she has ADHD. She has to learn how to navigate the world, not be shielded from it and wrapped in cotton wool.

If anyone was going to complain (and I don’t think there’s reason to), it should have been your daughter and it should have been while they were at the restaurant.

We really are living in a world where you can’t possibly have a joke with anyone in case they have issues or they’re a member of the professionally offended.

theemmadilemma · 05/08/2020 10:42

I'm usually one to shrug my shoulders at most things, but I find that really rude, and I do think she should feed it back to the Manager.

eaglejulesk · 05/08/2020 11:03

We really are living in a world where you can’t possibly have a joke with anyone in case they have issues or they’re a member of the professionally offended.

This - and it seems to get worse every year.

No, I wouldn't speak to the restaurant. You weren't even there so just leave it alone and move on. If there was any complaining to be done it should have been done at the time, and tbh someone with 9 allergies probably should have had a discussion with the restaurant before going there.

Sirzy · 05/08/2020 11:20

If it was deemed as complaint worthy by those who where actually there they should have done so at the time.

For a third party to complain afterwards would just seem bizzare!

Francienolan · 05/08/2020 12:49

Whether it was a joke or funny or not, I don't think it's really appropriate for you to email a complaint for your adult dinner for an incident you didn't witness. I think all you should be doing here is providing moral support.

HouchinBawbags · 05/08/2020 13:22

[quote rabbitheadlights]@houchinBawbags DP is severely allergic (anaphylaxis carries epipens) to uncooked tomatoes there is an enzyme in them which is removed or broken down through cooking, so is exactly as you described and certainly isn't doing it to be fussy!![/quote]
I used tomatoes as an example. However in my many years of the food service industry, faux allergies is a common thing. So I take back my example of tomatoes and substitute it for gluten, or dairy or specific foods like onion or carrots. The fact remains that bullshitting customer or not, waiting on staff should smile and keep their gobs shit unless advising that the allergen is in the dish they have ordered in case they missed that.

HouchinBawbags · 05/08/2020 13:31

**gobs shut.

Shit was what came out of that waiters gob.

unmarkedbythat · 05/08/2020 13:37

That's mean of him. Yes, I would want to raise it- maybe he doesn't realise just how upsetting and belittling such comments can be for people in your DD's situation, but unless it's made clear to him, how will he ever learn?

Couchbettato · 05/08/2020 13:53

Jokes are meant to be funny. I wouldn't laugh if someone said that to me no matter how they said it. It wasn't a joke.

User43210 · 05/08/2020 13:56

Personally I would complain, it's not the wait staff job to make snide remarks. It's not as if she's said she doesn't want things to be picky.
Ergh servers like that really frustrate me, there's a time and place for casual joking with customers. That's not it.

Malbecblooms · 05/08/2020 14:53

It was a joke.

We have all sorts of disabilities in our extended family and it's still ok to joke as long as you are not hurting or poking fun at them.

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