How much is too much to spend in a week ?

[TequilaSunrise39]

Say if a friend or boyfriend comes to stay with you for a week, do you think it's excessive to go out to eat and drink every day ?
Going on holiday would be different, but say if they just came to stay at your house.

With my boyfriend, we went out for a full day and bought bus tickets (£5 each) then a drink somewhere, then a Costa coffee, then lunch, then a cake etc.
It's nice but I can't afford to do this every day. We ended up going on day trips every day which involved paying for the bus and usually a pint somewhere (him) and a sandwich/cake or something.

I think once/twice a week is fine but it really put me out of pocket, because he came to see me I wanted to pay for most of his stuff which I did, though he paid for some things too.

Checked my bank balance one day and ended up getting a bit worried when I realised i'd spent £60 in one day on random bits, and asked him to compromise by eating/drinking at home some of the days.

Does it sound like i'm BU ? Don't want to seem like a tightwad or boring, but it just really adds up.

More money than you have!

Sounds like you need to put some boundaries in place, if you’re not happy with something you need to say so. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to eat out daily if a friend is visiting but if you can’t afford that you can’t do that. Maybe next time he visits discuss an itinary prior to arrival so you both know where you stand. I’m guessing this is a fairly new relationship and that’s why you weren’t comfortable to discuss your concerns at the time?

I only voted YABU as £60 to me is not much I wouldn't even notice spending that (which I do on rubbish often). And I'm not rich or anything, just comfortable.

What a bizarre setup surely you only go out if you can both afford it - don't you talk about where you're planning on going and whether you've both got the funds to cover it?

Early days or if it’s a long distance relationship, going out often is ok.
But if it’s a long term relationship and not long distance, then at some point you have to start being at home to visit and not always doing “dates”.

You paid for him because he was your guest? Bizarre...

We like to do special stuff if we have guests, but don’t want to bankrupt ourselves whilst doing it! I think going out once or twice should suffice. The rest of the time just enjoy spending time together, watch tv, listen to music and talk, go for walks, wander round the local precinct or something.

to the posters who mentioned it sounds like they're always doing "dates" - that's a good way to phrase it. most people couldn't afford to be on a "date" for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

in fact one of my nicest memories of early dating is DH asking if i had a flask for going out to a picnic in the park we'd planned. we were totally broke and literally couldn't have spent £3 or £4 on coffee out, so i just used to take a bottle of water evrywhere (not mineral, it was a refilled one with tap water before carrying them around was trendy, it was considered skin flint )

op, you need to have a conversation with your "partner".

maybe he's broke too and he doesn't want to be seen as stingy?
(some people view stingy as unacceptable, but i like a good financially literate miser, me )

Firstly of course you don’t need to spend more than you can afford. He’s your boyfriend so next time you need to tell him you are on a budget. Suggest a kitty so you both contribute to it for common spends like fares and food. Don’t include alcohol.

Suggest buying food to cook together and getting in supplies for packed lunches and snacks.

He sounds as if he didn’t understand your circumstances which is fair enough if you didn’t ever discuss!

As usual it’s a communication issue.

Sounds I’d you are not financially compatible. Too me that is very important in a relationship.

Korkmum I'm shocked you wouldnt even notice spending £60. That's my weekly shopping budget for me plus my kids and I definately notice it's gone.

@2bazookas

He took you for a ride didn't he?

Txt him, "last week I spent lots more than my weekly budget and it's left me out of pocket. We should have gone 50/50. ".

See how he responds.</div></div>

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why on earth did you feel obliged to fork out money he was insisting was spent? Have you had the discussion about affordability? It seems like you need it. If your bf like you, he won’t mind. If he does mind, he isn’t a keeper. I’d like to know exactly how come he let you pay tbh. Did he object at all?

You need to be more open an honest about money or relationship is doomed

I expect, currently, that he thinks you can afford it.

You need to explain that you can't

Simple

@Marzipan12 mines double that with just me and 1 child. Our lunch out yday was £60.

I think it depends on your circumstances. If you rarely get time together and off work then to me this week was like a holiday, a 'staycation' as they call it. So ok as a one-off. But clearly you can't live like this regularly so if it's not a rare thing then just mention that you're stoney broke now and that it was fun but you'll need to spend less in future.

Right now i'd bloody love to go somewhere for a pint but i'm not happy going indoors and it's raining. We had a mini local holiday week before last and spent more than usual as we'd not been out for four months and we were happy to support local businesses.

@KorkMum same, that would just be ‘walking around money’ as DH calls it 😂

It’s not his fault you felt guilty and took your role as ‘host’ by paying for everything, especially if your saying ‘oh I’ll grab this one’, or ‘don’t worry I’ll pay since you came here etc’, if he’s not been paying the bill it’s easy to not realise how much stuff is. You only realised when you checked your bank, how was he meant to realise?

Assuming you see a future with him, explain that next time you want to do cheaper things, split things a bit more, or maybe take a picnic etc. However, if I had gone to visit a friend for a few days I would have expected to go out for food, coffee, cake etc. I seem to remember doing exactly this when I stayed with a friend previously, I spent a fortune on eating out and we paid for ourselves! Must have spent about £100 on food/drinks etc for a weekend 😬

The drinks thing isn’t his fault. His friend bought a round and you then reciprocated, you can’t have a go at them for saying yes if you offered to buy the drinks. They were kind enough to include you in the round, why wouldn’t they say yes when you then paid for their drinks. The fact you only had something cheap isn’t their fault. Although if they all ordered pricey cocktails or doubles and mixer I’d be a bit miffed.

Just have a chat with him. Different people have different expectations to budgets. If it’s early in the relationship he may have not realised, if the relationship has been going on for longer and you’ve mentioned this and he still seems happy for you to pay, then that’s a different matter.

Some posters are barely on minimum wage, others on a 6 figure salary. It's irrelevant how much others can afford or not. It's too much for you, you are not tight for putting a stop to it right now.
It would be stupid to go into debt or live off dry pasta for the rest of the month because you spent a couple of days with your BF. That's not a relationship.

If you can’t afford it you need to say no shame in that. Also he should be paying his way surely.

£600 would be a lot

Just tell him that you can’t afford to keep doing it. You are in a relationship, talk to him.

I’m curious to know if he’s more assertive regarding equality with spending money when you go to see him? I have a sneaky suspicion he’ll insist on supermarket sandwiches (or home made) and free trips out when it’s his turn to host.

Also: “oh then we can have a pint at X pub after.”

• he HE is suggestion going to somewhere then he can bloody pay. Is he seriously suggesting going for a pint in a pub when you don’t even drink and you pay for it?!

It's unaffordable for you do YANBU. I would find that too much too.