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Original poster

Wedding evening invite - has anyone else ever heard of this oddness?

68 replies

keiratwiceknightly · 04/08/2020 11:50

This is some years ago but I hated it at the time and I'm interested if it was a unique bit of oddness on the part of the bridal family, or if it is a done thing?

I was bridesmaid for a big church wedding followed by a reception in the most expensive local hotel. The brides family were pretty well off and no expense was spared. At the church, all female guests who were invited to the main reception were given a corsage by the mother of the bride, anyone who was evening only didn't get one.

I'd never heard of this before or since. Has anyone else? And how would that sit with the "evening invite = second tier " narrative so beloved of mn wedding threads?

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 04/08/2020 13:07

Yep, normal old-school wedding tradition. One of the users giving out carnations on the church steps.

Pukkatea · 04/08/2020 13:09

@Scruffymac

Sorry if I've caught the wrong end of the stick - I'm not British, but do you mean that guests are invited to the church, NOT invited to the meal/reception and then allowed back for the evening party? Is this normal? I can't get my head around it.
As it's a church you can't stop anyone coming to the ceremony - randoms off the street can wander in and watch if they like.
Fifthtimelucky · 04/08/2020 13:09

@Scruffymac I think that's quite common with a church wedding. Often people who live locally attend the church without a specific invitation, especially if they and the bride and/or groom are part of the normal congregation.

They might get invited to an evening do, but some will just go to the church and nothing else.

It would be very rude to invite people to the church, not the reception, and then the evening do.

SerenDippitty · 04/08/2020 13:18

I got married 30 years ago. It wasn't normal then for all female guests to be given corsages or carnations - at least not in the circles I moved in! The only wedding I've been to when I was given a corsage was when my DH was an usher.

katy1213 · 04/08/2020 13:19

That was standard until quite recently. Buttonholes for guests, something fancier for the mothers. And a right nuisance they were if they clashed with your outfit or you didn't want to stick a pin in a silk frock.

@ Scruffymac Anyone can attend a church wedding - they're public events. So what often happens if live locally and you're invited for the evening, is that you'll be told, 'Do feel free to come along to the church' - but you don't have to dress up, though you wouldn't turn up in trackie bottoms, and you find a seat at the back, throw a bit of confetti and slip off home afterwards until the evening. It's a recognition that people like to see the bride walk down the aisle and the frock. You'd probably get a few neighbours, or people your mum knows, or church ladies. And I don't recall anybody ever getting their nose out of the joint because when this was more common weddings were about a marriage and not an Instagram opportunity.

User87471643901065319 · 04/08/2020 13:21

Nothing odd about it at all. It is perfectly normal and traditional for the Bride and Groom's mothers to have a corsage and for all guests who attend the actual wedding to be given a flower (usually a carnation) for their buttonhole. Not normal to provide them for people who just attend the evening reception. This happened at mine and I have working class roots - it isn't a posh thing although my reception was at a posh place.

User87471643901065319 · 04/08/2020 13:31

It doesn't just apply to church weddings. I've received a buttonhole at a Register Office wedding.

StealthPolarBear · 04/08/2020 13:34

@LunaNorth

Yep, normal old-school wedding tradition. One of the users giving out carnations on the church steps.
Sounds decidedly dodgy :o
KorkMum · 04/08/2020 13:35

Sounds normal to me. I've been to loads of weddings like this.

CouldBeOuting · 04/08/2020 13:37

My wedding was 30 years ago. All guests, male & female, were given white carnations at the church. The two mothers had corsages specific to their outfits. Two fathers had yellow carnations. Groom and best man had yellow roses. I and my bridesmaids had bouquets of predominately yellow roses.

I’ve never been to a wedding where I wasn’t given a buttonhole of some sort......

Feedingthebirds1 · 04/08/2020 13:50

I think the thing is that although the invitation says 'you are invited to the wedding of...' , what it actually means is you are invited to the reception. Anyone can attend a church to see the marriage service.

So do you provide a carnation for the man/woman who lives next door to the church and never misses a wedding or a funeral? I understand that in this case the 'extras' were known to the wedding party, but I still think it's fine.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 04/08/2020 14:06

Evening only invites mean just that to me- not invited to the wedding ceremony, not invited to the daytime reception, invited to the evening do. I'd find it rude to expect people to attend part 1, sod off for part 2 and come back for part 3. But part 3 only invites are fine and normal.

EsmeShelby · 04/08/2020 14:09

I've seen it done, but the last time was in the eighties.

SohoOrigami · 04/08/2020 14:16

*It would be very rude to invite people to the church, not the reception, and then the evening do.
*
This has happened at three weddings I've been to, to very non-local guests. It is incredibly rude, I think.

thecatsthecats · 04/08/2020 14:17

@CouldBeOuting

I've never attended a wedding where flowers WERE given out! Been attending a few weddings a year since 2013, and planned my own without encountering the tradition.

How odd.

kerfuffling · 04/08/2020 14:19

How would they have known how many evening guests would turn up at the church anyway? A church is a public building, anyone can walk in and watch the ceremony.

tenbob · 04/08/2020 14:20

The usual format for french weddings is everyone to the church, then everyone to a drinks reception, then some guests leave and the a-list have the meal and party

No one seems to think it’s rude, it’s just the normal format

But to a Brit, it feels far more awkward to be kicking people out so the a-list can start their meal than for the British format of the b-list arriving later

EasilyDelighted · 04/08/2020 14:22

Normal, and normal for local evening guests to come to the church too then to the party later. I find it very odd that so many get upset about evening only invitations on MN, in real life not all friends and relatives are equally close and it is normal to have the close ones to the main reception and throw a larger party in the evening.

mosquitofeast · 04/08/2020 14:24

@Iwalkinmyclothing

Evening only invites mean just that to me- not invited to the wedding ceremony, not invited to the daytime reception, invited to the evening do. I'd find it rude to expect people to attend part 1, sod off for part 2 and come back for part 3. But part 3 only invites are fine and normal.
But you don't need an invite to attend a church wedding. It is public. You can have an invite for an evening meal, and choose to attend the service as well. I think that,s a nice thing to do.
mosquitofeast · 04/08/2020 14:25

@keiratwiceknightly

Yes some evening guests were at the church.

Nothing old school posh about the family. Both mum and dad grew up on council estates but dad made a lot of dough building houses.

Why does being brought up on a council estate limit the number of traditions you enjoy at your wedding?

Why are you thinking about this years later? Why did you ever even think about it at all?

Dozer · 04/08/2020 14:28

By ‘corsage’ do you mean a floral wrist thingamy, like you see in prom scenes in US films/TV, or flower(s) to be worn in a buttonhole/pinned on like a brooch?

Have seen the latter bought for all of the wedding party family (one side) and a few friends. Never seen anyone where a wrist thingamy at a wedding.

Meggie2008 · 04/08/2020 14:31

The last wedding I was at, the groom's mother gave all of his immediate friend group a corsage/buttonhole. She'd sneakily asked everyone what colour of dress they/their partner was wearing so she could match them all.

MovinOnUp · 04/08/2020 14:37

I remember my Mum always bought a corsage to attend an all day wedding, I don't remember them being given to guests though.

Seracursoren · 04/08/2020 14:38

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago. Dh was best man, I was given a corsage to wear to show I was part of the bridal party. The groom's sister, her Dh, and both her children (teenagers) got either a button hole or a corsage too. The bride's sister was a bridesmaid and her Dh got a button hole too.

I thought it was a really lovely gesture as weddings are full of lots of different groups of people. Plus I wasn't with Dh in the church etc but I was with the groom's family.

But not everyone got one, just the family of the bride and groom.

Saddlesore · 04/08/2020 14:41

Maybe it was a way to signal to the reception venue that anyone without a corsage was not meant to be there?

I also think it’s incredibly rude to invite people to the ceremony but not to the reception. DH and I were some years ago invited to the wedding of one of his colleagues at a stunning (but huge) “destination” cathedral. I didn’t twig until nearer the time that our invitation didn’t include the reception immediately after but did invite us for evening drinks. The ceremony was gorgeous but we, along with a sizeable “B team” then had to kick our heels locally until the evening drinks started... and when we did get there the free bar was over and we had to buy our own. I think we and the B Team were only invited to fill the pews and contribute presents.

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