To ask how to be more elegant?

[AugustTime]

Elegance is something I find hard to define, but there are just certain women who have this elegance about them. I am not eloquent or observant enough to know what about them makes them elegant, they just are. I want to be more elegant. I have tried to be with things like manicured nails, styled hair, using good quality beauty products, etc. Yet I just don't have it.

So for those more elegant and/or knowledgeable than I, how can someone be more elegant?

P.S. I don't want to imply that I think that "elegance" is some kind of universal standard that all women should aspire to. All kinds of styles are wonderful in their own right.

This genre of thread titles makes me really sad (how to look expensive, how to look french, how to look elegant).

Be happy to be you!

Totally agree it's posture. I had an art teacher who always used to say i walked like a ballet dancer. I didn't, i'm a bit of an oaf really, but I did go to elocution lessons and had to walk around with a book on my head so maybe that helped with something along the way.

To a certain extent, it does depend on natural poise. Certain types of dress and vocabulary are helpful.

I think it's something you have and not something that is easily acquired unfortunately. I am stuck with looking like an obese, drunk giraffe so I may as well own it

Elegance to me is synonymous with being ladylike a d well mannered. That means no fake nails, eyelashes, WAG look. It is easier starting on this with muted or monochromatic looks, before developing the confidence and know how to inject colour strategically.

If there are any people you consider elegant, you can start by seeing what appeals you to them and copy it.

The most elegant person I know is my aunt. She is very slim, short hair cut and coloured beautifully, wears quite classic, understated clothes and jewellery, is smiley and polite. Many a time I've wished I could be more like her but I do actually think it requires constant effort and I can't be arsed

Every elegant person I've ever known has been tall and leggy. Clothes just seem to hang better on taller frames, and they seem to walk with more grace.

I am squat with short legs. I can't wear heels. When I try to walk tall and look elegant, I look like a beetle trying to stroll.

I am doomed, aren't I?

I was educated by nuns in the 1960s and one nun used to roam the classroom with a wooden ruler in her hand, and any girl who was found to be slouching, or slumped would get a whack across her shoulders and told to sit up straight! When I grew up people used to compliment me on my posture, and how elegant it made me look, little knowing how I came by it! They'd laugh now if they saw me now, hunched on the couch over my laptop. I'm no longer scared Sister Assumpta is coming to get me.

I have been described as elegant, again not something I aimed to portray I think of myself as scatty and scruffy. I have a slim build and long arms and legs likes spider, I went to watch the ballet and discovered I am an absolute natural at doing ballet arm moves! The rest of it not a chance, as a child I did ballroom dancing, I wanted to do disco but I just couldn't co ordinate my limbs, and as an adult I do yoga. So my version of elegant must be down to moving long limbs slowly 🤣

@Bubblesgun

It is posture, allure and the joy you convey. So smile genuinely, sit up straight, walk with confidence ie. you know where you are going and with pride, wear clothes that fits you and nicely cut: you must know what clothes makes you look great and to your advantage so know your body type; they dont have to be expensive or trendy just nicely cut with nice fabric.

For my birthday this year DH bought me a Miranda t-shirt which says "I too have the allure".

I do not have the allure. I am too tall and I say "fuck" sometimes, which is not the allure at all. I do have lovely posture and poise from a childhood of dancing, but nothing else to recommend me.

My Mum has such grace and elegance. She's a psychologist and very well-regarded in her field. She once attended a conference near to my University and I met her for lunch - I met a few of her colleagues and could see them frantically whizzing their eyes from her to me then back to her trying to work out what happened for me to be so different to her. I told them she'd adopted me and spent my teen years threatening to send me to finishing school before giving up and accepting that I was an asshat who didn't care for grace (100% true).

I went to watch the ballet and discovered I am an absolute natural at doing ballet arm moves

I bet the people seated behind you were delighted.

Being tall helps. I am 5’3” and know that, even though I think I’m quite stylish, I’ll never be elegant.

Following with interest. I don't ever feel elegant, but I think it is a weight issue as much as anything else. I am overweight and often feel really strangely big and self conscious of how much physical space I might be taking up.

@Chickoletta I got described as a malnourished finishing school graduate on my first day at work after I have a presentation. 5’2” - I think the key is muted tones, knowing how to walk in heels, and surrounding yourself with other nationalities who kindly assume the British are elegant.

My bugbear is my tiny hands - I’m still in children’s leather gloves, and will never have the long fingers required for elegance. I even had the stones on my wedding ring selected to elongate, as I was worried I’d look like a child bride.

It seems to be tailoring - wearing clothes that are the right size and shape for your body, good quality unfussy designs. Paired with natural toned hair that's groomed, minimal /subtle make up and jewellery.
Good foundation garments I suppose.

Tall, slim, gentle movements

DD is only 8 years old. She is the most elegant little being I know.

She has ASD and is non-verbal, so it's not related to her conversation, but she does everything really gracefully, even the most mundane tasks.

She also has a knack for making everything she wears looks incredibly expensive and we'll tailored, when it's usually generic H&M fare.

Random strangers comment on it frequently.

My DM has the same traits and unfortunately I think it's an hereditary characteristic that you either have or not. I do not.

Keep it simple.

Few but understated jewelry.
Classic haircut.
Classic clothes, max. three colours for entire outfit.
No loud patterns

Apart from that I think you have or not. To me it is much to do with seeming composed.

Being tall, having a good posture helps.
I am 6’4” and everyone meeting me in the office says I am elegant

• I exercise regularly (slim but not thin)
• I do walk with confidence, head held high
• I don’t put anything on display - as I believe a ladette might do it, but a lady would never!
• light make up
• simple hair style (roots always covered up)
• I tend to be well-groomed (as PP said, just simple and carefully selected and colour coordinated clothes) - always skirt!
• I smile a lot
• soft speaking with everyone and without swear words
• looking interested in others (good listening skills are part of my job)

I think anyone can look elegant with some changes 💐
I am glad when someone actually is interested in putting some effort into looking classy and elegant

No visible tattoos, body or facial piercings, nipples or underwear.

@2bazookas

No visible tattoos, body or facial piercings, nipples or underwear.

Oh, I took these for granted not to have! 😂

Look up school of affluence on you tube, she begins every video with “Hello my elegant ladies” it’s hilarious but she makes some interesting points about the basic principles of being elegant.

Personally I think you are either elegant or not. I could never pull off any cool fashionable look it just didn’t work with my face/hair. I’m preppy and that’s the only look that really works for me.

@Twaddledee

Is it something you get from having done a lot of ballet as a child, giving you posture and poise?

Yes.

Or deportment lessons. My mum taught me to walk around the house with a book balanced on the top of my head.

Standing up straight with squarer shoulders will improve ones looks.
One poster above remarked about VPL, getting the right fit for all clothes is important.

NOT cramming into half a size smaller.
Every little helps.

I have a colleague who always looks effortlessly elegant. She's slender, straight, simple cut hair, trouser suits and heels, but not crazy height. she has two young kids and I just can't imagine her flustered and sweaty rushing about trying to keep all the plates spinning. She's perfectly nice though and I'm sure she has all the same struggles as non elegant me. I do think being slim is a key factor.. It suggests restraint and self control (rightly or wrongly) and this lady always, always has an apple at break, never touches the biscuits. Oh well..