Wedding evening invite - has anyone else ever heard of this oddness?

[keiratwiceknightly]

This is some years ago but I hated it at the time and I'm interested if it was a unique bit of oddness on the part of the bridal family, or if it is a done thing?

I was bridesmaid for a big church wedding followed by a reception in the most expensive local hotel. The brides family were pretty well off and no expense was spared. At the church, all female guests who were invited to the main reception were given a corsage by the mother of the bride, anyone who was evening only didn't get one.

I'd never heard of this before or since. Has anyone else? And how would that sit with the "evening invite = second tier " narrative so beloved of mn wedding threads?

All my female day guests received a corsage and the males a matching button hole flower. Our two Mum's had slightly bigger corsages. This was in 1996, my florist suggested it. I remembered having my bouquet and my guests flowers delivered to my house that morning and it all costing £100 which was the same price as my cake. I didn't have a church wedding so there weren't any evening guests watching me get married.

Were they given to everyone at the church, or were the day guests actually singled out? The former is normal, the latter is fairly obnoxious.

mosquitofeast

But you don't need an invite to attend a church wedding. It is public. You can have an invite for an evening meal, and choose to attend the service as well. I think that,s a nice thing to do.

Indeed. I was talking about people who do issue an invite to the ceremony and the evening reception but not to the daytime reception. Choosing to go along to the church yourself is of course fine.

At my wedding corsages were given to close family members/bridal party members (I included people like the mothers of the young bridesmaids etc).

It should be relatively easy to distinguish between a member of the public wandering into the church and someone you know well enough to have invited to the evening do!

I’m sure the intention wasn’t to distinguish day from night guests. Traditionally all attending the church were given buttonholes. It’s probably the case that they counted their reception guests when ordering, and didn’t factor in that some evening only guests may also attend the church. To be honest I wouldn’t have considered that myself.

Last wedding I attended was two years ago but I've never been to one where this didn't happen.

I don't think it's a "posh" thing either.

My mum is a florist and there would usually be dozens and dozens of buttonholes and corsages ordered for the church guests.

@Dozer

By ‘corsage’ do you mean a floral wrist thingamy, like you see in prom scenes in US films/TV, or flower(s) to be worn in a buttonhole/pinned on like a brooch?

Have seen the latter bought for all of the wedding party family (one side) and a few friends. Never seen anyone where a wrist thingamy at a wedding.

My mother wore hers pinned to her dress. MIL had hers fixed to her clutch bag.

All the weddings I’ve been to as a day guest, generally get their own buttonholes. Not many people turn up with no buttonhole. It would also me rude to turn up without wearing one.

It’s always been at the guests own added expense. The fact she bought them for the guests imo is fab. Saves them money!

Might be a tad controlling but if it saves a few £££££ who cares

They probably just ran out, maybe more turned up at the church than they were expecting as evening guests don't RSVP for the service, just turn up if they want to.

As an evening guest I try and get to the church as well. I think that's the best of both worlds, you are there for the ceremony which is the most important part, you're free for the afternoon and get to go to a party in the evening, plus you don't have to dress up as you would for the main reception, win, win for me.

i think the usual etiquette for an evening invite is to make it very clear on the invite that its evening only from 7pm at x venue

But in small print at bottom, it may say, if anyone wishes to come to church x at 12pm to see us wed, thats fine.

You wouldn't do that if its all at a hotel though.

Interesting. I am with @Wheresthebiffer2, in Scotland. Weddings I have been to, all but the immediate bridal party buy their own but only if they want to.
Only ‘rule’ I remember from the 1980s was that the bridal party wore white flowers and the guests most definitely wore other colours, and women generally wore roses rather than carnations.
Quite usual for men to wear heather, particularly if in kilts.

My evening invitations gave the details of the church ceremony with "You are welcome at the church if you want to see us for the ceremony" in the front cover and then the "you are invited to celebrate with us from 7pm at venue.........."

"All day" invitations said you are invited to the marriage of etc at 2.30pm at church etc followed by the reception at venue........

I only recall two "no thanks" responses - one couple who were in Australia and one couple who had their first baby just the day before!

We had about 50 people to the meal, an extra 25-30 people came to the church, plus about 10 people from the church community who hadn't been officially invited, and a total of 120 people for the evening party. Our church can easily fit a few hundred people so no limit there!

I've never heard of guests buying their own buttonholes! The most recent wedding I went to was last July. DH and I were given white carnations at the church by one of the ushers. There were definitely people at the church who didn't come back to the reception until the evening party.

We only recall two "no thanks" responses - one couple who were in Australia and one couple who had their first baby just the day before!
Did you really issue evening invitations to those two?

@Thisismytimetoshine

We only recall two "no thanks" responses - one couple who were in Australia and one couple who had their first baby just the day before! Did you really issue evening invitations to those two?

We didn't know the couple had planned to go to Australia when we sent out the invitations and the pregnancy was less than 12 weeks along when we sent out the invitations so we didn't know about it. As it was they were a "maybe" right up until she went into labour as due date was AFTER the wedding and they wanted to come if they could.

It does mean that I never forget the "baby's" birthday!

@Dozer

By ‘corsage’ do you mean a floral wrist thingamy, like you see in prom scenes in US films/TV, or flower(s) to be worn in a buttonhole/pinned on like a brooch?

Have seen the latter bought for all of the wedding party family (one side) and a few friends. Never seen anyone where a wrist thingamy at a wedding.

The wrist corsage thingy seems to be a US only thing. I’ve only ever seen them pinned to jackets or dresses like a buttonhole at weddings.

I think this might be a regional thing (providing buttonholes to everyone) South London born and bred PIL was absolutely insistent on it "gotta 'ave button 'oles" (it wasn't a church wedding) where as none of the dozens of northern and midlands wedding I've been of family/friends have done it. It didn't seem like a hill worth dying on so I let them get on with it.

@keiratwiceknightly

Just for day guests, nosuchluck?

The evening guests would have been old school friends, work colleagues etc but the bride married in the area she grew up in so lots came to the church and then joined us later.

Never would have been done for evening guests ime (and I'm old)

Always for those going to the ceremony.